I want to kick the wall again and again, until I break through it, through this dead-end.
“Tess… I shouldn’t love you, you know?” I scrub a hand over my face, wondering if I even make sense at this point. “So many things I shouldn’t do.”
“What do you mean?” she whispers.
Fuck. I’m wracking my brain for a reply, when Ash and Audrey step between us.
“Ready to roll, girl?” he asks, and a glint in his eye tells me I should stand down now or find myself flat on my back.
“I’m ready,” Tessa says.
“Then let’s go,” Audrey says, lacing her arm through Tessa’s and drawing her away from me.
Tessa can’t trust me anymore. I can see why. But I have to change her mind, although I sure as hell don’t know how.
She glances back over her shoulder as they reach the door. “I’ll pick up Miles,” she says. “I’m not letting him down.”
Like I let her down.
I kick the wall once again, for good measure, glare at the police officer, who looks about to say something, and stalk out of the room.
Dammit. That was a royal screw up, Dylan. Great job. Took years in the making.
Now pick up the fucking pieces, if you can.
***
A leaden blanket is draped on my shoulders, pressing down, and the fog is back, making thoughts sluggish. My joints hurt like an old guy’s, and I pop another Advil. I wonder, as I move around the gym, checking that everyone is doing their exercises correctly and nobody is injured, why the hell I feel so shitty.
But I don’t have time to spend feeling sorry for myself. After work, I promised Coach West I’d talk to him again, and then I need to go home and make dinner, make sure my brothers bathe and get their ice cream and watch their cartoons… The work is never over.
Tessa…
I haven’t seen her in two days—ever since that night at the police station. Ever since she walked away with Audrey and Ash, after telling me she couldn’t follow me.
I respect her for not just taking me back like that. For not taking whatever scraps I finally threw her way. She deserves so much better than that. So much better than me.
Things could go south once again. Teo gets sick quite often. Miles might get bullied again, or Dad needs attention whenever he returns home. I might run out of money or lose my job. I’m not who she needs.
Get off your high horse, I can almost hear Asher’s voice in my head. You don’t know what she needs. What she’ll do.
Mom walked away. Doesn’t mean Tessa will. Take a risk. For Tessa. For yourself. Trust her, and make her trust you. Give it a try.
I haven’t let myself hope in so long I’ve almost forgotten how it feels to close your eyes and jump in with both feet.
Tessa is worth it. So what if the timing sucks? What if I feel like something the cat dragged in, and I don’t even have time to shave on most days? I’ll make time. I’ll find the energy.
For her. For me. If she still wants me. And shit, that’s not a given.
After six grueling hours, I still haven’t found a solution as to how to earn back Tessa’s trust, and I’m getting ready to leave—when I get ambushed by a redhead in a skimpy skirt.
“Dylan? Remember me? I’m Faith. I wanted you to be my personal trainer.”
“And I told you I don’t work mornings.”
The hue of her hair has to come from a bottle, as it’s red like blood, and it matches her lipstick. The color reminds me of the bruises on Tessa’s arms, and I scowl.
Not that my scowl would deter her. She’s been after me for weeks now. She’s obviously immune.
She bats her lashes, which are long and black and weird-looking. Dyed with something, too. “Come on, Dylan, please…”
Jesus. I can’t swear at her, as she’s a customer at the gym. How fucked up is that? “I said I can’t.”
She pouts, and my fists itch to do damage, so I grab my stuff and turn to go. Two more girls are now trailing after me, and I glare at them, hopefully looking forbidding enough for them to stay where they are and not attempt to engage me into any sort of conversation.
I never minded the flirting so much before. As I settle the straps of my backpack more securely over my shoulders and set out toward the campus and the sports department, I wonder about that.
Then again, before I wasn’t seeing Tessa’s face on every girl, didn’t hear her voice in their chatter. I also didn’t have this headache from hell pounding at the back of my eyes, like Thor’s hammer. It’s a miracle my eyeballs haven’t popped out of my head yet.
Normally I’d jog to the sports center. I’m a trained athlete. Up until a couple of months ago, I’d wake up early and go running, then train a couple more hours on campus. Now the only exercise I do is some machines at the gym when it’s quiet and running like crazy when my brothers are sick or in trouble.