Then she cried. She cried for her first orgasm while making love to a man and how beautiful it was. She shed tears for the only time she was with a man who took his time with her, wanted to make her feel good and loved, even though she knew that wasn’t what this was about.
She called what happened making love because she couldn’t bring herself to call it fucking. Sienna wasn’t sure whether Carson thought it was fucking, but she couldn’t tarnish her memories. In her mind, she wanted to put what just happened on a pedestal and leave it there forever.
Yet another reason why Carson had to leave. If he stayed, she risked not being able to remember this special night, and she wanted desperately to memorize it. She needed to save it, bank it away for a cold and lonely night.
What made her cry even harder was the thought of living a life devoid of love, romance, and spending her days with someone to hold her. She might never have any of that, but she had this night. A night where she felt everything there was to feel at its greatest heights. A night where she felt safe and warm, adored, and satiated in the best way.
This evening also stood as a reminder of what she was missing, what she had to give up when she ran from all she ever knew. More tears began to flow for the partner, the forever someone, that she would never call her own.
As her sobs began to lessen, Sienna forced herself not to think about what she had to live without, and concentrated on how she was going to stay alive. She would keep this delicious memory with her, but she had to run again. Having to leave the small little cocoon she’d created for herself in Vegas with a few friends, a career, money, and a house was almost enough to break her, but she loved life too much. She also adored her new family, and with this crazy Sam guy chasing her around, she couldn’t risk any of them getting hurt. Who knew what Sam Charles was really up to?
The idea of saying good-bye to Asher, Petal, and Mike made her cry the biggest and hardest tears. Did she owe them the truth? Could they take it? Would they want to make it right with Elon and expose her?
Finally exhausted, Sienna cried herself to sleep.
Friday
WHEN SIENNA woke up the next day puffy-eyed, she wanted someone to talk to. She didn’t want to lie there by herself and cry some more. She really only had two choices, Asher or Petal. After interrupting Asher and Natalie earlier in the week, she chose Petal.
Within a half hour of her text, Petal let herself into Sienna’s place and crawled into bed with her, holding a mug of warm chamomile tea.
How had their roles become reversed? Sienna was supposed to be the one mentoring Petal, yet she was so inexperienced in relationships, she had to turn to someone younger for comfort.
Petal smoothed Sienna’s hair, and all that did was make her think of Carson’s soft touch, the way he caressed her hair behind her ear the night before, and how she’d washed his smell off her whole body and shampooed it out of her hair.
Soon Sienna was crying again, and Petal kept repeating, “Shh, don’t cry.” After a few minutes of letting her tears run their course, Petal asked, “What happened, Sie? Did someone hurt you?”
Oh God, Sienna thought to herself. She couldn’t deal with anyone thinking Carson hurt her. She straightened up and firmly said, “No, nobody hurt me.”
Then she sighed and fell back into the pillows. “Actually, the opposite. This someone, Carson, made me feel so good, and I’ve never had that before, ever. Isn’t that so sad?”
Once she started opening up, she couldn’t stop. After wrapping herself back in her Carson-scented comforter, she said, “He treated me so delicately, and took his time making me feel things I never felt before. Like never, Petal. It felt like he cared for me, more than just the stripper he was smitten with. I never had any of that in my life. Then I asked him to leave. I didn’t want him to stay. I was so scared of getting even more attached in one night, if that’s possible. Is that normal? Ugh, I know it’s not. I’m not normal. I’m a sex symbol who doesn’t know how to spend a night with a man.”
Petal listened. Somehow she knew Sienna needed a friend to hear her out, which was probably why she approached Petal instead of Asher. Being a man, Asher would have tried to fix everything, and she just needed to talk, cry, and talk some more. After an hour of quietly listening to Sienna unburden herself about the night before, Petal encouraged her to take a bubble bath with some cold compresses on her eyes.
After helping her get settled, Petal stayed in the bathroom with Sienna. With her eyes covered with cold cucumber slices and her body submerged in bubbles, it made Petal’s next statement a lot easier for Sienna to digest.