I felt my chest tighten and I couldn't breathe.
Was his good mood due to his conversation with Blair? Was he transferring possessive, lovey-dovey thoughts for her to me because I was here and willing?
Or were my big, fat, illogical, psychotic insecurities rearing their ugly heads again and twisting everything around?
'You okay?' Cam asked softly, running his hand up and down my arm.
Tell him! Ask him!
But I was terrified. If I asked and he did still love Blair, Cam would feel compelled to tell me the truth and I would have to get up out of his arms and never return to them again.
How pathetic that I could willingly sit with him in a lie just to feel his breath on my ear?
'I'm fine,' I whispered softly, snuggling against his chest. I closed my eyes. 'Just tired.'
His fingers brushed through my hair and I punched back at my insecurities. The sex earlier, the cuddling now – that couldn't be about anybody but me.
Cam cares.
He really cares.
'Jo? I know when something's wrong with you. Your whole body goes tense.'
Dammit!
I sighed and pulled back, leaning my hands on his chest as I looked up into his familiar and wonderful face. My stomach was suddenly a riot of butterflies. 'I'm just wondering if I should be worried that the love of your life is suddenly back in it?'
Cam's eyebrows slammed together. He looked completely baffled by my question. 'I never said she was the love of my life. I said we used to be in love. Used to be. We're both different people now. Well, I am at least.' He traced my lip with his thumb, his eyes following the movement before finding their way into mine. 'You've got nothing to be worried about. I told you that. You believe me, right?' His hand slid to the nape of my neck, his strong grip bringing my face even closer to his. 'You trust me?'
When Cam gazed at me like that, with such intensity and sincerity, it was hard to reply with anything but a quiet affirmation: 'I trust you.'
26
As though Cam sensed that I needed a little reassurance, he texted me more than usual over the next few days despite how busy he was. We were both busy. To the delight of both me and Cole, Uncle Mick and Olivia had decided to stay in Edinburgh indefinitely. I spent time helping them search for flats online and sending them links to decent ones during my quieter periods at work, since Uncle Mick was preoccupied with looking into setting up a painting and decorating business in Edinburgh. I'd put him in touch with Braden as a start for building a profile and contacts, but Mick also had a lot of stuff to figure out financially, and Olivia and I were happy to let him get on with that while we searched for flats. I was a little surprised when Olivia informed me that we were looking for two flats, but she insisted that she'd been relying on Uncle Mick too much lately and it was time she took back control of her life – starting with renting her own place.
On top of that, I found myself playing referee with regard to Joss's wedding plans. Ellie still hadn't given up her hopes of turning Joss into a romantic, and Joss, in my effort to talk her out of homicidal thoughts, needed a reminder every now and then that she loved Ellie and would be greatly upset with herself if she 'accidentally' offed her maid of honour.
So, a little overwhelmed that week and unable to see Cam as much as I would have liked, I thought it was nice of him to keep in contact with me so much during the day, and even lovelier of him to stop by on Wednesday to take me for a long lunch.
I was seated behind the reception desk waiting for him when he strode into the estate agents office wearing his worn jeans, boots and ragged Def Leppard T-shirt, looking sexy and cool and utterly at home in his own skin. I watched my colleague Anna, who worked in admin with me, stop in the middle of her conversation with Ollie, one of our agents, to slaver over Cam as he strolled past her.
My face split into a big grin and I hurried around the desk to greet him. I should have been embarrassed by the long kiss he smacked on me, but I wasn't. I was just so pleased to see him.
'Hey, you,' I murmured, pulling back to affectionately stroke his scruffy cheeks.
His eyes drifted down my body and were filled with more than a little appreciation when they returned to my face. 'You look good, baby.' I was wearing a black high-waist, calf-length pencil skirt with a sleeveless white silk blouse tucked into it. On my feet were four-inch black-and-white stilettos that took me a couple of inches above his head. He clearly didn't care. 'Very sexy secretary.'
'My God, is this the boyfriend?' Ryan, one of the younger estate agents, asked teasingly from behind Cam.