Double Time (Sinners on Tour #5)(117)

"I think most women would be put off by that."

"You just have so much to give. Enough for me and Ethan." She gave him a hard stare. "That doesn't mean you can go spreading it all over fandom." 

"No worries there. I have everything I want right here." Trey hesitated. "Where's Ethan?" he asked again.

"I think he's helping direct traffic or breaking up fights."

"That means I get you all to myself." He stroked her hair from her face and kissed her lips gently.

She closed her eyes tightly and didn't kiss him back. Perplexed, he stared down at her. Maybe she really was just tired. It couldn't possibly be that she'd lost interest.

"Trey?" she whispered.

"Yeah?"

"I need to tell you something."

"I'm listening."

"I think you're going to be mad at me."

"I don't get mad."

"I had sex with Ethan backstage tonight," she blurted. "He just sort of grabbed me and we started kissing. We got carried away and ended up having a quickie up against the wall." She opened her eyes cautiously.

Trey grinned. "Was it exciting?"

"We shouldn't have done it without you there."

Trey stared down into her eyes. He could tell that guilt was eating her alive. "Why not?"

"Because."

"I don't have to be there every time you have sex with Ethan. Just like he doesn't have to be there every time I have sex with you."

"Have you two had sex without me knowing about it?" she asked.

He thought back to all of his encounters with Ethan. Even that first time, Reagan had known. "Well no, but … "

"Why not?"

"Because we like to include you. You feel like you cheated on me, don't you?"

She rubbed her forehead. "This relationship is just so complicated. I get mixed up sometimes. I don't feel like I'm cheating when you're there, but when we went at it behind your back and didn't tell you, it felt wrong."

"So just come right out and tell me when you two go at it."

"You won't be jealous?"

"Will you be jealous when I have sex with Ethan?"

"I'm not sure."

"Do you want to know about it when it happens?"

"Yes, don't hide it from me. No secrets."

He kissed her gently. "There. You found your own solution. You just needed to talk it out."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled her face against his chest. "I love you so much."

"I love you too."

"I like you like this, Trey. I'm so glad we brought Ethan into our relationship. I was worried at first that I'd feel neglected or you'd love me less, but now I find that when you're happy, you love me even more. I could tell there was something wrong between us when we were touring with Sinners. You were trying too hard to want only me, and now you're just you."

"How do you feel about Ethan?" Trey asked.

She stiffened. "What do you mean?"

"Do you love him?"

"He's my best friend. Well, you are too. You're both my best friends."

"We're also your lovers."

"If I tell you I love him, will you break up with me?"

Trey chuckled softly. "Sweetheart, you're the one who is trying too hard. You can love him. It's not like you can help it, and he's a wonderful man. He treats you well. He'd do anything for you. You've been through a lot together."

"Do you love him?" Reagan asked.

"I like him."

"That's not the same thing."



       
         
       
        

"I'm well aware of that."

"Do you think you could love a man?"

Trey needed to tell her his deepest remaining secret. He trusted her with it. He wasn't sure if she'd accept it or understand, but if he expected her to be open and honest about everything then he had to treat her with the same respect. "I do love a man."

"Do? Or did?"

"Do. I'll never stop loving him, but he's out of reach."

"What's his name?"

His stomach clenched with apprehension. For a moment, he considered making up some random name. "Brian."

"Brian?" Reagan's eyes widened. "You don't mean Brian Sinclair?"

"Yeah."

Reagan stared up at him in stunned disbelief and then burst out laughing. "Good one, Trey. You had me going there for a minute."

He spilled his guts to her and she thought he was joking? Nice. He rolled off of her and lay beside her on the bed on his back. He pressed against his eyelids with a thumb and middle finger to force all of the hurt and hopelessness back down where it belonged.