She raised her head and squeezed her eyes tightly closed. Except somewhere along the way, he’d become real to her. He wasn’t just the object of her affection. He was a normal person with moods and opinions. She’d talked with him and laughed with him. She’d watched him change from a distant stranger into a warm, caring man who was coming to love his niece. She’d seen that he cared about different things, that he was honorable and hardworking. She was still smitten with him, but she also liked and respected him.
Now he’d taught her about wanting. He’d held her close and kissed her until everything had changed. Her body had come alive for him. Even this morning when she should be feeling guilty and horrible and figuring out a way to set things right, memories of their kiss intruded. If she thought about it for too long, she found herself getting warm. Her breasts would begin to ache, and that secret place between her legs would tingle and dampen. She didn’t know exactly what was happening to her, but she knew she liked it.
However she wasn’t a fool. Here, in Bradley, with only his two-year-old niece for company, Ryan might think that she was great fun to be around. But she wouldn’t fit into his real world. She wasn’t the right kind of woman. He was older and more sophisticated, while she was just a preschool teacher. Maybe if she’d always wanted to be more they might have had a chance, but she didn’t. She loved living in Bradley. She’d only ever wanted to work with children. She didn’t care about wearing the right clothes or driving the right kind of car. Her idea of heaven would be a family—roots of her own.
Cassie opened her eyes and stared around at the lovely guest room. The large dresser seemed to waver in the morning light. Then she realized there were tears in her eyes. At one time she’d thought she would find everything she’d ever wanted with Joel. They’d been in love once and they’d made plans for a future. But something had happened along the way. She couldn’t point to an exact date or incident, but they were different people now. The kiss between Ryan and her had been wrong, but it had forced her to face something she suspected she’d been avoiding for a long time. She had to end things with Joel.
The thought should have terrified her, but it didn’t. She held her breath, waiting for the rush of disappointment or sadness, but there wasn’t much of anything. Maybe a little relief, which startled her. Should she have broken things off with Joel years ago? There was no way to get that answer, she realized, and no point in second-guessing herself. She would just have to go forward now and do the right thing.
She brushed her cheek with the back of her hand and smiled. Wouldn’t it be lovely if she told Ryan what she was going to do and he was so happy he swept her up in his arms and told her he’d loved her from the first moment he’d met her? It was about as likely as winning the lottery, and she rarely bought a ticket. Unfortunately, Ryan wouldn’t think anything about her breaking up with Joel. Or if he did, he would most likely be worried that she would expect something from him.
Cassie’s smile faded. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want Ryan to think she was going to pursue him. She would have to play it very cool. As if the kiss was no big deal. Maybe he would think this sort of thing happened to her every day.
That was going to be her goal, to keep it casual. Ryan must never know how very much his kiss had rocked her world.
* * *
RYAN HURRIED THROUGH his shower, then shaved and dressed quickly. His hair was still damp when he left his bedroom and headed for the stairs. He wanted to catch Cassie before she got Sasha up.
But when he stepped into the kitchen, the toddler was already sitting in her high chair with a cup of juice in front of her. She beamed when she saw him. “Unk Ryan. Me pincess.”
He gave her a quick smile, taking in the fact that she was dressed in her Halloween costume. “So you are. And a very beautiful princess at that.”
His gaze swept the room. Everything looked completely normal. Cassie stood at the stove preparing his niece’s hot cereal. Sunlight reflected off the linoleum floor. The smell of bacon and coffee filled the room. It was as if nothing had happened. For a second he thought maybe he’d imagined the whole incident. Then Cassie turned toward him.
“I tried to convince her to wear something else, but she can be quite stubborn, as you know.” Her smile was just right, her eyes bright, her expression welcoming. There might have been a hint of weariness in the shadows under her eyes, but he wasn’t sure. Still it wasn’t Cassie’s reaction—or lack of reaction—that convinced him last night had been very real. Instead, it was his own.