He downed the rest of the beer, trying to wash away the pain of living with the belief she was dead. “I thought I was too late. I wanted to believe you’d done what you said that night—you disappeared. You had every reason to after what that bastard did to you day in and day out. But the rumors and circumstantial evidence supported the reason for your father and brother’s silence. I tried to hold out hope that you were alive, I Googled you, checked the police databases, and found nothing. I believed he killed you, Jessie.”
“I’m sorry you thought I died. I tried to find you.”
She didn’t offer anything more, so he kept talking. “After the military, I worked as a police officer in Atlanta. The domestic abuse cases were the hardest. They reminded me of how I’d let you down.”
He wanted to tell her about his son, Will, but decided now wasn’t the time. A long, complicated story, they needed to put this subject to rest before they could move forward.
“I became a cop because I didn’t want anyone else to suffer like you’d suffered without anyone helping them, without me helping them. I couldn’t help you, but I thought I could help someone else.”
“I never asked for your help, Dylan. It’s been my experience people are more likely to turn a blind eye. They don’t want to make someone else’s problems theirs. I never expected you to do anything for me. Face it, when we were young, I had a wild crush on you.”
“And now?” He hoped she knew just how important her answer was to him.
“Now? For you and me, there is no now. There’s only a past I thought happened one way, but turned out to be a lie. I truly believed you didn’t care. Turns out you didn’t even know I tried to contact you. That hurts me more deeply than I can ever say.”
Jessie took a swallow of beer and stared out across the cemetery, remembering the time she buried their daughter alone. Pop and Greg had been there, but not Dylan. She wanted to believe if his mother hadn’t lied, he’d have stood beside her and grieved as deeply as she’d grieved.
“I’ve been angry with you for so long, I’m having a hard time getting used to not hating you.”
“I’m glad you don’t. I want you in my life again. I’ve missed you so damn much. There were days when all I thought about was you and nights you haunted me into my dreams.”
Every word held a wealth of hurt. He’d thought she was dead. No doubt, he cared. Jessie would have to account for what happened to Hope. Not today. She couldn’t do it. She couldn’t bring herself to willingly hurt him. Maybe not knowing was better.
“It seems there hasn’t been a day I haven’t thought of you too.” She rolled to her feet and stepped away, needing the distance. He stood and came after her. She held up her hands and stepped back when he reached out to touch her. She couldn’t let him do that when he didn’t know the whole truth. “I have to go.” She grabbed her stuff and walked away.
“Jess, wait. Come back. Don’t leave like this. You can tell me anything.”
She turned back and faced him. The guilt and anguish threatened to swallow her whole and send her into a spiral down deep into the despair that had stolen months of her life after Hope died. “Maybe there’s a reason you didn’t get that last email. Some things are better left hidden in the shadows of the past. Please, Dylan, leave it alone. We’re done. Go back to your life. I’m going back to mine.”
Chapter Eleven
* * *
JAMES CAME INTO the trailer that served as the office for the construction site. Jessie sat behind her desk poring over papers and ignoring the ringing phone. Half past six in the morning, she’d been up for hours already. She couldn’t sleep with her mind replaying the scene at the cemetery and Dylan calling after her, begging her to stay and talk to him.
“Get in early today, boss?”
Surprised to see James standing in front of her desk and not out getting the guys started on the jobsite, she refocused on the task in front of her. She scanned the contracts for her supply orders and verified due dates and delivery times. She changed the dates on some of the orders because a few of the foundations hadn’t been poured, delayed by several days of rain.
“I got here before five. I have a lot of calls to make today and wanted to have everything set up for the cement guys. I knew they’d show up early.”
“They always do,” they said in unison and laughed together.
“What’s up, James? Why aren’t you out checking crews?”
“I came in to tell you Brian showed up on time and sober. I’ve got him over on ten framing. I put him with Bucky and Andrew. They should keep him busy and kick him into shape by the end of the day.”