My heart was still pounding. I gazed at the wall. Trying to process what had just happened.
Murray Walker was back.
He was still a mean bastard.
And … Cole. He wanted to see Cole. I shook my head, bending over on a gasp as tears pricked my eyes.
No. Never.
Fuck.
What was I going to do?
I took a taxi home that night, terrified that Murray would be waiting outside the bar for me. He wasn't. Still …
I lay in bed staring at the ceiling.
This could break me. I could curl up and cry and become that little girl he'd abused. I could run to Cam.
But Cole was mine to protect. He'd always been mine to protect. And anyway, Murray was just playing with me. He'd had no interest in wanting to see Cole when he was in Cole's bloody life, and now he'd come to me. Not Mum. Me.
Then I did a google search on you the other week there and where did you crop up but in a picture with a multimillionaire from Edinburgh.
The bastard didn't want Cole. He wanted money.
He was going to blackmail me for money.
Stupid asshole. I didn't have any money!
I shook my head and turned on my side, pulling the covers tight around me. I'd just tell him that Malcolm and I were over and I didn't have access to his money any more. I was pretty sure that then he'd go slithering back into his little hole in Glasgow.
That was it, settled then. There was no need to tell anyone about this. Murray would be gone before I knew it.
Sleep evaded me for another night.
28
Thankfully Cole put my subdued behaviour the next morning down to the reigning silence between me and Cam.
'You should talk to him,' my little brother had advised as if it was the most obvious solution in the world. I'd just nodded at him and promised him I was nipping down to see Cam before work tonight.
Cam still hadn't texted me.
Then again, I still hadn't texted him.
Zombified from lack of sleep, I didn't do much that day. When I popped out for some groceries I felt as though eyes were following me the entire time, paranoid that Murray had found me again. I hurried home and stayed in the flat for the rest of the day.
When I was sure Cam would have returned home from work, I threw plenty of concealer on the dark circles under my eyes and walked down to his flat on shaking legs. I didn't know what to say to him, where to start …
I'd worked myself up into such a nervous mess that it was sort of deflating to discover that he wasn't home.
That had not been an outcome I'd imagined when I'd been guessing as to how our conversation would go. Mostly I hoped it would conclude with a lot of apologies from both of us, Cam agreeing never to see Blair again and then taking me wildly on his couch.
If he wasn't home, none of those things would happen.
A little nonplussed, I moodily returned to the flat. Cole was having dinner at Jamie's after school and returning home later that night. He was of course under strict orders to inform me when he got back to the flat. Strict orders or not, he had been getting a little lax lately with keeping me informed. Well, with thoughts of Murray riding me, baby boy would not be getting away with radio silence tonight. I'd be on his back like hair on a gorilla.
Determined to at least see Cam's face (I missed the asshole, goddammit), I knocked on his door on my way out to work. Again there was no answer. I pressed my ear against the door, but there was no sound of movement, no sound of the television, no music.
Where was he?
I glanced at my phone as I left the building, wondering if I should text him, make the first move, and it vibrated in my hand. My heart leaped into my throat as the message envelope blinked at me. Relief rushed through as I swiped the lock screen away and saw Cam's name.
Think maybe it's time we talk, baby. Can you come down to the flat tomorrow morning? Please. x
I sucked in the fresh air, feeling at least one weight lift off my shoulders. I nodded, as though he was there in front of me, and quickly sent him a reply.
I'll be there. x
I was just getting on the bus for work when my phone vibrated again.
I chuckled and settled into my seat. A smiley face. A smiley face was always a good thing, right?
Joss was still unwell, so I was working with Sadie and Alistair again. Alistair inquired immediately if I was feeling better, and I lied and told him I was fine. It was nice of him to ask. Alistair was a sweet guy. I was glad, however, that we'd been so busy the night before that he hadn't noticed Murray's appearance. If Alistair had seen the interaction between us, he would have known something was wrong and he would have peppered me with questions. He was a sweet guy, but he was also a nosy bastard, and if I hadn't given him answers, which I wouldn't have, he would have sought out Joss for them. Joss would then be involved and well … she had a way of unearthing all of my secrets.