Down London Road (On Dublin Street #2)(85)

Cool air blew through my hair and across my cheeks until the fire began to wane and my trembling increased.

I'd just quit my job.

The job Cole and I needed.

The breath whooshed out of me and I stumbled against a wrought-iron fence, struggling to get air into my lungs. What were we going to do? We couldn't survive on my wages from the bar, and jobs weren't exactly easy to come by. I had some money put away, but that money was for Cole, not for me to burn through while I tried to find a new job.

'Oh, fuck,' I muttered, tears pricking the corners of my eyes as I pushed myself off the fence, looking back the way I'd come. I could feel the eyes of passers-by on my face, as they sensed my distress and probably wondered if I needed help. 'I need to go back.' I took two steps back towards the office, then stopped, clenching my fists at my sides.



       
         
       
        

I was halted by pride.

Me? Halted by pride?

I gave a huff of hysterical laughter and clutched my stomach, fighting the urge to be sick.

I couldn't go back. Meikle wouldn't even take me back after what I'd just said to him.

'Oh, God.' I pushed a shaking hand through my hair, gulping in as much air as I could.

And then it hit me.

This was Cam's fault.

My attraction to him had caused me to dump a wealthy, kind, handsome man who I knew cared about me. And now I'd quit my job! And for what? Because Cameron was charming enough to make me feel special, to make me feel better about myself? What about something real? What about telling me he loved me, huh?

It had been only six weeks, but I knew I loved him. Shouldn't he know he loved me? It wasn't like he wasn't capable of it. He'd fucking loved Blair!

More tears trembled on my eyelashes. I was mucking up my life because of him. Making impulsive, stupid decisions that were going to wreck any hope of a financially secure future for Cole.

Oh, God  …  Cole.

I'd let him get close to Cole too.

Who did that?

Who played Russian roulette not only with their own emotions but with their bloody kid's?

I had to do something. Quickly. I needed space. Time to re-evaluate before it was too late.

I needed to see Cam.

Despite my alarming pace, the usually forty-minute distance that I covered in twenty-five minutes still seemed to take forever, and I had to stop myself from walking down to Joss's flat on Dublin Street when I passed it. Perhaps talking this over with a friend would help, would clear up all my confusion, but I feared that Joss, who was Team Cameron, would only convince me I was being hysterical.

And maybe I was.

In fact, somewhere inside, I was pretty sure I was, but right now the anger and panic were overruling logic.

Logic that Joss probably would have used to talk me round. But Joss was hiding out from Ellie at the moment because Els had gone overboard with plans for the engagement party that was to take place in two weeks. With her brain ready to explode from Ellie in celebration mode, Joss had told me the other night at work that she had taken to not answering her door during the day. Five weeks of planning for a party? If I were Joss I'd be in hiding too.

With no one to talk me down and my emotions rocketing all over the place, I stormed into my building and stomped up the stairs, breathless by the time I reached Cam's flat. I may have pounded on his door harder than was necessary.

'Jesus Chr – ' Cam cut his words short at the sight of me as he opened the door to find me there, dishevelled and out of breath. 'Jo? What are you  –  why aren't you at work?' 

My eyes skimmed over him. He was kind of dressed up for Cam. The Diesel T-shirt he wore looked new and was a little more tight-fitting than his usual tees, sculpting the lean lines of muscle in his strong body. And were those new jeans? My eyes dropped to the black Levi's and I was almost relieved to see he was wearing his scuffed black engineer boots. Why was he semi-dressed up?

He looked hot.

It was such a turn-on when he gazed at me with those warm blue eyes, even when they were all worried and concerned as they were now. 'Jo?' He stepped out of his flat, reaching for me.

I wanted to lean into him, to let him hold me against him, to breathe him in, to feel his lips on my skin. I wanted that forever.

No, dammit! I drew back, taking him by surprise. I needed space. Every time I was near him, he just befuddled my brain.

He frowned, dropping his arm. 'What's wrong?'

I suddenly had an overwhelming desire to start crying. I held it at bay and looked anywhere but at him. 'I quit my job.'

Silence fell between us for a moment and then he replied, 'That's good.'

My glare skewered him to the wall behind him. 'No. It's not good. It's not bloody good, Cam.'