Chapter Twenty-Seven: Lila
Not a great save, or even a save at all. I’d shared Dare’s deepest secret, one I didn’t know to be true.
I am so stupid.
“He tell you that?” His face blanked.
I shook my head. “He’s fine, and never told me anything. But I can’t be held responsible for his shit. I own my past. He can at least do the same.”
Bear turned and walked away. I thought he’d leave because I’d dissed his brother. But he sat in the chair, staring from me to the couch. I threw away our cans and joined him in the living room.
It could be worse, at least I’d never said it to Dare.
He sat forward, elbows on his knees, hands pressed together in front of his lips. “Hypothetically, a brother had a problem like you said...” His expression flashed with rage.
Is that directed at me?
“It’s not in the past. It’s his present, his future—his fucking living nightmare.” He sat back in the chair. “You were beaten, right?” A dark, dangerous look shadowed his face.
A cold blast of outrage filled me, and I almost snapped at him, but I’d opened this door with my mouth. I gulped down the bitterness blocking my throat.
“Yeah,” I grunted.
“But not now.” He studied me. “Not for the last four years, maybe longer.” His raised eyebrows asked for confirmation.
“Close enough.” I remembered Larry and how I’d run straight from my dad to the same kind of loser who hit me. I’d stayed with him almost a year.
“That’s the past.” He spoke low and went silent for so long I thought he was done. “You think Thorn’s problems are the past?”
I shook my head. He fought his demons daily, and more often than not I bet he lost.
“Ask anyone and they’d tell you Thorn, Dare and me—we’re the hard cases. The ones others fear. My shit, mostly in the past, but liking to fuck men, it makes me harsh. Thorn, you know about.” His words were like blows.
They stole my anger, and a sick feeling rose inside me.
“If a man’s living his nightmare day in and out, you think he knows when he’s over the line?”
I thought of Thorn hitting me, and my chest tightened. I’d never considered what Dare faced every day—fear of showing his failure, and he’d see it that way.
“Fuck, yeah I get your point.” And I did, only it was too late. While I’d discovered his secret, I hadn’t thought about how it changed his reality, because he’d acted so damn confident. Now I realized how being out of touch must have freaked him the fuck out. Not that it excused the way he’d treated me, but at least I understood.
Bear nodded at me. “You’re smart and tough, you should work—”
“I don’t fuck for money,” I yelled, fed up with having to say no yet again.
Hands up, he backed up a couple steps. “I got that, loud and clear. But I was going to say, you should work with me as my gofer.”
I frowned at that term. I wasn’t a lackey.
“I mean, help out with the books, the organization of the place. Ollie does all that and I want to free up his time for better things.”
Now that sounded appealing to me, and I might need a new job, one whose boss wasn’t my ex-lover and never would be. “I’ll think it over, but I like what I do. If it’s too awkward I’ll probably take you up on the offer.”
* * *
Monday shone a bright sunny day. I’d have preferred dark clouds.
I tried to brace myself, prepare to be Lila the office manager, not Red, Dare’s girl.
I opened the shop at noon, preparing a USB drive for Maverick to pick up. Zayn and Rock arrived at noon, but I doubted I’d see Dare today since he didn’t have any appointments. Around two Maverick picked up the books, then we’d be dead until five when Zayn’s appointment came in.
About three o’clock, Rock waved and headed out. I’d heard from Avery, who’d had her world rocked Saturday night by Rock—her words. Her wordplay had made her giggle. Everyone got lucky that night but me. Glory sighed when I asked her about Zayn, and I worried she might be attached.
As the minutes ticked by, I became more restless.
I need a tattoo. Something to remind me of those failures, so I’d quit making the same damn mistakes—a skull and crossbones over my heart. I poisoned my love life because of my past, one way or the other. I’d found a good man and drove him away—or we drove each other away—because of the baggage.
I headed back to see Zayn, I wanted to take advantage of the “employee discount.”
“Mama, I refuse to put a skull and crossbones on your chest.” He looked at his hands. “I’m not a fan of doing anything close to your tits.”