Eclipse (Twilight Saga #3)(47)

"Not that you aren't pretty, Bella," she said, misreading my expression. "But it just meant that he found you more attractive than me. I'm vain enough that I minded."

"But you said 'at first.' That doesn't still . . . bother you, does it? I mean, we both know you're the most beautiful person on the planet."

I laughed at having to say the words-it was so obvious. How odd that Rosalie should need such reassurances.

Rosalie laughed, too. "Thanks, Bella. And no, it doesn't really bother me anymore. Edward has always been a little strange." She laughed again.

"But you still don't like me," I whispered.

Her smile faded. "I'm sorry about that."

We sat in silence for a moment, and she didn't seem inclined to go on.

"Would you tell me why? Did I do something . . . ?" Was she angry that I'd put her family-her Emmett-in danger? Time and time again. James, and now Victoria . . .




 

 

"No, you haven't done anything," she murmured. "Not yet."

I stared at her, perplexed.

"Don't you see, Bella?" Her voice was suddenly more passionate than before, even while she'd told her unhappy story. "You already have everything. You have a whole life ahead of you-everything I want. And you're going to just throw it away. Can't you see that I'd trade everything I have to be you? You have the choice that I didn't have, and you're choosing wrong!"

I flinched back from her fierce expression. I realized my mouth had fallen open and I snapped it shut.

She stared at me for a long moment and, slowly, the fervor in her eyes dimmed. Abruptly, she was abashed.

"And I was so sure that I could do this calmly." She shook her head, seeming a little dazed by the flood of emotion. "It's just that it's harder now than it was then, when it was no more than vanity."

She stared at the moon in silence. It was a few moments before I was brave enough to break into her reverie.

"Would you like me better if I chose to stay human?"

She turned back to me, her lips twitching into a hint of a smile. "Maybe."

"You did get some of your happy ending, though," I reminded her. "You got Emmett."

"I got half." She grinned. "You know that I saved Emmett from a bear that was mauling him, and carried him home to Carlisle. But can you guess why I stopped the bear from eating him?"

I shook my head.

"With the dark curls . . . the dimples that showed even while he was grimacing in pain . . . the strange innocence that seemed so out of place on a grown man's face . . . he reminded me of Vera's little Henry. I didn't want him to die-so much that, even though I hated this life, I was selfish enough to ask Carlisle to change him for me.

"I got luckier than I deserved. Emmett is everything I would have asked for if I'd known myself well enough to know what to ask for. He's exactly the kind of person someone like me needs. And, oddly enough, he needs me, too. That part worked out better than I could have hoped. But there will never be more than the two of us. And I'll never sit on a porch somewhere, with him gray-haired by my side, surrounded by our grandchildren."

Her smile was kind now. "That sounds quite bizarre to you, doesn't it? In some ways, you are much more mature than I was at eighteen. But in other ways . . . there are many things you've probably never thought about seriously. You're too young to know what you'll want in ten years, fifteen years-and too young to give it all up without thinking it through. You don't want to be rash about permanent things, Bella." She patted my head, but the gesture didn't feel condescending. 

I sighed.

"Just think about it a little. Once it's done, it can't be undone. Esme's made do with us as substitutes . . . and Alice doesn't remember anything human so she can't miss it . . . You will remember, though. It's a lot to give up."

But more to get in return, I didn't say aloud. "Thanks, Rosalie. It's nice to understand . . . to know you better."

"I apologize for being such a monster." She grinned. "I'll try to behave myself from now on."

I grinned back at her.

We weren't friends yet, but I was pretty sure she wouldn't always hate me so much.

"I'll let you sleep now." Rosalie's eyes flickered to the bed, and her lips twitched. "I know you're frustrated that he's keeping you locked up like this, but don't give him too bad a time when he gets back. He loves you more than you know. It terrifies him to be away from you." She got up silently and ghosted to the door. "Goodnight, Bella," she whispered as she shut it behind herself.

"Goodnight, Rosalie," I murmured a second too late.

It took me a long time to fall asleep after that.

When I did sleep, I had a nightmare. I was crawling across the dark, cold stones of an unfamiliar street, under lightly falling snow, leaving a trail of blood smeared behind me. A shadowy angel in a long white dress watched my progress with resentful eyes.