Electrified(106)

Carson expected the tiny flecks of life to grow bigger in time. He was trying to be hopeful that they would expand with him, and not after Lila ditched him. Would she dump him after learning the truth?

He nuzzled Lila closer to his body, careful to be extra gentle. He didn’t want to hurt her any more than she already had been by Elon. They settled into an embrace, faces buried in each other’s necks, while he silently convinced himself they were both okay. He breathed in and she breathed out as the car took them away from the warehouse.

There were still a lot of blanks to fill in with Lila’s story, but Carson had a pretty good idea of what had happened years ago. She probably always wanted to love, be loved, and grasp life in every way possible. Her awful, violent, and painful marriage didn’t break that desire. Lila had to tamp it down in order to survive.

She kept her desires hidden down deep, but it left a little twinkle, even behind contacts and spotlights. With the floodgates open to a new release on life about to be opened, Lila would be able to allow her eyes to shine all she wanted. Whether that was with him was to be determined, and that scared the shit out of him.

Carson didn’t care what all this emotion said about him. He never thought he’d have anything like this in his lifetime. He wasn’t even sure he deserved it, but he had something so precious in his arms, he wasn’t giving it up.

Not only had he convinced himself he didn’t deserve it, for years he told himself he didn’t want or need it. He never thought this would be the path his life took, but at the moment, he was damn happy. He needed Lila; he hoped she needed him, too.

She stirred in his arms, and he looked up to find her completely focused on him.

Lila just stared at Carson for the longest time, and he gave her that. He didn’t want to force her to talk, so he bit his tongue and gave her time to adjust at her own pace.

When she finally spoke, she said, “I’m sorry.”

You’re sorry?

“No, baby, don’t say that,” Carson started to say, but Lila interrupted him, shaking her head from side to side.

Running her finger mindlessly along his tattoo on his forearm, leaning into him, Lila said, “I don’t mean about today, but lying to you about my past. I had to protect myself. Oh God, I can’t believe you’re here and had to witness all that and him, Elon. I don’t know how much you know now. I assume you know that he was my husband, and he clearly still is a violent and mean man. I didn’t know he was in the porn business. Guess that’s how he found me, because people in my culture really don’t embrace public sensuality, or anything sexual, for that matter.” She hid in his chest, wiped her tears on his shirt, and continued to quietly cry and shake in his tight hold.

Carson listened without interrupting, merely stroked her arm gently and nodded, encouraging her to continue.

“He beat me when we were married. My parents were so enamored with him, I knew they wouldn’t believe it. They never wanted to hear about his controlling side, so I ran away. I ran to Vegas and started dancing because I thought I was safe in a world so far removed from the one I came from. I never meant to get involved, to fall for someone and get them stuck in this whole mess, like I did with you.”

“Shh,” Carson said as he traced a path with his hand along her face, stopping at the nape of her neck. He pulled her close to drop a kiss on her forehead, then placed tiny ones along her brow, and finally a small one on her lips. “I know, I was able to piece most of this together in the last couple of days.” He continued to run his hands all over Lila, now rubbing up and down her sore legs, massaging her muscles.

“But, baby,” he went on, “I’m the one who should be sorry. You see, the missing person I was looking for out west was you. I didn’t know it until the last night we were together, and I was heading back east to drop the case. I was putting together a game plan for making you safe when you were taken from your place. It’s me who should be apologizing, not you.” He dropped his head and hoped for forgiveness.

Lila gasped. “What?”

“Yeah, this is so hard. Your parents hired me to find you, Lilach,” he said, deliberately using her full name, loving how it sounded rolling off his lips. “At first, I only met your mom and dad, not Elon. I didn’t even know you were married. Your parents just told me they wanted their daughter back, and their friends and community were paying my bill.”

Her eyes widened as he said, “I caught on pretty quickly that they were less than honest, and then I met Elon. The way they talked, it became obvious they wanted you back only so they could be back in their in-laws’ good graces. It killed me when I realized the search had very little to do with you. Honey, I’m sorry.”