That alone was a revelation.
I pulled out of her body, pressing my hand against her back to stop her from moving, and sat on the bed across from her. I watched for a moment while I caught my breath. She stood with her thighs spread wide, my semen dripping out of her pussy but even that didn’t satisfy me as it usually would.
I exhaled heavily. "You can get up now."
She stood up and pulled her skirt down as if embarrassed. Then she went to the ensuite bathroom and I heard the water running as she tried to clean up. I followed, providing her with some aftercare, thinking as I held her in my arms and stroked her cheek, that things had fallen too far apart to recover. Instead of being my submissive, obedient to my wishes, unquestioning about my orders and plans, she had instead tried to be my girlfriend.
She wasn't.
She couldn't be. I didn’t do girlfriends.
Finally, I helped clean her thighs, wiping away my semen carefully with a wet cloth, no words being spoken between us. Once I was done, we stood side by side at the vanity. While I washed myself off, she watched me in the mirror. I could feel her gaze on me, and when our eyes met, she made a face of remorse, her brow creasing, the corners of her mouth turned down.
"I'm sorry. I was a bad sub, wasn’t I?"
"You were. I'm sorry, too," I said while I tucked myself in and buttoned my jeans. "I'm sorry you disobeyed me. Now, I have to run or I'll be late."
"Where are you going in such a rush?"
I splashed water on my face and then ran my hands through my hair. She had no right to know where I was going. That wasn’t part of our arrangement. When we signed our contract, we agreed not to poke our noses into each other’s personal lives. She wouldn’t try to learn more about me and my life outside of our sessions, and I would do the same.
I felt bad that things had gone wrong that night – I should have just cancelled the session entirely, given the gig, but I was too focused on trying to fit everything in. It was my fault for being preoccupied.
"My band's playing at O'Riley's at ten."
I left the washroom and she followed me to the front entrance, where I slipped on my shoes.
"Your band's more important than me?"
"Allie…" I said, my voice low. I shook my head but said nothing more. She knew my private life was not her concern.
"Don't be mad at me." She leaned on the wall, watching me as I slipped on my jacket. "I can't help it if I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to tonight."
"I'm not mad," I said, but it was a lie. "I'm disappointed. You know the rules. You agreed to our terms. We're going to have a little talk on Saturday night about what happened and what to do about it."
"I’ll come to O’Riley’s and we can talk after. I’ve never heard your band play.”
I shook my head. “No, Allie. You know the rules.”
She exhaled with barely-contained frustration. “Come back after your gig," she said. "We can talk then. I don't want to wait until Saturday."
I shook my head. "I have early surgery tomorrow."
"What about tomorrow night?"
"We're playing at The Front."
"Come by after. We can do a scene. I promise I'll be a perfect sub. We can talk then." She said nothing for a moment while I slipped on my jacket. "You could stay the night," she said softly. "You have no surgery on Saturday so it doesn't matter how late we are. We could have breakfast."
I shook my head, exasperated with her but fighting my inclination to raise my voice.
"Allie," I said, my eyes meeting hers, trying to hold her gaze but she avoided me. I took her chin in my hand. "Why are you doing this? I don’t sleep over. You know that. I don't do breakfast."
She pulled away and stood at the door, her eyes not meeting mine. "I deserve more."
There. She said it.
I stopped and inhaled deeply. "If you feel that way, then you do." I cupped her face with my hand, stroked her cheek. She couldn’t avoid looking me in the eyes. "I can't give it to you. I'm sorry."
Her eyes brimmed but then she forced a smile. "Forget it. Just forget I said it. Let's go back to normal."
I hesitated, not sure if we could go back to 'normal' now that she admitted she wanted more.
"We'll talk more on Saturday night." I opened the door and then I turned back. "Be ready for me. In proper position." I leaned in and kissed her on the lips then I stroked her cheek briefly.
She forced another smile. "See you."
I left without looking back, my mind already focused on getting to O'Riley's in time for our gig.
Any endorphins from my recent orgasm quickly dissipated and I felt a sense of gloom that even the prospect of my band playing our new set couldn't dispel. I knew in my heart that Allie and I were probably over. Saturday night would be confirmation. I couldn't see my way to working things out with her. She'd be disappointed unless we moved the relationship beyond what I wanted and needed.