Drizzled with Death(15)

All hell broke loose. The inside of the Stack Shack erupted into a flurry of activity. It was as though a film crew had descended on Sugar Grove and asked adults to reenact a food fight from high school days. Waffles and sausages and a criminal waste of syrup littered the floor. Hash browns and home fries provided enough slipping hazards to support the need for a physical therapy clinic in town. Coffee flowed like spring snowmelt across the black-and-white-checkerboard tile. In among it all, the kangaroo and her baby dashed and darted and squeezed shrill shrieks from the most stalwart of New Hampshire countrymen. Men who from early childhood had accompanied their elders on journeys deep into the woods for hunting trips, camping trips, and firewood-cutting missions were laid low by this exotic creature running amok in their beloved breakfast establishment.

Emboldened braggarts hugged the walls whenever the kangaroo made a foray in their direction. Armed only with musical instruments and butter knives, they quivered like Chihuahuas in a New Hampshire winter. There would be much to talk about in the post office Monday morning. All tales of past glory were negated as men with bear heads mounted over their fireplaces leapt onto the countertop where they habitually enjoyed morning coffee to remove themselves from the dangerous clutches of a mother kangaroo and her tiny offspring. In a singular act of courage, Mindy Collins, the church organist and an experienced den mother, opened the main door to the Stack Shack. The kangaroo took the hint and bounced out through the opening. Graham followed in hot pursuit. My only sorrow was not having seen him do the same the night before when I informed him about the mountain lion.

I caught Piper’s eye over the disheveled heads of the other Griddle and Fiddle participants. We had known each other since she taught me how to squirt milk through my nose the first day of third grade. We both got sent out from snack time into the hall in order to think about our behavior. We had enjoyed getting into trouble together ever since, but I don’t think either of us had ever imagined trouble quite like this. I know I never had. If our third grade teacher could have gotten ahold of that kangaroo, something a whole lot more drastic than time-out in the hall would have been on her mind. I don’t think that mammal would have gone out to recess for the whole school year.

Everywhere I looked, there were sticky spots and broken china. Flatware and ruined meals carpeted the floor. This did not even begin to address the condition of people’s clothing or their stricken expressions. Anyone who had had the misfortune of holding a cup at the moment the kangaroo appeared was invariably wearing its contents of that cup. Grease and syrup and even ketchup spattered shirtfronts and sweaters. People who may not have ever been the snappiest of dressers but who never would appear in public with things sticking to their faces looked like kids in need of a hot bath.

Piper looked crazed. The Stack Shack was her life. Ever since we were kids, she had known she wanted to own the place. She had saved her birthday money, allowance, and even lunch money she chose not to waste on eating from the age of nine on. Many of her first customers at the Stack had been early supporters of her lemonade stand, the proceeds of which had also rolled into the Stack savings fund. By the time she graduated from high school, she was positioned to make an offer to the elderly owners. I’m sure they never would have envisioned this sort of crisis in their beloved restaurant either. Piper kept swiveling her head from side to side, shaking it in disbelief.

Tansey, always one to take charge, hoisted herself onto the top of the breakfast counter, the burnt orange laminate groaning under the strain. She dinged a spoon against a water glass and attracted even more attention than her attempt at athleticism had.

“All right, people, pull yourselves together. Does anyone have any idea where that animal came from or what it was doing here in the Stack?” People on all sides of me looked to others for an answer. As far as I could tell, I was the only one with anything close to an explanation.

I wasn’t sure it was my place to pass along a message on behalf of the Fish and Game Department, but from the way that kangaroo had taken off, it didn’t look like Graham would be available to do it anytime soon. And I was sure information about a loose kangaroo would whip through the town faster than a bout of the flu. I didn’t want people going around saying out-of-control exotic animals were taking over the town. Someone would be sure to take matters into their own hands, and Knowlton would be posing an entirely new taxidermy exhibit.

“I do,” I said, stepping toward the counter and scrambling up alongside Tansey, who wisely slid down to take a seat on a stool. Who knew how much strain the old counter could take? I may not weigh much, but who wanted to chance a collapse on top of everything else that had happened that day?