"I've been busy," I told him. "And . . . I probably wouldn't have visited, anyway."
He grimaced. "I thought you were supposed to be the forgiving one, and I was the grudge-holder."
I shrugged.
"Been thinking about that last time a lot, have you?"
"Nope."
He laughed. "Either you're lying, or you are the stubbornest person alive."
"I don't know about the second part, but I'm not lying."
I didn't like having this conversation under the present conditions-with his too-warm arms wrapped tightly around me and nothing at all I could do about it. His face was closer than I wanted it to be. I wished I could take a step back.
"A smart person looks at all sides of a decision."
"I have," I retorted.
"If you haven't thought at all about our . . . er, conversation the last time you came over, then that's not true."
"That conversation isn't relevant to my decision."
"Some people will go to any lengths to delude themselves."
"I've noticed that werewolves in particular are prone to that mistake-do you think it's a genetic thing?"
"Does that mean that he's a better kisser that I am?" Jacob asked, suddenly glum.
"I really couldn't say, Jake. Edward is the only person I've ever kissed."
"Besides me."
"But I don't count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault."
"Ouch! That's cold."
I shrugged. I wasn't going to take it back.
"I did apologize about that," he reminded me.
"And I forgave you . . . mostly. It doesn't change the way I remember it."
He muttered something unintelligible.
It was quiet then for a while; there was just the sound of his measured breathing and the wind roaring high above us in the treetops. A cliff face rose sheer beside us, bare, rough gray stone. We followed the base as it curved upward out of the forest.
"I still think it's pretty irresponsible," Jacob suddenly said.
"Whatever you're talking about, you're wrong."
"Think about it, Bella. According to you, you've kissed just one person-who isn't even really a person-in your whole life, and you're calling it quits? How do you know that's what you want? Shouldn't you play the field a little?"
I kept my voice cool. "I know exactly what I want."
"Then it couldn't hurt to double check. Maybe you should try kissing someone else-just for comparison's sake . . . since what happened the other day doesn't count. You could kiss me, for example. I don't mind if you want to use me to experiment."
He pulled me tighter against his chest, so that my face was closer to his. He was smiling at his joke, but I wasn't taking any chances.
"Don't mess with me, Jake. I swear I won't stop him if he wants to break your jaw."
The panicky edge to my voice made him smile wider. "If you ask me to kiss you, he won't have any reason to get upset. He said that was fine."
"Don't hold your breath, Jake-no, wait, I changed my mind. Go right ahead. Just hold your breath until I ask you to kiss me."
"You're in a bad mood today."
"I wonder why?"
"Sometimes I think you like me better as a wolf."
"Sometimes I do. It probably has something to do with the way you can't talk."
He pursed his broad lips thoughtfully. "No, I don't think that's it. I think it's easier for you to be near me when I'm not human, because you don't have to pretend that you're not attracted to me."
My mouth fell open with a little popping sound. I snapped it shut at once, grinding my teeth together.
He heard that. His lips pulled tightly across his face in a triumphant smile.
I took a slow breath before I spoke. "No. I'm pretty sure it's because you can't talk."
He sighed. "Do you ever get tired of lying to yourself? You have to know how aware you are of me. Physically, I mean."
"How could anyone not be aware of you physically, Jacob?" I demanded. "You're an enormous monster who refuses to respect anyone else's personal space."
"I make you nervous. But only when I'm human. When I'm a wolf, you're more comfortable around me."
"Nervousness and irritation are not the same thing."
He stared at me for a minute, slowing to a walk, the amusement draining from his face. His eyes narrowed, turned black in the shadow of his brows. His breathing, so regular as he ran, started to accelerate. Slowly, he leaned his face closer to mine.
I stared him down, knowing exactly what he was trying to do.
"It's your face," I reminded him.
He laughed loudly and started jogging again. "I don't really want to fight with your vampire tonight-I mean, any other night, sure. But we both have a job to do tomorrow, and I wouldn't want to leave the Cullens one short."