“Last night. The whole last week with you making friends with the townies. When will you have the buzz you need to make Dare insane with jealousy?” His words were venomous and the barbs struck.
“You think I’m going out to hurt Dare? Like I could.” Ugly knots of rage tightened inside me. “Is that who you think I am?”
“You tell me. You’re at Paradise. Half the Brotherhood hang there on the weekend, not me or Dare. Who you been talking to? You go shaking your ass, but you turn all the boys down. Use my name with Vex.” He stood and paced away from me. Turning back toward me, cruel lines twisted his face. “You working for me? Vex congratulated me on my acquisition.”
“You said I could use you, so I did. Why are you so pissed?” I stood now, pacing, trying to calm down.
“Because I don’t like you using me to create a rep—one that Dare will hear about.”
Despair washed away the rage. Time to move on. No one kicked me out, but staying might be too damn painful and way more complicated.
“I was...” I choked back tears “...distracting myself from the jagged wound right here.” I beat my chest, turning away as the tears began to flow.
I heard Bear’s boots cross to me, and he stood before me, tugging up my chin. I spoke the words pounding in my mind. “Do you know the last time friends offered to take me out? Help me through a tight spot?” My words were hollow and full of anguish. “Try never.” I met his gaze.
“We’re here for you, Mama.” He touched my chin.
I flinched away from his now tender touch. His poison rotted my insides. I didn’t need his compassion.
“No...you...” I gestured to him “... all want me, but none of the club are here for me.” Anger and hurt warred inside me.
He moved back and sat in the chair. His mouth pressed into a thin line. “You aren’t after that?”
I laughed and to be honest it sounded crazy. “I’m not that person without him. We created Red together, now she’s gone. Maybe I’m weak, definitely stupid, but I don’t want anyone else.” My hands raked through the red curls I despised. “I’m Lila, and she’s never lasted this long without finding a man to erase her problems. I’m trying to survive. I ain’t got enough left for games.” I carried my cup to the sink, about ready to crack. “Let yourself out, everyone else does. Go back to the women who are tough enough to mend their broken hearts and plan revenge or world domination.” I huffed a dry laugh. “I should take lessons.”
The distance to my bed seemed endless.
Hands grabbed me and spun me into his chest. And as soon as my cheek hit his body, the tears came. Weak. Pathetic. But I couldn’t hold the floodgate another second.
I don’t know how long I cried, but when I came up from the mindless place where my grief lived, I was seated on the couch next to Bear with my face buried in his shoulder.
I pushed up and practically ran to the bathroom. My eyes were slits in the swollen red flesh surrounding them. I stared in the mirror and tried not to freak out.
No one but Dare had ever held me when I cried, mostly because I never cried in front of anyone. I’d reached a whole new level of pitiful. I started to open the door, but panic paralyzed me. What did I do now? I had no idea so I straightened my spine and inhaled—time to suck it up.
I found Bear sitting where I left him. He met my gaze and then found anything else to look at.
“Thanks.” I added more sass. “I finally believe it.”
His brows bunched, and a curious gaze met mine.
“You are gay. Here you are wiping up my tears like my GFF.” I winked at him.
A strangled laugh burst from him. “Shit. That’s funny.”
“Pop?” I needed one myself. My throat burned.
“Yeah.” He stood and followed me to the kitchen.
I brought out two cans and handed him one. He took it, pinning me with his stare. “I’m sorry. You aren’t like the people I know.”
I shrugged. “They sound tougher than me.”
“Tell me exactly what happened.” He glared at me.
I told him about the breakup, not because I wanted to, but I figured he deserved it after I’d blubbered all over him. Drained of emotion, the telling wasn’t as painful as when I’d told Avery. I finished my story, and he assessed me with scary intensity.
He set his can on the counter with a thunk. “Why do you think he freaked out? It’s not his style.”
“He’s got fucked-up ideas, probably because of the reading problem.” My hand covered my mouth, and I stared horrified at Bear. “Uh, no, because he’s Dare, no problems.”