Trey covered her mouth with one hand and lifted his gaze to Ethan, who was standing directly behind her. "Can you give us a few minutes alone?"
"Yeah, of course," Ethan said and stepped away.
"Trey," she said against his hand.
"Hear me out, Reagan."
She nodded and lowered her gaze. A dark cloud seemed to settle over her, making her skin cold and clammy.
He led her to the sofa and eased her down onto the soft cushions. When he sat on the coffee table in front of her and took her hands in his, she just wanted to wrap him in her arms and tell him it didn't matter. She could pretend like she'd never seen that. Pretend that Ethan hadn't verified her suspicions.
"I've been attracted to both men and women for as long as I can remember," he said.
Well, that wasn't what she'd expected him to say. She lifted her gaze to his. The sincerity in his eyes made her heart thud with a mixture of empathy and despair.
"Recently I decided that I didn't want the complications that come with being attracted to men. I thought I could control those urges. Deny that they exist. I wanted to be faithful to you, Reagan. I have been faithful to you, but … "
"You didn't do anything wrong, Trey. I'm sorry I freaked out. If that's what you need, maybe I can help, or maybe you can-"
"Keep denying what I am?" He shook his head. "I can't. I've always been very open about my sexuality. This trying to be something I'm not … I can't do it anymore, Reagan. I love you, but … "
All the air whooshed out of her lungs. Did he just say that he loved her?
"I'm saying good-bye. I can't make you happy. I'm just not cut out for a committed relationship. We'll just end up making each other miserable. Either I'll be sexually frustrated or you'll be hurt when I eventually stray. It's better to end this now before we become too attached to each other."
His face blurred behind the welling of tears in her eyes. She was already too attached to him. Hot trails of moisture streaked down both cheeks. Dripped from her jaw.
"Don't cry," he whispered and brushed his lips against her temple. "You'll be okay."
She took a deep strangled breath and reached for him, but he climbed to his feet and held her down on the sofa by her shoulder.
"Ethan," he called. When Trey released her shoulder, she leapt to her feet, but the arms that went around her, the shirt that absorbed her tears, didn't belong to Trey. They belonged to Ethan.
"Take good care of her," Trey said. When the front door closed behind him, she broke into wracking sobs.
Chapter 22
Ethan's arms tightened around Reagan's trembling body. He drew her closer to his chest, rubbed her back with both hands, and stared at the door that Trey had just exited. Ethan had never respected a man more than he respected Trey at that moment. Ethan wished he would have had the balls to have that conversation with Reagan. Wished he'd have been man enough to let her go and spare her feelings before he strayed with a man and crushed her heart. Wished he could have put her happiness first instead of doing everything in his power to keep himself in her life. He knew he was a selfish bastard, but even knowing that, he still couldn't let her go. He loved her too much. Even if he did have to pretend he thought of her as a friend and nothing more substantial.
Ethan lowered his lips to her hair. He didn't know what to say to her. Didn't know if anything he said would make one bit of difference. He felt responsible for this entire thing. If he hadn't been so attracted to Trey and tried to make a move on his best friend's boyfriend-God, I'm such an ass-Reagan wouldn't be sobbing right now. She'd be laughing. Smiling. Staring at Trey with the sickening look of love that ate Ethan alive.
"Reagan," he whispered. "Shh. Calm down, baby."
"I have to go after him," she said. "I can't let him leave. He said he loves me and I think … I know I love him too."
She tried to pull away, but Ethan held her tight. "Reagan, he's right. You can't be happy with him. He basically told you that he'd cheat on you. I know firsthand that you don't take that well."
She punched him in the ribs. Okay, he deserved that.
"If I give him permission, it won't be cheating."
All the air seemed to vacate the room. "Permission? You never gave me permission."
"You didn't ask, Ethan. You didn't even talk to me about it. You just screwed someone in our apartment when you thought I wouldn't be home."
"How many times have I apologized for that, Reagan? I knew you wouldn't understand my attraction to men. I scarcely understand it."