Dylan(10)

A list. ‘Talk to Jerry. Pay Nico. Buy white chocolate.’ And so on.

A to-do list? Or a bucket list. Looks like it, and it’s in my dad’s handwriting. Some activities are crossed out.

Blinding fury fills me. Who the fuck are Jerry and Nico? Who cares about them, or about white chocolate? Why can’t Dad spend his time caring about his own fucking kids instead? Damn him.

I knock his stupid list off the table and stride out of the house before I put my fist through the wall.

***

“Hey, bud, where the hell have you been?” Zane’s voice sounds tinny over the phone. “You haven’t showed up at the gym in fucking ages. Or even last night, at the party. What’s going on?”

Party? I try to remember what party that was. I absently stroke soft dark hair off Teo’s forehead. His fever has gone down, and the relief is huge. Now I need to talk to Miles, only I think he’s gone to bed already… At least he’s had dinner.

“Dylan. Are you listening to me, fucker?”

“Yeah. What?”

“How’s your brother?”

“Not so good, man.” I frown. He’s been sick on and off for a while now. Doc said kids get all sorts of viruses and germs from school. I didn’t remember that. I’ve always been strong and healthy. Teo’s frail frame scares me. Doc also said it could be psychological. What’s that got to do with having a fever?

What the hell am I supposed to do?

“Are you coming on Saturday?”

“Saturday?” Doesn’t ring any bells.

“The concert, fucker. Dakota is singing. Rafe’s playing. Remember now?”

“No can do, man. Sorry.”

“Why not? Talk to me, fucker. Let me help if I can.”

I snort. “What do you know about kids?”

“Is this a trick question? I practically raised my sister’s kids.” He pauses, a thoughtful silence in which I remember his sister died recently. Hell, he almost died recently.

Fuck.

“It’s okay,” I say. “Unless you’d rather spend Saturday night here, babysitting, instead of attending your girlfriend’s concert, forget it.”

“What about your dad? Can’t he babysit?”

I wince. “Dad isn’t reliable.” That’s putting it mildly. I saw him briefly this morning. Tried to get some answers out of him, find out why he left Teo alone, but it was useless.

He seemed distracted. Kept mumbling about his list. Christ. Then he was gone again, to some church meeting or other. He’s changed so many churches in the past years, I lost track. It’s his way of coping, I guess. With Mom leaving him. With depression.

“How’s college?”

“No idea. You know I dropped out. Too much work to keep up.”

“Yeah, I heard. Still working at that café on campus?”

“Nah, not anymore. Pay was too low. I work at Bodyworks, downtown. Fitness instructor. Plus any other small job I can get.”

“That why you stopped coming to train with us? Getting all the work-out you need at the gym?”

He’s teasing me, but I shake my head. I miss the sparring sessions with the guys and the bantering during and afterward. I miss practice, and my football team. Studying. Learning new things and hoping for a better future.

Shit.

“You still there?” Zane asks.

“Yeah.” As if there’s anywhere else I can go.

“Maybe I can swing by, bring a couple of beers.”

“No.” The word comes out harsh, and I wince again. “Not now, man. The kids are trying to sleep. To be honest, I’ll turn in myself, soon.”

“Jeez, man, you’re joking, right? It’s eight thirty in the fucking evening!”

“Yeah?” Anger rises inside me. “And your point is?”

In the silence that ensues, Zane says very quietly, “Sorry, fucker. Wasn’t thinking.”

Yeah. Dammit.

“Not your fault,” I grind out. Not his fault I’m ready to drop dead at eight fucking thirty in the evening. Not his fault I don’t have time for parties, and practice, and college. Nobody’s fault.

I think of Mom, and the anger twists inside me, knots my gut. Is it her fault? For making Dad love her so much and then leaving him? Leaving us?

It’s love’s fault. Dad’s fault for fucking loving her.

“You still doing security guard gigs?” Zane asks.

I perk up. “Why? Did you hear anything?”

“Saturday. I know you said you can’t find a babysitter, but if you can… There’s a gala. Autumn Glitter, or some other shit. I heard they’re looking for security guards.”

“You heard?”

“Tessa told me about it.”