After begrudgingly pulling out and removing the condom, Carson settled right beside Sienna, one leg lightly resting over hers while he smoothed her hair behind her ear. They were silent.
Carson could feel her uncertainty surfacing, her anxiety over what just happened. He didn’t know what to say to make it go away. This was uncharted territory for him. He did good times, drinks, and sex. He had no idea how to comfort and reassure in bed.
So he said, “You all right?” when what he really wanted to ask was if it was good for her. He wanted to take away her fears and tell her that he quite possibly wanted to do this for a long time. But he didn’t.
First, he had no idea where those thoughts were coming from, and second, he had no idea how make those words come out of his mouth.
“Yes, I’m fine,” she replied. “Thank you for being gentle with me. It was clear you knew how new this type of thing was to me. I’m kind of embarrassed, but it was so decadent.” She hid her head in the pillow.
“Don’t be.” He lingered with his fingers in her blonde locks and allowed her to hide, desperately trying to figure out how to wrap this whole thing up, despite wanting to pull her tight against him and stay there for days.
He had to leave before he was stuck. Not just physically stuck, but mentally.
Cocksucker.
Then she let him off the hook. Pulling her face out of the pillow, she looked at him with softened yet unsure eyes and said, “I’ve never had anyone sleep over, and I don’t feel comfortable with it. Let’s say good night. I’m going to shower and go to bed.”
That was it. She dismissed him. His stripper—who was anything but experienced when it came to intimacy, which he liked a lot—was asking him to leave after sex.
He didn’t even have to try to slip out. She gave him an easy out, and although it was what he thought he wanted, Carson suddenly realized he really didn’t fucking like that. Not one damn bit.
“I understand,” he answered nonetheless, and slowly moved to get up.
Not being able to control what happened next, he asked, “Can we see each other tomorrow? I know you work, but a late lunch or coffee?” Somehow, he didn’t want to ask for a nightcap and have this just be about sex.
“I have to help a little early at the club tomorrow. We have a VIP party coming in, and I have to make sure the girls are all set. Perhaps a quick coffee, but honestly, I don’t want this to be about guilt over what just happened. I’m a big girl.”
Carson tilted his head to the side, trying to understand and make sense of where this sudden change in personality was coming from. “That’s not what this is about. I’d like to get together, have coffee, talk. I could pick you up around three and then drop you off at the club, so you wouldn’t have to take the town car.”
Shit, I’m eager to spend time with her and prove her wrong.
“Okay,” was all she said in response.
He wasn’t going to argue. As he finished putting on his pants and shirt, he said, “It’s a plan,” then leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her lips. He tasted like her, smelled like the two of them, and he was leaving when all he wanted to do was stay.
Fuck, what’s wrong with me? Go!
Sienna got up and wrapped herself in a robe, then walked him to the door. With weariness in her eyes, she said good-bye, then locked the door behind him.
AFTER SAYING good night to Carson, Sienna wasn’t in the mood for her usual nightly bath. She didn’t want to be alone with her thoughts bubbling in her head. Despite desperately wanting to keep his scent all over her body and hair, she showered like she said she was going to when he left. As the water poured down from the rain head, she could only think one thought: My first time with a man who actually cared about pleasing me, and I ask him to go.
She had no other choice but to ask him to leave; she was going to drown in emotion if she didn’t. It was one thing to be made love to gently for the first time at twenty-eight years old, it was another to sleep next to the man involved and keep her emotions at bay.
It would be undeniably impossible to keep her feelings wrapped up nice and neat if he stayed, lingered in her bed, whispering sweet nothings and false promises, and then fell asleep next to her. This was the same reason why Sienna begrudgingly washed their mixed scents off her in a hot shower and slipped into a fresh robe. She needed fewer reminders of all that she wanted in life, yet couldn’t begin to allow herself to have. All that was Carson.
She couldn’t bring herself to change her sheets, so when she climbed back into bed, it smelled like Carson and her orgasm intermingled with his. She couldn’t help but to breathe deeply everywhere she could. She wrapped herself tight around her pillows, sheets, and blanket, chasing her drug of choice, inhaling deeply of every last scent of Carson and the two of them together from her bed.