Dragonbound(13)

“This book says dragons have held paladins captive before. Did you even see the attack?”
“No, but—”
“Did you find her body?”
“There was blood. So much. You’ve never been out in the field, so you don’t—”
“I know I wasn’t there. I know I’m not a paladin like the rest of you. But I also know that you didn’t see it happen. You didn’t find any proof that my sister’s not alive.”
“We brought back her cloak. There was a lot of blood. And burn marks on the ground. And even if we didn’t find her, getting carried off by dragons is the same as being dead. No, worse. If she wasn’t dead when they took her, then she is now.”
“You’re just grasping at straws, Virginia,” Ravenna says. She puts a hand over mine, trying to comfort me. “We all wish that this didn’t happen, but pretending there’s a way to get her back?” She shakes her head. “You’re just going to make things worse for yourself. You have to let go.”
Mina gives me a look of mixed pity and exasperation. Like the last thing she should have to do on the day of Celeste’s funeral is try and explain to me why my sister’s never coming back. “It’s not like she’s the first we’ve lost. Those scaly bastards have taken others. I’ve seen my best friends—like sisters and brothers to me—get mangled, maimed, eaten, burnt, and occasionally dragged off. And maybe I didn’t see the bodies of the ones that got taken, but I never saw them alive again, either. And if that means they’re not dead . . .” She shudders. “I don’t care what your stupid book says. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Maybe I don’t, but Amel—” I snap my mouth shut, stopping myself from mentioning him.
But apparently I wasn’t quick enough, because Mina pauses, and then understanding blazes in her eyes. “Amelrik?” she breathes. “Is that what you were about to say?”
I swallow and then meet her gaze, even though the anger on her face makes my cheeks burn. “He said—”
“No.” She holds up a hand. “Don’t even tell me what lies he put in your head. He’s a dragon. Dragons lie, Vee. And he’s also our prisoner. He’d tell you whatever you wanted to hear and give you false hope, just to watch you squirm.”Ravenna wipes a few fresh tears from her eyes. “How could you believe a word he said? And after what happened to your mother?”
I bite my lip, fighting a flicker of doubt. “He wasn’t lying.”
Mina snorts. “And I suppose he told you that? As if you can believe anything he says. I know for a fact that Celeste didn’t want you talking to him.”
“I didn’t believe him at first. I wanted to, but I didn’t. But something about the way he said it . . . I couldn’t just ignore it, so I started researching.” I tap the dusty pages of the book. “There are instances of this happening before, of dragons capturing paladins and keeping them as pets.”
Ravenna’s eyes widen. Mina grits her teeth and looks ready to chew me out for even suggesting that, but then Ravenna leans in and whispers something to her. Probably something about how she should go easy on me because I’m obviously not in my right mind.
Mina takes a deep breath. “And when your new best friend told you Celeste was still alive, what reason did he give?”
I open my mouth to answer, then consider not telling her. She’s not going to believe me, anyway. But getting Celeste back is going to be dangerous. And if I can’t convince the other paladins to go after her, then there’ll be no one to save her. And then I really should have gone to her funeral, because all this will be for nothing. “He said she was too valuable to them. Because she’s a St. George.”
“Why?”
“I don’t—He didn’t say.”
“Of course not.” Mina shakes her head, but any anger drains out of her, and she just looks tired. And sad. “He’s playing you, Vee. I don’t know what he wants with you, but you’d better stay away from him. It’s what Celeste wanted. And I know we’ve had our differences, but”—she pauses, steeling herself for what she’s about to say—“I don’t want you to get hurt. And if you’re talking to a dragon, then hurt is all you’re going to get. I think you know that. So, promise us, all right? Promise us you won’t ever speak to him again. For Celeste’s sake.”
I brace myself as I approach my father’s study. This is how desperate I am. Because if there’s one thing my encounter with Mina and Ravenna just taught me, it’s that nobody’s going to listen to me. But they’d listen to him. If it was my father, Lord St. George, saying the paladins needed to go on a rescue mission for Celeste, half a dozen of them would already be packing. Nobody would dare tell him they thought he was just crazy and grieving.
And okay, nobody told me that to my face, but I could tell it was what Mina and Ravenna were thinking. I get it—I’m not a paladin, and I feel guilty for what happened to Celeste. And I sort of got my information from a dragon prisoner who’s known for lying. Maybe I wouldn’t believe me, either. But I know in my heart that Celeste is alive. And if it was the other way around—if I was the one captured by dragons—I know she wouldn’t give up on me. 
I knock on the door, my stomach doing flip-flops, my mind racing, trying to come up with reasons why I shouldn’t be doing this. My father and I don’t exactly get along. I can’t think of any reason why he should believe me, except that, besides me, he’s the one who most wants Celeste back. And I have to talk to him before he hears the rumor that I’m crazy, which Mina and Ravenna will have no doubt spread to half the barracks by now.
“Come in,” he calls, though his voice is soft, broken.
I hesitate, almost turning around and running, but then I force myself to go in. It doesn’t matter what happens to me here. Not when Celeste’s life is on the line.
“Virginia,” my father says, sounding surprised to see me. He’s sitting behind his heavy wooden desk, the scrap of Celeste’s cloak in front of him. He quickly pulls it out of sight when I come in, like he doesn’t want me to see how sad he is, as if that isn’t obvious anyway. His eyes are bloodshot, and there are dark circles under them. He looks like he’s aged ten years in the past few days.
“Father.” I duck my head, acknowledging him. I can’t remember the last time I was willingly in this room.
We stare awkwardly at each other for a moment. Then he says, “What brings you here?”
“I . . .” I bite my lip, knowing anything I say is going to sound crazy, but also that this is my only chance to convince him. “It’s about Celeste.”
The corners of his mouth turn down, his entire body sagging a little. “It was a beautiful ceremony,” he says, nodding, and I realize he has no idea I wasn’t there.
“I have to tell you something, and it might not make a lot of sense. But you have to listen to me.”
His eyes dart toward mine, but he stays silent.
I swallow and go on. “I believe Celeste is still alive.”
He winces, as if I’d slapped him. “We had her funeral today.”
“I know, but nobody saw for sure that she was . . . not living. And there are all these accounts in the history books of dragons keeping paladin prisoners alive.” I might be exaggerating there, just a little. I mean, it’s true, there were reports that said that, but I could count them all on one hand. “We don’t know she’s dead.”
There. I said it.
He blinks at me. Then his expression hardens. “Virginia,” he growls. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
I wish people would stop telling me that. Not having magic powers and not being able to leave the barracks doesn’t make me an idiot. “But I know, deep down, that it’s true. That she’s alive. Don’t tell me you don’t feel it, too.”
“I . . .” He puts a hand over his heart, considering what I’ve said. “Of course I wish your sister was still—” He chokes up, covering his eyes and pausing to get ahold of himself. “I wish she was still with us. But a few stories in some history books isn’t proof of anything.”
“You could send a party after her. You could,” I add, when he raises his eyebrows at me like I’ve just said something completely insane.
“Send a group of our best warriors to their deaths, is that what you mean?” He folds his hands in front of him and stares down his nose at me.
“You don’t know that they wouldn’t come back. And Celeste—”“I do know. A hunting party can’t take on an entire kingdom of dragons, just as one dragon couldn’t bring down the entire barracks. Celeste is gone. It’s better if you realize that, Virginia. We must grieve for her. But we must also be strong enough not to endanger the lives of others, no matter how much we wish she was still here.”
I taste bitter tears in the back of my throat. He has a point, even if I don’t want to admit it. “But I know she’s out there. We can’t just leave her. And if her friends knew she was alive, they’d want to save her, too. You know they would!”