"Does she realize how exhausted you are?" Trey asked. He knew Myrna. She wouldn't want Brian to wear himself down like this.
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine, Brian. You can't keep going like this. Do you want to cancel the rest of the tour dates? I'll side with you no matter what. Just tell me what you want to do."
"I want to hold my son." His hand was trembling when he pressed his fingertips to his forehead.
Then that's what he was going to do. "I'll contact Jerry," Trey said. "Tell him to call off the last three shows."
Brian shook his head. "No. We need to finish out the tour. I can do this for another week."
"And then what are you going to do? We go back on the road just one week after this tour ends."
"You don't think I know that?" Trey felt the crack in Brian's voice in his chest.
Trey sighed. "You can't keep this up, Brian. What does Myrna say about this crazy schedule you're keeping?"
Brian lowered his gaze. "She tries to be strong when I leave. Says she and Malcolm will miss me, but they'll be fine while I'm gone."
"Jessica and Aggie are still helping her out, aren't they?"
"Yeah."
"Dare?"
"Yeah, everyone's great. Maybe they are fine when I'm gone. Maybe what I really want is for them to need me more."
Trey squeezed his shoulder. "Hey. Don't say that. They need you. I know for a fact that Myrna cries when you're gone. She misses you so much more than she's letting on."
Brian's breath caught and he shoved Trey aside as he reached for the doorknob. Trey probably shouldn't have told him that Myrna cried. He grabbed Brian's arm again and hauled him away from the door.
"Trey, I have to go. I'm not going to be like my father. I promised myself that I'd always be there for them both. I'm not going to let them wonder if they're important to me. Or if I love them. I'm going to tell them to their faces every goddamn day."
Now they were making progress. Brian's father had been a famous guitarist while Brian had been growing up. Malcolm O'Neil had used touring as an excuse to ignore his family, and he'd never been there for Brian when he'd needed him. "You're not like your father, Brian."
"But I could be. It would be a lot fucking easier if I was." Brian pressed his fists against his temples and took a deep breath.
"I know you, Brian. You'd give up the band before you'd do that to your family."
"It's crossed my mind."
Trey's stomach dropped. "What?"
"Leaving Sinners."
"You don't want to make music anymore?"
"Yeah, I do. I haven't figured out how to do both. If something has to give … "
Trey didn't want to even think about the possibility. "Have you talked to Myrna about any of this?"
Brian hesitated and then shook his head. Trey took his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed Myrna's number. She answered on the first ring. "Trey? Is something wrong with Brian?"
"No. The band is trying to talk Brian into staying here for the night instead of going back to L.A. He's so burnt out, but he wants to go home."
"I already told him to stay there tonight. Malcolm and I will be fine without him for a couple of days. He shouldn't worry about us so much."
"I know you're being strong for him, Myr, but he needs to hear how hard you're struggling without him so he can be all angsty and depressed, but at least he'll stop trying so hard to prove that he's not going to be like his father."
"Is that what he thinks?" Myrna asked. "That he's going to be a bad father? He's a wonderful father. A wonderful husband. How could he think otherwise? Did I do something to make him feel that way?"
"I don't think so, Myrna." Trey glanced over at Brian who had his arms crossed over his chest and was staring daggers at him. Yeah, it probably wasn't his place to force Brian to talk to his wife, but Trey couldn't stand to see him like this. Brian needed to tell her these things. She could handle it. And Trey needed to keep this band together. It meant everything to him.
"Is he there?" Myrna asked. "Can I talk to him?"
"Yeah, he's here. He's pretty pissed off at me right now, so make sure you remind him that I got in his business because he's being a douche." And because I love him, he added silently.
"Thanks, Trey. I'm glad you're there for him. I figured he was having a harder time than he was letting on, but he's always so happy when he's home. I didn't know he was struggling."