Eclipse (Twilight Saga #3)(97)

All of Jasper's stories about newly created vampires had been percolating in my head since he'd explained his past. Now those stories jumped into sharp focus with the news of his and Emmett's wager. I wondered randomly what they were betting. What was a motivating prize when you had everything?

I'd always known that I would be different. I hoped that I would be as strong as Edward said I would be. Strong and fast and, most of all, beautiful. Someone who could stand next to Edward and feel like she belonged there.

I'd been trying not to think too much about the other things that I would be. Wild. Bloodthirsty. Maybe I would not be able to stop myself from killing people. Strangers, people who had never harmed me. People like the growing number of victims in Seattle, who'd had families and friends and futures. People who'd had lives. And I could be the monster who took that away from them.




 

 

But, in truth, I could handle that part-because I trusted Edward, trusted him absolutely, to keep me from doing anything I would regret. I knew he'd take me to Antarctica and hunt penguins if I asked him to. And I would do whatever it took to be a good person. A good vampire. That thought would have made me giggle, if not for this new worry.

Because, if I really were somehow like that-like the nightmarish images of newborns that Jasper had painted in my head-could I possibly be me? And if all I wanted was to kill people, what would happen to the things I wanted now?

Edward was so obsessed with me not missing anything while I was human. Usually, it seemed kind of silly. There weren't many human experiences that I worried about missing. As long as I got to be with Edward, what else could I ask for?

I stared at his face while he watched Carlisle fix my hand. There was nothing in this world that I wanted more than him. Would that, could that, change?

Was there a human experience that I was not willing to give up?





16. EPOCH

"I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR!" I MOANED TO MYSELF.

Every item of clothing I owned was strewn across my bed; my drawers and closets were bare. I stared into the empty recesses, willing something suitable to appear.

My khaki skirt lay over the back of the rocking chair, waiting for me to discover something that went with it just exactly right. Something that would make me look beautiful and grown up. Something that said special occasion. I was coming up empty.

It was almost time to go, and I was still wearing my favorite old sweats. Unless I could find something better here-and the odds weren't looking good at this point-I was going to graduate in them.

I scowled at the pile of clothes on my bed.

The kicker was that I knew exactly what I would have worn if it were still available-my kidnapped red blouse. I punched the wall with my good hand.

"Stupid, thieving, annoying vampire!" I growled.

"What did I do?" Alice demanded.

She was leaning casually beside the open window as if she'd been there the whole time.

"Knock, knock," she added with a grin.

"Is it really so hard to wait for me to get the door?"

She threw a flat, white box onto my bed. "I'm just passing through. I thought you might need something to wear."

I looked at the big package lying on top of my unsatisfying wardrobe and grimaced.

"Admit it," Alice said. "I'm a lifesaver."

"You're a lifesaver," I muttered. "Thanks."

"Well, it's nice to get something right for a change. You don't know how irritating it is-missing things the way I have been. I feel so useless. So . . . normal." She cringed in horror of the word. 

"I can't imagine how awful that must feel. Being normal? Ugh."

She laughed. "Well, at least this makes up for missing your annoying thief-now I just have to figure out what I'm not seeing in Seattle."

When she said the words that way-putting the two situations together in one sentence-right then it clicked. The elusive something that had been bothering me for days, the important connection that I couldn't quite put together, suddenly became clear. I stared at her, my face frozen with whatever expression was already in place.

"Aren't you going to open it?" she asked. She sighed when I didn't move immediately, and tugged the top of the box off herself. She pulled something out and held it up, but I couldn't concentrate on what it was. "Pretty, don't you think? I picked blue, because I know it's Edward's favorite on you."

I wasn't listening.

"It's the same," I whispered.

"What is?" she demanded. "You don't have anything like this. For crying out loud, you only own one skirt!"

"No, Alice! Forget the clothes, listen!"

"You don't like it?" Alice's face clouded with disappointment.

"Listen, Alice, don't you see? It's the same! The one who broke in and stole my things, and the new vampires in Seattle. They're together!"