Enough(85)

“I’ll stay off the radar.” I had no desire to see any of the bikers.

“Girl, you light up anywhere you are. No, you use Rock or Bear, both stayed behind.”

I wanted to punch something. I finally had no desire to run to another man, and now I needed protection. Rock wasn’t an option. He had a thing for me, and I never would for him.

“You got Bear’s number? He might need a heads-up.”

MJ wrote the number down for me. She stood and started to speak, but instead shook her head and left.

I texted Bear. Can I be your property for a couple weeks?

He responded in seconds. As long as I don’t have to fuck you.

I put my hand over my mouth trying to swallow the laugh. I typed my response. That’s what I plan to avoid.

Sure, Mama. I’ll bash heads for you. He obviously understood the situation better than me. It never occurred to me my opinion might not matter.

Thanks. I figured he stayed behind because of a lover. Biker work ethic wasn’t that strong. So I typed, Introduce me to the guy.

The fuck? Don’t answer. He wasn’t so hard to figure out once I dug under his prickly defenses.

I styled my hair and applied makeup for the first time in almost a week, and a bud of optimism shot through me.

I decided to distract myself by shopping. I had extra money in the bank, so I called Rachel. When she didn’t answer I remembered she and her girl were gone this week to Vegas. So much for my plan for Rachel to divert me.

I bit my lip as memories of Dare zipped through my mind. I stood still and focused on my white walls until the memories had been shoved behind the locked door where all my other nightmares lived.

“No.” I shouted the word in my empty apartment. The memory dissolved, and I tasted blood from where I’d bitten my lip. Pain ricocheted through me until I longed to curl up, but I didn’t. I was done with that.

I started on Main Street, needing to meet the shop’s neighbors before venturing further. After three shops, I had to lug my purchases back to my apartment. I’d bought a new lamp, a soft sofa blanket and a new set of plates. I decided to start across the street at the boutique on my second trip. I’d only been in that one time, but pretty clothes sounded perfect and I hadn’t stopped by Black Label since my lunch with Andi.

The door jingled when I walked in. The smell of polished leather hung in the air. Around me were racks of clothes that instantly made me drool.

“Can I help you?” A short girl with a pixie cut dyed teal smiled up at me. “Hey, great to see you again.”

I sorted through a rack of tanks and halters on clearance, picking out five. I laid them on the counter.

“You’re dating the sexy one, Dare?”

And like that, the pain I ignored almost brought me to my knees.

“What? You okay? Did I say the wrong thing?” She squeezed my arm. “I don’t filter, all my friends say so.”

And before I knew what was happening, the story poured out of me. A condensed version, but it felt good to say it aloud.

“Sucks a big one.” She patted my back. “You gotta come out with us tonight. Like six of us are getting together to drink and dance. Cut loose. Get fucked up.”

It sounded fun, but crawling back into bed sounded better. “I don’t drink.”

“Hell yeah, another sober one to celebrate with me.” She winked at me. “Two drinks and I pass out, so I gave it up.” Her easy humor and energy were contagious.

I pushed back the pain. “Okay, but you have to help me find an outfit for dancing. I need new memories.”

I spent two hours in the shop trying on clothes before I settled on an outfit for the night at Blue’s Tavern. I hauled my two bags of new clothes back home and decided on a nap. Functioning as a human required too much energy.

At six I ate grilled cheese before I started getting ready to go out. I changed my mind a thousand times as I did my hair and touched up my makeup. I stared at the smiling girl in the mirror who wore a flirty flared miniskirt that hit midthigh and a tank with a shredded back. I decided a bra ruined the effect, and went without.

I was sick of the rules.

After a second look, I applied the nipple stickers. The stickers hid the jutting point of my nipples, so I wouldn’t poke out eyes.

At eight, I walked through the front door of Blue’s Tavern. Music played overhead, and locals filled the long bar. A scattering of tables had been shoved back, making room for a dance floor with a small stage butted against the wall.

Like at the club party, with those wicked balls.

“Hey!” Avery grabbed my hands and jumped up and down. “So hot! And the boots were the right call.”

She introduced me to her friends Carla, Frankie, and Glory. The sympathetic stares meant Avery had shared my story.