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What did I care?

For a second, I wavered. One night of drinking wouldn’t make me an alcoholic.

No, I refused to risk it, even to dull the loneliness pressing into me. The music blared too loud for any long conversations, but I understood the essentials. All four had graduated from high school in Barden, and now lived together. They were my age, and two of them had boyfriends. Glory said her love life was complicated. Avery told me she was happily single.

The music stopped as the band set up.

“So you really dated the hunk they call Dare?” Frankie, the black-haired one, leaned forward with elbows propped on the wooden table.

“Yeah.”

“Rude,” Avery broke in. “What illegal shit do they do?”

“Is it too cool in their clubhouse?” Carla grinned at me.

“Do they talk in slang, like on SOA?” Glory asked.

They peppered me with the questions all at the same time. Now I understood what Zayn meant. I’d never ask these kinds of questions, this had been a mistake.

I met each girl’s gaze as I answered her question. “I did. All legal. I dunno how you define cool. And SOA isn’t real, so no.” Glory opened her mouth, but I held up a hand. “Look, I should jet. This is the last thing I want to talk about. I think it’s—”

“Dammit, we’re sorry,” Avery gushed, and her friends nodded their agreement. “We all fantasize about dating a biker, but we’re chicken.”

“Only some of us,” Frankie sneered.

I might not like Frankie.

“Ladies, I’ve arrived. You can swoon now.” A handsome guy with chestnut hair and puppy dog eyes stared at me. His mouth slightly hung open.

“I’m Lila.” I smiled at him. “Hope you don’t mind, Avery asked me to join.”

The guy pulled up a chair between Glory and me. “I’m Avery’s brother, Chet. And you’ve made my month.”

I laughed, not ashamed to admit a little male attention boosted my mood. What girl doesn’t like to feel desired?

Over the next twenty minutes the round table filled with Avery’s friends. I lost track of names. A cute guy in a black motorcycle jacket nodded to me. He didn’t wear a cut, so he wasn’t a brother, but I’d met him. Then it hit me, Mark, the guy Dare had inked with tribal art on his arm.

“Hey, Mark, how’s the tat?” I almost had to shout in his ear to be heard.

“Great, Lila. Dare here?” He scanned the room.

And that fast my paper world crumbled. “We’re not together, anymore.” I strung the words together.

His smile brightened. “Then you should dance with me first.”

At least he hadn’t pretended sympathy.

The band started with a country song. I threw myself into dancing, releasing my sorrow. After four songs, I stopped to get a drink, taking a minute to catch up with Mal, the bar owner and bartender.

“Let’s go shake our money makers.” Avery smacked my butt and I squealed.

Mal laughed and I felt the heat of a blush.

“Hell yeah,” I hollered, waving to Mal.

We closed the bar down and Avery and I were the only sober ones, even Mal looked lit. Despite two offers for company, I went home alone, and fell asleep hopeful for the first time that I’d recover.





Chapter Twenty-Five: Dare

Jericho and I rode out before dawn, heading out to the hunting cabin. Zayn, Rebel and a handful of guys would head out in a second group. It’d been leave or drink, so we left. Normally a long ride blew all my demons away, but not this morning. The monkey on my back had sunk his claws down deep.

Her dull green eyes haunted me so much I saw them every time I closed my eyes. Those eyes stole my rage and left only a hollow hole where it normally burned. My eyes hurt from the all-nighter, at least that’s what I told myself. Why had I done it?

It didn’t matter because we were destined to crash. One of us had to end it, and at least I hadn’t had to dig for the resolve to do it, because I wasn’t sure I would have been able. Red had become too important, and my chest constricted thinking she was gone. All those parts she lit up died with one word, but I’d kept walking, needing the space to explode without killing any of my brothers.

When I’d stumbled into the clubhouse around dark, Jericho had been there. When he said her name I roared and decked him. We fought until we both lay panting on the floor unable to move.

Now, we rode together, the three of us, like we always did. At least that felt normal when nothing else did. We slowed, pulling into the drive of the cabin. I parked my bike and grabbed my pack, ready to get my drink on. I planned to be fucked up for the foreseeable future.

Jericho beat me off the bike and had a bottle of bourbon in hand. “Lay down.”