Not ones with her vibrator.
With Carson. And I’m going to make some.
Sunday morning
SIENNA SLEPT in until ten thirty on the next morning, which was something she hadn’t done in a while. She had been exhausted once she got home the night before from her churning emotions. Her heart and mind were at odds with each other, and she’d tossed and turned trying to fall asleep, even after the relaxation of her bath.
She told herself she had to be rational and go back to her plan. A plan where she definitely didn’t open herself fully to anyone of the opposite sex, other than Asher, of course.
Yet her heart pounded with an urgency to get to know Carson like it never had before. She could feel the muscle throbbing in her chest, blood flowing in and out, desire building within the walls and seeping out into her bones. The night before she easily gave in to the organ, which pumped life into her blood, allowing herself to dream of frivolous, steamy sex with Carson, but that wasn’t on the docket for survival.
But her body wasn’t listening to her more pragmatic side.
Sienna had never had true intimacy. Certainly not in her marriage. She had been taught that sex was mainly for procreation. In her one relationship, there was never any emphasis on feeling good, orgasms, or pleasuring each other, yet she knew her husband forcing himself on her wasn’t the way it was supposed to be either. This was a large part of the reason why she loved her new world. The club was about feeling good, going deep with sexual desires, and fulfilling dreams without ever being shamed.
Many critics thought the adult entertainment world was rife with violence and altogether dirty and shameful in its pursuits. Sienna knew this to be largely untrue, other than the few lousy sons of bitches in the business.
She had lived in a world of violence and dirty gestures shrouded as holy. The life surrounding the club might not have been holy or wholesome, but it was liberating and satisfying, which was why there were so many couples who came to the club. There was a purpose in pleasure for them.
For the most part, the bachelor parties got wild and a little crazy, but never out of hand. They were really not the way the movies portrayed them. Mostly the “batching” guys were out to have a good time, bank away fantasies for later, drink too much, and have a great night out with their friends.
After being immersed in this world for more than half a decade, it was only natural that a piece of her yearned for some kind of intimacy. The pleasuring kind. The only thing was, she couldn’t have it. Her brain, her logical side, told her that opening herself up to any kind of relationship in order to have intimacy was risky.
Her body was on a separate mission to feel something, to touch and be touched. It was a deadly mission, yet she couldn’t stop herself.
TO KEEP her mind busy and avoid cleaning her place for the second time in two days, Sienna texted Sydney and Petal and invited them over for coffee. A morning with the girls was a good way to steer her mind away from her lunch date with Carson.
Do I tell them about the date?
Throwing back on her cardigan from her adventure at Asher’s the day before, Sienna shoved her feet in soft slippers and padded out to the kitchen. She knew the girls would come in similar outfits. They relished their time to be casual and comfy after working late hours with all the makeup and uncomfortable outfits.
While waiting, Sienna baked a small banana loaf for the three of them. As she was pulling the loaf from the oven, her phone pinged with a text. Her first thought was that maybe one of her friends changed her mind, which made her nervous at the prospect of having to occupy herself for a few hours. To be left alone with her warring thoughts seemed torturous.
Then panic ran through her…maybe Carson was canceling? While that would be the best thing for both of them, the thought plagued her every fiber and assaulted her soul.
She grabbed the phone and peeked. It was neither.
Mike: What’s the plan? You know what I mean.
Sienna: Late lunch. 2 p.m. Bella’s near Canyon Coffee. Didn’t tell Ash.
Mike: OK. I feel you but you’ll have to tell him soon.
Sienna: No. This is going to be it after this lunch.
Mike: I’ll be outside your place at 1:30.
He didn’t respond to her mention of this being the last time. Does he think this is going to be an ongoing thing?
Sienna didn’t bother to argue with the arrangement. Mike was going to tail her again, and Carson knew she had someone watching. Maybe it would be a big turnoff. With that thought, her doorbell rang and in walked her friends. Thank you, God.
Sydney, sporting doggie print pajamas and her auburn hair knotted in a bun on top of her head as though she just rolled out of bed, went straight for the coffeepot. Petal plopped down in the big blue and white damask floral armchair, her jet black hair fanning out around her, the color rich and seductive, a complete contrast to the softness of the chair Sienna chose for her living space. All three of them were chatting at once, the smell of banana and coffee permeating the room, a feeling of easiness in the air. It was times like this that made Sienna feel she’d survive in this life…forever.