This was getting real.
A part of me wanted to run for the hills. The other part of me wanted to jump through the phone and kiss him.
A mixture of fear and excitement ran through me. “So, what does this mean?”
“It means that I have a little hope that maybe you’ll let me see you someday. But in the meantime, it means that I’ll stare at this photo and go a little crazier every day that I don’t get to see the rest.”
Smiling like a fool, I said, “You’d really better go back to the movie.”
My smile faded as I realized letting him go back to his date was the last thing I really wanted to do. My stomach was churning. My jealousy seemed really unfair given my self-imposed limitations. But I just couldn’t help it.
It was quiet for a while before he asked, “What’s wrong, Rana?”
It amazed me that even in our silence, he could sense my worry.
“Are you gonna sleep with her?”
“Honestly? If this thing between us wasn’t happening right now, that likely would’ve been the case. I think she’s probably expecting it. But I can’t see anything happening with her now—not anymore.” He paused. “Does that please you?”
Swallowing my pride, I answered without hesitation, “Yes.”
“You don’t want me to sleep with her?”
“No,” I whispered.
“Then, I won’t.”
Relief washed over me.
“When is your next night off?” he asked.
“Next Monday.”
“You won’t let me see you? Fine. I still want to be with you on your night off. Go on a virtual date with me.”
“A virtual date?”
“Yes. It will all take place over the phone.”
“You’re crazy.”
“Yes, and you sending me this picture with your ass hanging half out was what pushed me over the edge. I’m just a guy who can’t stop thinking about a girl, and I want to take her out. Since you’re so far away, this is the only way I can do it. So…will you go on a virtual date with me?”
How could I say no?
“I’m going to say yes, but only because I am really curious as to what that even means.”
“I haven’t figured it out yet, but it’s going to be fucking awesome.”
VIRTUAL DATE
Was it wrong that my only confidante was a ten-year-old girl? At least, she was mature for her age—that’s what I’d tell myself.
Lilith and I were heading to the park near her house. I was walking while she rode her scooter alongside me.
“Guess what, Lilith?”
“What?”
I twirled around. “I have a date tonight.”
Oh, my. Did I just twirl?
“With Landon? He’s coming here?”
“No, he’s still in California, but he’s taking me on a virtual date. I’ll be here, and he’ll be there.”
Lilith scrunched her nose. “I don’t get it.”
“Neither, do I. But I’m dying to find out how it’s going to work.”
“What are you gonna wear?”
“You know, I haven’t thought about it. But maybe I should dress up, huh? Really get into it?”
She stopped suddenly. “I thought you said you don’t go on dates.”
“I don’t, but this is different because I won’t actually be with him.”
She resumed moving. “What’s the point?”
“I guess the point is that I can experience all of the good parts of a date without having to worry about the scary stuff. It’s perfect for me, really.”
Lilith looked back at me briefly as she scooted along ahead of me. “You’re weird, Rana.”
I jogged faster to keep up with her. “Is that supposed to be news, Lilith? Anyway, enough about me. What’s going on with you? Everything cool?”
“I have to write a paper on someone I admire. I couldn’t think of anyone, so I’m just going to write it about you,” she said nonchalantly.
I was momentarily touched until it hit me that was probably a very bad idea. “Are you sure? There are really many more viable options—like your mom. She’s a lawyer. You should write about her. Or what about like Maya Angelou? What are you gonna say about me?”
She began to scoot away with more momentum and yelled, “You’ll find out.”
Oh, boy.
When I arrived home from my time with Lilith, a large box delivered by UPS was sitting outside of my door. Knowing it was from Landon, butterflies started to swarm in my stomach.
A few days earlier, he had asked for my address to send me something. I was really hesitant to give it to him, but he assured me he would never trick me or use it to come visit me without my knowledge. His argument was convincing.