She was also wearing leather wristbands that I used to restrain her during our scenes, as if to remind me who I was to her.
Her Master.
Ken dog-whistled and leaned in close. "Is that her?"
"It is," I said, not pleased to see her at O'Riley's. "Excuse me for a minute."
"She's stunning," Cliff said, his eyes wide. "We never get to meet your mysterious women. I was starting to think you were lying about having a girl. Introduce us."
"I don't think so," I said. "Maybe some other time."
I left the three of them at the bar, knowing they would be gossiping about Allie while I was gone. I could almost feel their eyes on me as I threaded my way through the tables. A few customers stopped me to tell me they enjoyed the show, and I nodded, offering a polite thank you.
When she saw me approaching the table, she forced a smile, but I could tell she knew I wouldn’t be happy.
"Allie," I said and sat across from her. "You know this breaks the terms of our agreement."
"I wanted to talk to you tonight."
"We agreed to talk on Saturday night."
"I didn’t want to wait that long." She reached across the table and took my hand. I wanted to pull my hand away, but didn’t want to cause a scene.
"You shouldn't have come," I said.
"After all this time, you still don’t want me to hear you play? Christ, Drake," she said, her voice filled with emotion. "It's been eight months. Don't I deserve some little scrap of humanity from you?"
I pulled my hand away. "You have my complete and total focus sexually. That's all I can give, Allie. You knew that when you signed the contract."
"The contract is just for show, Drake. You know it's unenforceable."
"It is. If you're not happy with the terms, you can leave at any time."
"Just like that?" She shook her head, her eyes bright but I could tell she was fighting her emotions. "You feel nothing for me beyond sex? I feel like you know me more deeply than anyone else has, ever."
I glanced around, trying to decide how to handle her. I took in a deep breath and then leaned closer, my voice low but loud enough for her to hear me over the buzz of conversations around us.
"Allie, I know you sexually. That's it. I don’t know anything else besides the fact you're a law student. Nothing.” I exhaled. “I don't know what color you like, or your favorite dessert, or what movie you watch over and over again when you're sick, or even what kind of music you like.”
“I love you,” she said, her eyes brimming. “Don't you love me, even a bit?”
“No you don’t love me. Look, Allie,” I said, trying not to be too harsh. “I've been married. I know what love is. You can't love me if you know nothing about me. I can’t love you if I know nothing about you."
She forced a smile, as if to keep from crying.
"Don't you want to know me? God, Drake, I have sex with you three times a week. You know my secret desires. Are you so heartless that you don't care to know me more deeply?"
I sighed, exasperated. This was the talk I knew we'd have to have sooner or later. I hoped it would be later, because I still enjoyed Allie sexually, but she was transgressing the terms of our agreement. She was unable to keep it purely sexual.
"I know about you," she said and squeezed my hand once more.
"You weren't supposed to know anything about me. That was part of the contract. No asking questions, no doing research. No stalking."
"I'm not stalking you. For Christ's sake I fuck you three times a week. How can I stalk you?"
I shook my head, not sure of what to say.
"I asked around. I did some research. You're a neurosurgeon at NYP. You play in the band. You've been in the lifestyle for five years since your divorce from a nurse who used to work with you. Your father's dead. Drake," she said and leaned in closer. "I could love you, if you let me."
I shook my head. "Don’t do this. I can't do more. I don't want to do more." I sat in silence and we stared into each other's eyes as if waiting to see if the other would relent.
Tears finally spilled out from her eyes.
"I'm sorry," I said, shaking my head in disappointment. "I can't give more. You knew that when you signed."
"If you can't give me more, then it's over."
“I can’t.” I sighed and pulled out my keys from my jacket pocket and removed my key to Allie's apartment from my keychain. I placed it down firmly on the table across from her. "I didn't want to end it this way, but you're right. I guess it's over." I exhaled heavily as I slid it to her, exasperated that she was doing this now.