I looked at the clock. I knew it was the middle of Landon’s lunch hour rush, but I needed to hear his voice, needed for him to hear what was in my heart in that moment before I lost the courage to say it.
After a few rings, he picked up. He knew I never called him while he was working and sounded alarmed to be hearing from me at that time of day. “Rana, is everything okay?”
I could hear something frying on his stove and a crowd of people talking.
“I know you’re busy,” I said.
“Hang on.” He spoke to his customers, “I’m really sorry. I just need a minute, please. I have to take this.” When he returned, he said, “Never too busy for you.”
“I just had to call you to tell you that…it doesn’t matter to me. I want to be with you. I know you made a very big mistake. Believe me, I understand what it’s like to make mistakes. But a wise boy once told me that ‘maybe it’s not really a mistake if you learn from it.’ That was you, Landon. So, yes, I’ve made mistakes, too. And I’ve learned from them. But I know trusting you isn’t one of them. And I promise, you will never see shame in my eyes when I look at you. You’re still the boy I looked up to. You’re just a man now, who’s lived, made mistakes, and learned from them. I needed to call and tell you that.”
He let out a long, shaky breath into the phone. Seeming overcome with emotion, he didn’t say a word.
It sounded like he sniffled. Was he crying?
Then, I heard him say to one of his customers, “It’s the onions.”
“Are you cooking with onions?
“No.” He laughed.
I closed my eyes tightly and smiled.
“You’d better get back to your customers.”
“Why couldn’t you still be here, Rana? You’re too damn far away, and I really need to kiss you right now for that.”
“I hope we can see each other soon.”
“You have to dance tonight, right?”
“No, the restaurant is closed for a private party, actually. I’m home tonight.”
“Good. I’ll call you around eight your time after I close down the truck. I’m gonna try to pay you back properly for those beautiful words you just said to me. Try to be home at that time.”
“I’ll be here.”
I was a useless ball of shit the rest of that day, waiting for Landon to call.
My mind kept racing, alternating between relief and panic.
On one hand, I had finally decided to put his history in perspective and where it belonged—in the past—and that made me feel like we could move on with a relationship.
On the other hand, I hadn’t aired my own dirty laundry and honestly didn’t know how doing so might affect things between us.
But telling Landon what happened with me would mean having to deal with something that I wasn’t truly ready to face, something that may change the way he saw me.
By the time he called, he’d unfortunately caught me in panic mode.
Landon barely had a chance to say hello when I hit him with my insecurities.
“I feel like a hypocrite, because even though you’ve opened up to me, I haven’t been able to do the same. But I am not as ready to deal with my own…stuff.”
“What if I assure you that there’s nothing you could ever tell me that would make me not want to be with you?”
“How could you truly say that?”
“Because it’s the truth.”
I’m not so sure about that, Landon.
“Did you murder someone?” he asked.
“No.”
“Is it something that would put you or me in physical harm?”
“No.”
“Are you gonna talk about it tonight with me?”
“No.”
“Then I’m gonna take my chances, okay? I think we’ve had enough stress recently. You sound really wound up in particular. Why don’t you just lie back and let me help you relax. I think we both need that.”
“How exactly are you gonna do that if you’re not here?”
“Are you challenging me? If that’s the case, I’d like to make you come, so you can sleep well tonight.”
“Um…wow, okay.”
“When was the last time you had a really good orgasm?”
Just hearing those words come out of his mouth made my legs weak.
Swallowing, I admitted, “I gave myself one in your bed the night you sucked on my breasts.”
“Shit, really?”
“Yes. You turned me on then left me to take care of it.” I laughed.
His tone grew seductive. “That was rude of me.”
“It was.”
“What kind of asshole does that?”
“You had your reasons.”
“I think I jerked off like three times in the shower that night. I’m glad I didn’t know you were doing that in my bed. I definitely wouldn’t have been able to stay away.”