Dream Wedding(152)

Cassie sank down into a chair and wondered how offended Ryan would be if she started laughing. He obviously believed her heart was breaking and that she was within a hairbreadth of losing it completely.

“I appreciate the concern,” she said as she stared at him. “You are a very kind man to worry about me. But as I said before, I’m fine.”

“Cassie, a month ago you were going to marry Joel. Now he’s living with someone else who he plans to marry at the end of this month. You can’t tell me that doesn’t matter.”

“You have a point,” she said. “I feel strange hearing about the changes in Joel’s life. As a friend, I’m a little worried that he’s moved so quickly. But deep down inside, I don’t feel anything. I’m not sorry I ended our relationship. I don’t wish he were marrying me instead.” She allowed herself a small smile. “I’m a little bitter about the engagement ring—it sounds beautiful. However, I would like to point out that if my biggest worry is that he spent twenty times more on her ring than mine, then I’m obviously not going to be destroyed by all that’s happened. I don’t have any regrets.”

He studied her face. “I wish I could believe you.”

“You can. I’m telling the truth.” She clasped her hands together. “You’re forgetting that I was questioning my relationship with Joel for a long time before I ended it. I didn’t make that decision lightly. I know you feel responsible because of what happened between us, but I wish you could let that go. I have.”

Okay, so that was a lie, but in the scheme of things, it wasn’t a very big one. She hadn’t let the kiss go. If anything, she thought about it more than ever, but only because her feelings for Ryan had changed.

The entire time Joel had been talking about Alice, she’d been thinking about Ryan. She’d realized she didn’t have a crush on her boss anymore. She’d fallen in love with him.

Everything Joel had said about what it was like to spend time with Alice had made her wish it was that way for her and Ryan, too. She’d wanted to experience those things with him, she’d wanted him to return her feelings. She wanted them both to fall madly in love, to be swept away by fire and passion, and live happily-ever-after.

She drew in a deep breath. Unfortunately, that wasn’t in the cards for her. Ryan liked her and respected her, but it wasn’t love. The truth didn’t have to be pleasant, but she did have to accept it. There was no point in planning on something she was never going to have. So, despite the ache in her heart, she would be sensible.

She would go out and find a place in which to belong. She would find someone she could love and who wanted to love her back. She would make sure that this time there was passion as well as friendship. And eventually, she would forget Ryan and all that he’d meant to her.

But not just yet. For the next few weeks she would stay here in Bradley, in Ryan’s house, and collect as many memories as possible.

“You’re not even listening,” he complained.

Cassie blinked. “You’re right. I’m sorry. What were you saying?”

He crossed to the chair and grabbed her hand. After pulling her to her feet, he cupped her face.

“I’m more sorry than I can tell you. You’ve been so great and all I’ve done is mess up your life. I didn’t mean to upset everything by kissing you. Now, by inviting Joel over, I’ve only made things worse. I thought that if the two of you spent some time together, everything would work out.”

She loved the feel of his palms against her skin, but instead of savoring the moment, she grabbed his wrists and pulled him away. “You have an incredible ability not to hear what I’m saying. It’s a gift, isn’t it?” She took a deep breath. “I’ll speak slowly so that you can understand. I don’t want Joel. I don’t miss him. I don’t want to be with him anymore.”

His green eyes darkened. “Really?”

Was she actually getting through to him? “Yes, really. I would rather be alone than be with someone I don’t love. I don’t love him.”

“Cassie, I—”

She held up her hand. “If you apologize one more time I’m going to ask you to beat up yourself.”

He grinned. “Okay, I won’t. I’m just concerned.”

“And I’m just fine. I mean that.”

“All right. I’ll let it go, but only after I tell you that Joel is a stupid man. He had a real prize in you.”

His words warmed her. Without thinking, she leaned forward and kissed his mouth. “Thank you. That’s so nice. You really—”