He tugged me up as he stood. He possessed me with his kiss, and I was ecstatic to be claimed. Once he’d fastened his jeans, he cradled me on his lap. I snuggled into him, happy for the first time in a long time.
“How old are you?” I had never asked. “And I don’t know your name.”
He sat still a minute, and I thought he might not answer. “I’m twenty-seven and my birth name was Darren Forrester, but I never use it.”
I understood why. His parents had betrayed him in the worst way possible.
“Will you forgive me?” His blue eyes shadowed with remorse.
“Of course, shh.”
He leaned away from me. “No, Red, don’t give me a pass. Listen to me.”
I sat straighter. “I’m listening.”
“I didn’t understand how I’d hurt you until that night in front of the club.” He tightened his grip on me. “I knew, almost instantly, I’d upset you when I walked away.”
“Twice. You did it to me twice.” The words came without thought.
He nodded. “But I’m so fucked up. I thought I protected you by leaving. You deserved someone whole, someone better than me.”
His quiet words devastated me. He deserved more. “I thought you pushed me away because I wasn’t enough.” Emotion choked me. I swallowed it down. “So you left me.”
His hand caressed my cheek. “You’re so much more than enough. No one ever cared for me like you do, and it screwed with my head. Built up all this fear inside me.” He blew out a heavy breath. “Even after, you went out of your way to be kind. And I kept driving knives into you.” He hung his head. “Forgive me. There’s no apology for the pain I caused you.”
I absorbed his words. They pushed past the love that glowed around me like a shield, sinking deeper until they settled in the dark pit of my soul. He needed my forgiveness because he’d done serious damage, and he couldn’t repair it. But I had the choice to forgive him. Accept him.
I touched his cheek and haunted eyes searched my face. “I can forgive you and...” He closed his eyes like he awaited his sentence. “...need a promise from you. A commitment. You can’t ever push me away like this again. No matter what worries you, share it with me. Be open.”
He hung his head, and pain stole my breath. Had we come this far for everything to blow up?
“I can’t share club business. Red, I’d do anything for you but betray my brothers.” His hair hid his face, but I heard the regret in his voice.
Chapter Thirty-Three: Dare
My pulse jumped inside me. I feared this was it. Red had suffered so much, and I couldn’t give her what she needed to feel safe.
“Wait.” She squeezed my hands.
I froze and waited for her to pass judgment on me.
“I don’t need the club’s secrets, or any secrets you aren’t willing to share.” She frowned and spoke fast. “Say you got shit bothering you, and it’s eating you. Tell me how you feel, and if you can or want to, what bothers you. I’m a good listener.”
I could do that. Relief eased the vise that squeezed my chest.
“But I can’t ever feel the way I did these past few months. It’s more than I can risk, worrying when you’ll push me away for my own good or whatever crazy reason you come up with.” She kissed my cheek, hesitant.
“That I can do. I’ve spent years hiding shit, but I never want to hurt you again.”
“I forgive you.” Her words were music to my black soul. “And it means you have nothing to make up, you understand.”
I shook my head because I had so much to make up for.
“Believe it. I love you, and nothing will ever change my love.” She kissed me. “You deserve love.”
I moved away unable to believe what she’d said. I was the last bastard who deserved love. I was mean, ruthless and ashamed—no one deserved love less than me, but she still loved me, which made no sense to me.
“I guess I’ll have to spend my life showing you.” She toyed with my hair.
I kissed her, trying to tell her with my actions what I had no idea how to say, would never be able to say. She tasted like sunshine and sweetness and a brand-new beginning.
“Let’s get home. I’m past due for some make-up sex.” She grinned at me.
“Hell yeah.” I smacked her ass as we hurried to her SUV.
At her place, she tugged me into the bedroom, nearly climbing me before I was undressed. “So beautiful. You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”
I put my mouth to work showing her how beautiful I thought she was. It would be hours before I let her out of bed. I had a lot of thoughts about her body.