“This trailer triggered my attack.” She touched my chin, gently pushing up. “I have some nasty baggage, even I didn’t know how bad until today.”
I raised my gaze to hers, still not seeing how this wasn’t on me.
“If you’ll listen, not make up your mind based on what you saw, I’ll share something I’ve never said aloud.” Tears welled and ran down her face.
I’d never seen her cry. Something deep in me twisted and rage boiled in me. I never wanted to see her cry again.
“You don’t owe me...” I scooped her in my arms, unable to let her cry alone. “Don’t cry, Red.” I carried her to my porch swing.
We sat down, and she turned so her back rested on the armrest.
“Will you listen?” She didn’t speak again.
Time passed and I wished I was strong enough to just walk away, but a part of me hoped for a way forward.
“Yes.” I spoke quietly.
“My father, he hit me, hurt me and tried to break me. I ran away, but it was a four-year nightmare before I escaped.” She spoke with no emotion.
I’d thought she’d been hurt and the fact that her father was the one pissed me off to all-new levels. “You don’t have to—”
“I do.” She met my gaze but I couldn’t hold hers. “I had an almost fairy-tale childhood until I was twelve. My mom died of an aneurysm, dead suddenly in our kitchen while my father watched. He was like the dad on Leave It to Beaver before she died. Then his grief consumed him, and he wasted away. My sister escaped to college the year after Mom died.” She squeezed her eyes tight, struggling for some type of control.
I scooted her onto my lap, pressing her close to me.
“We lost the house, and got kicked out of one rental, then another, and we ended up in the poorest section of town in a broken-down, ready-to-condemn trailer park. Our trailer was the saddest, nothing like your place. Your home is so much nicer than my apartment.”
I’d never had a home, not really, and after today I would never stay here again. The reminder that this place had hurt her, well that was more than enough reason to move on.
“He woke up and drank until he passed out. And he hit me. The first time surprised me. And then the nightmare became my reality. I never avoided his fists for long.”
I went rigid with fury at the pain she’d endured. “You don’t need to go on. I understand.”
“I dreamt of the night he dislocated my shoulder and broke my arm.”
Mother. Fucker. I moved her off my lap and stalked away as I battled for control over my rage. How could anyone let her face such abuse alone? I knew only too well how fathers treated their children—mistreated them. I turned and drove my fist straight into the metal of the trailer. But it didn’t make me feel a single bit better.
“I woke up in the middle of a severe panic attack. The last time I had one this severe was six years ago.” Her expression begged me to accept her, but I was the one who should be begging.
“If I’d known a trailer would trigger one, I’d have told you. Being here made me anxious, but I thought it’d pass. No one’s ever seen me lose my shit so bad.” She hung her head and mumbled, “I’d understand if you’re done with me.” So lost looking, with her knees drawn to her chest and head buried.
My anger still burned but my need to make this right trumped even the anger.
I sat on the swing. “Red.” I hesitated. “What do you want?”
“I asked you first,” she whispered.
I hated the sound of defeat in her voice. “Look at me.”
She lifted her head but looked past me.
“You and me. I like it, too much. Don’t want to let it go, or burn you. Now more than ever.” I struggled to put what I thought into words. “I wish you’d told me about the trailer, so you didn’t have to hurt.”
She moved closer, placing my arm over her shoulders. I curled my arm tight around her as we sat swinging. I could see her thinking and I let her be.
“I see you.” She kissed my hand. “And I want you. But I’m afraid my crazy will get in the way again.” Her voice cracked. “Enough, that’s the word. We both can use it.”
She stole my breath with the honesty of her words and even more the way she showed herself to me. She’d laid bare her darkest nightmares, but I held mine tight, still too much of a coward to share them with her. No way could I walk away from what she offered.
“Yeah, Red. I see you too.” I gently kissed her temple and we sat swaying in the fading light.
I went inside and grabbed her bag, closing and locking the door. I’d call Zayn and have him move my clothes and shit into the club. I never wanted to see this place again. Another brother could use it because now this place held nothing but bad memories for me.