Jacob laughed; his body shook under me.
"Aren't you worried about Saturday at all?" I asked.
He turned his enormous head toward me, so that I could see one of his eyes roll.
"I wish I could feel that positive."
He leaned his head against my leg and started humming again. And it did make me feel just a little bit better.
"So we've got some hiking to do tomorrow, I guess."
He rumbled; the sound was enthusiastic.
"It might be a long hike," I warned him. "Edward doesn't judge distances the way a normal person does."
Jacob barked another laugh.
I settled deeper into his warm fur, resting my head against his neck.
It was strange. Even though he was in this bizarre form, this felt more like the way Jake and I used to be-the easy, effortless friendship that was as natural as breathing in and out-than the last few times I'd been with Jacob while he was human. Odd that I should find that again here, when I'd thought this wolf thing was the cause of its loss.
The killing games continued in the clearing, and I stared at the hazy moon.
20. COMPROMISE
EVERYTHING WAS READY.
I was packed for my two-day visit with "Alice," and my bag waited for me on the passenger seat of my truck. I'd given the concert tickets to Angela, Ben, and Mike. Mike was going to take Jessica, which was exactly as I'd hoped. Billy had borrowed Old Quil Ateara's boat and invited Charlie down for some open sea fishing before the afternoon game started. Collin and Brady, the two youngest werewolves, were staying behind to protect La Push-though they were just children, both of them only thirteen. Still, Charlie would be safer than anyone left in Forks.
I had done all that I could do. I tried to accept that, and put the things that were outside of my control out of my head, for tonight at least. One way or another, this would all be over in forty-eight hours. The thought was almost comforting.
Edward had requested that I relax, and I was going to do my best.
"For this one night, could we try to forget everything besides just you and me?" he'd pleaded, unleashing the full force of his eyes on me. "It seems like I can never get enough time like that. I need to be with you. Just you."
That was not a hard request to agree to, though I knew that forgetting my fears would be much easier said than done. Other matters were on my mind now, knowing that we had this night to be alone, and that would help.
There were somethings that had changed.
For instance, I was ready.
I was ready to join his family and his world. The fear and guilt and anguish I was feeling now had taught me that much. I'd had a chance to concentrate on this-as I'd gazed at the moon through the clouds and rested against a werewolf-and I knew I would not panic again. The next time something came at us, I would be ready. An asset, not a liability. He would never have to make the choice between me and his family again. We would be partners, like Alice and Jasper. Next time, I would do my part.
I would wait for the sword to be removed from over my head, so that Edward would be satisfied. But it wasn't necessary. I was ready.
There was only one missing piece.
One piece, because there were somethings that had not changed, and that included the desperate way I loved him. I'd had plenty of time to think through the ramifications of Jasper and Emmett's bet-to figure out the things I was willing to lose with my humanity, and the part that I was not willing to give up. I knew which human experience I was going to insist on before I became inhuman.
So we had somethings to work out tonight. After everything I'd seen in the past two years, I didn't believe in the word impossible anymore. It was going to take more than that to stop me now.
Okay, well, honestly, it was probably going to be much more complicated than that. But I was going to try.
As decided as I was, I wasn't surprised that I still felt nervous as I drove down the long path to his house-I didn't know how to do what I was trying to do, and that guaranteed me some serious jitters. He sat in the passenger seat, fighting a smile at my slow pace. I was surprised that he hadn't insisted on taking the wheel, but tonight he seemed content to go at my speed.
It was after dark when we reached the house. In spite of that, the meadow was bright in the light shining from every window.
As soon as I cut the engine he was at my door, opening it for me. He lifted me from the cab with one arm, slinging my bag out of the truck bed and over his shoulder with the other. His lips found mine as I heard him kick the truck's door shut behind me.
Without breaking the kiss, he swung me up so that I was cradled in his arms and carried me into the house.
Was the front door already open? I didn't know. We were inside, though, and I was dizzy. I had to remind myself to breathe.