Eclipse (Twilight Saga #3)(139)

He didn't answer right away this time, and Edward laughed under his breath.

"Sorry," I said, pausing to yawn. "I didn't mean to pry. You don't have to tell me."

Jacob made an annoyed sound. "Oh, he'll tell you anyway, so I might as well . . . I was growing my hair out because . . . it seemed like you liked it better long."

"Oh." I felt awkward. "I, er, like it both ways, Jake. You don't need to be . . . inconvenienced."

He shrugged. "Turns out it was very convenient tonight, so don't worry about it."

I didn't have anything else to say. As the silence lengthened, my eyelids drooped and shut, and my breathing grew slower, more even.

"That's right, honey, go to sleep," Jacob whispered.

I sighed, content, already half-unconscious.

"Seth is here," Edward muttered to Jacob, and I suddenly understood the point of the howling.

"Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you."

Edward didn't answer, but I groaned groggily. "Stop it," I muttered.




 

 

It was quiet then, inside at least. Outside, the wind shrieked insanely through the trees. The shimmying of the tent made it hard to sleep. The poles would suddenly jerk and quiver, pulling me back from the edge of unconsciousness each time I was close to slipping under. I felt so bad for the wolf, the boy that was stuck outside in the snow.

My mind wandered as I waited for sleep to find me. This warm little space made me think of the early days with Jacob, and I remembered how it used to be when he was my replacement sun, the warmth that made my empty life livable. It had been a while since I'd thought of Jake that way, but here he was, warming me again.

"Please!" Edward hissed. "Do you mind!"

"What?" Jacob whispered back, his tone surprised.

"Do you think you could attempt to control your thoughts?" Edward's low whisper was furious.

"No one said you had to listen," Jacob muttered, defiant, yet still embarrassed. "Get out of my head."

"I wish I could. You have no idea how loud your little fantasies are. It's like you're shouting them at me."

"I'll try to keep it down," Jacob whispered sarcastically.

There was a brief moment of silence.

"Yes," Edward answered an unspoken thought in a murmur so low I barely made it out. "I'm jealous of that, too."

"I figured it was like that," Jacob whispered smugly. "Sort of evens the playing field up a little, doesn't it?"

Edward chuckled. "In your dreams."

"You know, she could still change her mind," Jacob taunted him. "Considering all the things I could do with her that you can't. At least, not without killing her, that is."

"Go to sleep, Jacob," Edward murmured. "You're starting to get on my nerves."

"I think I will. I'm really very comfortable."

Edward didn't answer.

I was too far gone to ask them to stop talking about me like I wasn't there. The conversation had taken on a dreamlike quality to me, and I wasn't sure I was really awake.

"Maybe I would," Edward said after a moment, answering a question I hadn't heard.

"But would you be honest?"

"You can always ask and see." Edward's tone made me wonder if I was missing out on a joke.

"Well, you see inside my head-let me see inside yours tonight, it's only fair," Jacob said.

"Your head is full of questions. Which one do you want me to answer?"

"The jealousy . . . it has to be eating at you. You can't be as sure of yourself as you seem. Unless you have no emotions at all." 

"Of course it is," Edward agreed, no longer amused. "Right now it's so bad that I can barely control my voice. Of course, it's even worse when she's away from me, with you, and I can't see her."

"Do you think about it all the time?" Jacob whispered. "Does it make it hard to concentrate when she's not with you?"

"Yes and no," Edward said; he seemed determined to answer honestly. "My mind doesn't work quite the same as yours. I can think of many more things at one time. Of course, that means that I'm always able to think of you, always able to wonder if that's where her mind is, when she's quiet and thoughtful."

They were both still for a minute.

"Yes, I would guess that she thinks about you often," Edward murmured in response to Jacob's thoughts. "More often than I like. She worries that you're unhappy. Not that you don't know that. Not that you don't use that."

"I have to use whatever I can," Jacob muttered. "I'm not working with your advantages-advantages like her knowing she's in love with you."