I couldn’t guarantee how I was going to feel once I returned to Michigan. I just knew what I wanted right now, and that was for him to keep holding me. I wanted to ingrain this moment into memory.
Landon ended up being the first to break our embrace.
He was about to light up another cigarette when I said, “I really wish you’d stop.”
He put the lighter down. The cigarette moved between his lips as he asked, “You really want me to stop smoking?”
“Yes. It’s so bad for you. I really think you should stop.”
He paused and took the cigarette from his mouth. He suddenly crushed it between his fingers before letting it fall to the ground. Then, he took the pack out of his pocket and tossed it over the balcony. “Done.”
“That’s it?”
“Yes. That’s it.”
“Can you do that…just stop cold turkey?”
“I’ve slept on the couch and kept my dick in my pants the entire time you’ve been here. And I just admitted my most painful secret to the person who matters most to me in this world. Pretty sure I can handle just about anything now.” He cracked a slight smile. “You asked me to do something for you. And it’s something I’ve wanted to do for myself anyway. But now that I know it really bothers you, that’s an even bigger incentive. There’s probably nothing I wouldn’t do for you at this point.”
I knew he meant that.
“Wow. Okay. Thanks.”
“Thank you.”
The mood continued to remain somber. Landon led me to the kitchen where he prepared us a breakfast of bagels and coffee that we took down to the beach. In that sense, my last morning here was a lot like my first, aside from the dark cloud hanging over us this time.
The ride to LAX was quiet. Perhaps, we were mourning a certain innocence to our relationship that we would never get back.
Once at our destination, the sounds of the airport were all jumbled. Anxiety was starting to take its hold on me. Not only did I hate flying, but leaving Landon right now was definitely up there as one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
He walked me as far as he could before he was no longer allowed access.
I gently scratched at the scruff on his chin. “This trip was amazing.”
He took both of my hands in his and firmly gripped them. “Amazing isn’t strong enough of a word to describe the past week for me. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again. No matter what happens, I will always be forever grateful that you hopped on that plane to see me. In the meantime, I’ll pray that I get to see you again soon.”
“Have I mentioned flying makes me nervous? This is only my second time ever.”
“Then that makes it even more special that you came.” He let go of my hands and nudged on my bag. “You got your Rubik’s Cube?”
Despite feeling like my world was ending, I forced a smile. “Yes.”
A muffled boarding call reminded me that time was running out. “I have to go.”
“Okay.” Placing his hands on my cheeks, he planted a hard kiss on me as if he would never have the chance to do it again. “Take care of yourself, baby,” he said over my lips.
“You, too.”
He slid his hands from my cheeks down my arms and hugged me again before slowly letting go.
I was about to leave when he stopped me. “Wait.”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me something funny, Rana. I really fucking need it right now.”
This felt like a lot of pressure given my miserable state. Then I remembered something that happened to me that morning.
“I’ve been so preoccupied since last night, I brushed my teeth with your shaving cream this morning. I’ve never seen it in a tube like that before. So, if I tasted like I went down on the Old Spice guy, that’s why.”
He bent his head back in laughter then kissed me on the forehead. “Never fails. Thank you.”
“I guess I should be happy it wasn’t Preparation H.”
Landon’s smile faded before he kissed me one last time.
As I walked away, listening to the loud echo of my heels, I turned around to find that he hadn’t moved. He was still standing in the same spot with his hands in his pockets. Don’t ask me how, but I just knew he wasn’t going to leave until I was completely out of sight. That was the type of person he was. I wondered what he was thinking in that moment, whether he doubted if he’d ever see me again.
With each step I took away from Landon, I felt emptier and out of sorts—truly like I was leaving a piece of myself behind.
Landon had stuck a wad of cash without my knowing into my coat pocket—five hundred-dollar bills. I’d only realized it as I was exiting the plane after we landed in Detroit.