“Is that a hot button or something? Do you not want kids?”
“I’m 28, not 48. Fuck.” I shook my head.
“Yeah, but … answer the question. Do you not want kids?”
I shifted in my seat. “I don’t know. Haven’t really thought about it.”
Ryke glared at me and spoke in a pissed off tone. “So you asked a single mom to come here, with her kid, and you’re falling all over her, but you haven’t thought about whether you want kids? You’re either lying or you’re an asshole.”
“Fuck off.”
He pulled up to a red light and turned to me. “Luke, it’s me. We’re BFFs, remember? Best Fucking Friends?”
“Fine, asshole.” I looked over at him, aggravated. “I don’t think I’d be a good father, okay? I had a fucked up example and kids are too important to wing it with.”
“What about Kyler?”
“He has a dad. I want whatever part Dell wants me to have in his life. I just don’t think I can handle being a dad to a kid from birth to … forever, you know? That’s a hell of a lot of chances to screw them up.”
“It’s not as hard as you think.”
I shook my head and watched the city roll by through my window. “Just this – asking Dell to come here – was a big thing for me.”
“Yeah, it was. I’m glad you did it.”
We rode the rest of the way in silence. I was lost in my own thoughts. Though I knew I was happy Dell was here, I didn’t know where things were going with us. A relationship would be so fucking hard during the season. Nearly impossible.
But I’d known that when I asked her to come here, and still, I couldn’t stop myself from doing it.
***
Dell
Luke was a powerhouse. I couldn’t see any reminders of his injury in the way he moved on the ice. He and Ryke moved in tandem, anticipating each other’s next move better than anyone I’d ever seen.
Baby AJ was at home with Kate’s mom, so it was just me, Kate, Kyler and Melody. The kids had taken to each other immediately, and I was getting a huge kick out of eavesdropping on their conversation.
“Luke really likes you,” Kate said, turning to me during a timeout in the game.
“I like him, too.”
“He’s a good guy. Really easygoing and a great friend. But he’s always alone at events for the team.”
I nodded with understanding. “It’s hard in this league, because jersey chasers are aggressive, and the guys don’t know if the interest is about their money or them.”
“You really get the culture, having grown up in it.”
“Yeah. It’s good and bad. You won’t meet anyone more cynical about hockey players and relationships than the girl who travels with a hockey team.”
Kate smiled. “Luke’s like Ryke. He means what he says.”
“He hasn’t said anything,” I said, shrugging. “We didn’t get to spend much time together before he had to leave, at least not away from the rink. I think we’re just … keeping in touch, you know?”
“Uh, no. Luke’s never introduced a woman to Ryke.”
I turned back to the game, letting her words sink in. Luke hooked his stick around the puck and was pummeled into the wall face-first. It was a hard hit, and I bit my lip with worry.
He slid down the wall, nearly hitting the ice before he shook his head and pulled himself up. He was dazed – I could tell from his sluggish movement. It was all I could do not to jump up and run down there like a mother hen.
“Mom, is Luke okay?” Kyler asked me.
“He’d say so if he wasn’t, sweets.” But I knew he probably wouldn’t. I’d seen guys play through broken bones, fractures and concussions.
I was on edge as I watched him though a trainer’s eyes. His sluggishness passed and he seemed to be balancing fine when he controlled the puck. I didn’t relax until he came out and went to the bench, tipping a water bottle up to his mouth and squeezing it. He was talking to a player next to him. If he was hurt badly, he wouldn’t likely be doing that.
Our team was down 2-1 when I glanced over at Kate. “How’s Ryke after a loss?” I asked.
She rolled her eyes in response. “Not really angry or anything, just broody.”
I smiled at her word, a fitting description for the mood in my team’s locker room after a loss.
“That’s if he’s home,” she added. “If he’s on the road, he’s usually over it by the time he gets home.”
They tied it up and left us all breathless by winning 3-2 in the final seconds of the game. Kyler and I were jumping and yelling with everyone else in the stands. I didn’t usually get to do that at the end of a game, since I went right to the locker room to get ready for post-game treatment of injuries.