Eighteen (18)(74)
The judge enters and the bailiff asks us to rise. Then he tells us to sit and they start calling my case. “The People vs. Shannon Drake.”
I want to die right now.
But then the lawyers start talking and in three minutes, the judge pronounces the charges dropped. Mateo shakes my lawyer’s hand and then takes mine, leading me out of the courthouse.
I hang my head again. I never look up to see all those people as they gawk at us. We walk out to the parking lot in silence, in the chilly morning air, and then he holds my door open to his car.
I get in and lean my head against the window.
He sighs as he closes his door. “You OK?”
“I want to see Olivia.”
“You can’t.”
I look at him. “What do you mean?”
“It was part of the deal. No contact with her until there’s a complete investigation with Social Services. Weren’t you listening in there?”
“I was too busy worrying about being charged with drugging her, so no, sorry. I missed the legal jargon about them taking my only family member away.”
“Shannon,” he says, using that voice I’ve come to associate with his sexual requests. It makes my stomach turn. “You were almost implicated in a child endangerment case. You had her at a known drug house last night.”
“I was taking her home!”
“I get that,” he growls. “But there’s a procedure to these things.”
“Fuck your procedures,” I say. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t ever do anything wrong, Mateo. So why the fuck do I always have to do penance for other people’s mistakes?”
He starts up the car without commenting and we stay angry and silent as we make our way back to his house. I don’t wait for him to get my door, just jump out and start walking down his driveway.
“Where the fuck are you going?”
“Home,” I snap.
“You can’t go home, Shannon. It’s a crime scene. They got a warrant last night to search for drugs. It’s taped off and you can’t go in.”
“Great.” I throw up my hands. “Just fucking great.” I want to scream so bad. I want to yell at the entire world right now.
“Just come inside.”
I laugh. “You think we’re still together?”
“Why wouldn’t we be?” he sneers.
He’s serious. He’s actually fucking serious. “You lied to me.”
“It was my job, Shannon.”
“Was I your job? Did you get to know me so you could bust Jason and Phil?”
I wait for the answer I so desperately need to hear, but it never comes.
“Great, that’s just great. You’ve been playing me all right. But not like an instrument.”
“That’s not true,” he says, reaching for my hand.
But I shake it off. “Then what part’s true? Did you know about Jason before we met?”
“Yeah.” He nods.
“So it is true. You used me, Mateo.”
“I didn’t use you, Shannon. Everything we had was real.”
“Except for the parts that weren’t, right? How could I ever believe you? Especially after you told me all those lies when we first met.”
“That was fantasy talk and you know it.”
“How do I know it? It’s a serious question. How the hell do I know which parts are true, which parts are lies, and which parts are fantasy? Did you really see me when I was walking to Bill’s to get food?”
“Yeah.”
But I can hear the ‘but’ he left unsaid. “But you already knew me, didn’t you?”
“Shannon—”
“No.” I stop him with a hand to his chest. “Leave me alone.”
I turn and walk down his driveway and make a left at the street.
“Where are you going?” he calls. “Shannon!”
I ignore him, just keep walking until I get to the street I normally take to school and turn left again.
“Slow down, dammit. Where are you going?”
Mateo follows me, asking that question over and over. Asking me to stop and slow down over and over. But I just keep walking until I am standing on Lincoln Avenue in front of the school.
“What the fuck are you doing?”
I cross the street at the light and start heading towards the front steps.
“Shannon,” Mateo growls as I start climbing them. “What the fuck are you doing?” He grabs my hand again, making me stop and whirl around.
“I’m gonna have a conversation with Mr. Bowman, Mr. Alesci. And I’m gonna tell him what I should’ve told him four months ago.”
He just stares at me, his green eyes searching mine for answers. He’s not panicked, and that surprises me. But he does look slightly nervous.