But I do. A whole hell of a lot.
She knows something’s up. She looks like she’s walking the plank and there are sharks in the water. I guess, in a way, there are. If one could consider me and my family’s history sharks.
I don’t even really see the mess I left in my apartment last night. When I got back from Olivia’s I shed my suit and left it crumpled in the floor right before I re-dressed as myself and went out to close up the club. Afterward, I’d fallen onto the bed, face first, and slept like the dead. Until Jake had come pounding at my door this morning, ready to deliver Olivia’s car. This double life thing is for the birds!
And now here I am, getting ready to tell someone, a girl who I haven’t known very long at all, my deepest, darkest, dirtiest, most dangerous secret. And the only thing I’m worried about is whether or not she’ll ever want to see me again. How’s that for crazy?
“Do you want something to drink? I just turned the coffee pot off, so it’s still hot.”
She’s looking around in a daze, no doubt trying to fit the pieces into the puzzle. But she won’t. Never in a thousand years would she ever guess. Unless I tell her.
“Olivia, have a seat on the couch. I’ll bring you some coffee. Then we’ll talk.”
I think she needs it more than I do, which is saying a lot. I pour us both a mug of coffee and run some hot water in the empty decanter, setting it back on the warmer until I can wash it out later. I’ve been taking care of myself for a long time. Some housekeeping things just come naturally at this point.
I hand her a cup and sit in the chair opposite her. I don’t want to crowd her and make what I’m about to say any worse. She’ll probably need a little space, a little distance after she hears it.
It surprises me when she speaks first. I don’t know why it would, though. Her backbone is obviously pretty sturdy. She just doesn’t always tap into it. But when she needs to, it’s there.
Like now.
“I don’t like games. I don’t like lies. Just tell me what’s going on. The truth.”
Her face is set. She’s braced herself. I guess if ever there’s a good time to drop a bomb like this, now’s probably it.
“All I ask is that you give me a chance to fully explain. Don’t go running off without hearing the whole story. Deal?”
She doesn’t agree immediately, which makes me a little nervous. But when she does, I know she means it.
“Deal.”
I wonder for a second whether or not I should tell her that repeating what she’s about to hear would be disastrous, but I decide against it. That’s like implying right off the bat that I don’t trust her, which I do. It’s just that I’ve never trusted anybody—anybody—with this before. I’m sure it’s natural to be a little leery.
“I’m Cash.”
Olivia just stares at me for a few seconds. I can only imagine how her mind must be spinning.
“I know that,” she says calmly. “But I want to know why were you acting like Nash?”
“Because I’m Nash, too.”
Her blank look says I just totally confused her, totally boggled her mind.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I know she will never be able to fully fathom what’s going on unless I explain it to her from the beginning.
Here goes.
“My father got mixed up with some pretty…unsavory people when he was younger, trying to make some extra money to help support his family. They were very poor. But this was all before he met my mother.” I laugh bitterly. “Turns out once you’re connected with people like that, you can never truly escape. I think, on some level, he knew that. But he tried anyway. And when he did, they decided to impress upon him what a bad idea it was to try and leave. These people make their points in truly…unforgettable ways. This time it was to tamper with Dad’s boat.”
Olivia is watching me closely, listening. I have no idea if she believes a word I’m saying, but I’m not stopping now. I’m going to tell her the whole story. Right now. No more secrets.
“We were going on a family vacation. Over Christmas break. Just a short trip, really. My mother and brother had gone down a little early to take some supplies. No one thought they’d be on the boat that soon. There was an explosion. They were both killed. And burned up in the fire. ”
Her face shows no sign of any kind of reaction for at least two full minutes. I don’t say a word as she digests what I’ve told her so far. I can tell the instant it sinks in. Every bit of color drains from her face.
“Was your brother a twin? Was he really named Nash?”