Ecstasy Unveiled(104)
Tears burned her eyes. Horrible, acid tears that she deserved. She’d known that what she did to Rami was unforgivable, but hearing Lore—a demon—say how awful it was with so much passion, oh, sweet, sweet Lord, she deserved whatever Rami did to her.
“Idess? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you—”
“It’s not that.” She really wanted to throw up. “You don’t have to worry about me getting my wings. I’m not going to get them.” She didn’t deserve them anyway, had been fooling herself for centuries, thinking that she’d get into Heaven.
A scowl tugged his dark brows down. “What are you not telling me?”
“We only have one shot at finding Rami before your deadline. Angels aren’t allowed in the Playground, so I broke my vow and made sure I’m ruined. I can flash into Sheoul now.”
“Ruined?” He scrambled to his knees and gripped her shoulders as if he was going to shake her. “Oh, fuck. Do not tell me that I ruined you by making love to you.”
“It was my choice. It was the only way we’d get to Rami. It was the only way for you and Kynan to be saved. Until I’m officially summoned, I still have my powers. Just not angel status.”
“Damn it,” he whispered. “I knew I shouldn’t have made love to you. You’re so much better than I am. I’ve tainted you—”
She stopped him with a finger pressed to his sinful lips. “You aren’t listening to me. And no, I’m not better than you are. Don’t you see, Lore? You’ve punished yourself for being what you are. For loving your sister so much that you did what you thought was best, even though you saw it as a betrayal. You’ve given everything to your sister, and it’s time to take something for yourself. Take me. I can be with you now.” He didn’t need to know that “now” probably meant no more than a few hours before she was called before the Memitim Council… and likely destroyed.
He swallowed hard. “Do you realize what you just said, angel? Turn it back on yourself.”
Sluggish realization wove its way through her. She’d been punishing herself over Rami for centuries, putting all her energy into her guilt. Doing the same thing she’d just accused Lore of. But her betrayal had been far, far more damaging to her sibling.
She gulped miserably. “It’s not the same.”
“How can you tell me to take something for myself, to forgive myself, when you don’t walk the walk?”
He was right, and she nearly choked on her own hypocrisy. “I’ll take something for myself then. After we deal with Rami.”
“Prove it. Bond with me,” he blurted. “Swear to be my mate.”
Her heart slammed against her ribs. She hadn’t seen that coming. She’d been thinking more along the lines of a tropical cruise or a bigger house. Swallowing dryly, she glanced at his bedside clock because she couldn’t look at Lore, too afraid he’d mistake the doubt in her face for rejection of him, when the truth was, she still wasn’t sure she deserved to take anything so wonderful.
“We have to go.” Her voice cracked, and the doubt seeped out through it.
“I know.” He gripped her chin and brought her face back around. “I want this, Idess. I keep telling you that I’m selfish, and this only proves it. I can’t bond with anyone as long as I’m bonded to Deth, but as soon as we defeat your brother, I’ll be free. We’ll come back here, and I’ll make you mine. Forever. Don’t say no.”
Maybe she didn’t deserve this, but he did. And she couldn’t deny him anything. “Yes,” she whispered. “I’ll bond with you.” She smiled, hoping he didn’t notice the tremor on her lips, because they definitely did not have forever.
Two-fifty-nine A.M. Venezuela time.
Lore breathed deeply and handed Idess the dagger.
“You ready to do this?” “
Not at all.” She clutched the little bag of powdered monk wine tighter. She’d flashed in and out of the abbey with no problems, and she’d admitted to him that she’d been glad to test her powers. Rami had told her that ruined Memitim retained their abilities until their official summoning to the Council, but she’d been nervous about it, nevertheless.
“Can you do this?”
She averted her gaze, and fear spiked through him. He got that they were going to kill her beloved brother. But if they didn’t kill him, the contract with Deth would still stand, and Lore would once again be caught in an impossible situation with Kynan and Sin.
Though… if Idess had ruined herself by sleeping with Lore, would she still be required to guard Kynan?