Double Dealing(90)

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, wishing I'd done things differently. I wondered how my jealousy had led me to this point, and what I could have done differently. I wondered if my own ambition and jealousy had ruined my life, and possibly Felix’s life too.

I was staring a hole in the table when I felt someone standing behind me, very quietly, just watching me and breathing slowly. Considering I hadn't heard them approach, I figured it was Charani or Syeira. “What is it, Mother? Come to say that I don't deserve my name again?”

“Actually, I came to see if you were sleepy,” Jordan said behind me, putting her hands on my shoulders. “You aren't going to save your brother in one night.”

I looked up, reaching for her hand before letting my hand fall back to the table. “Why?”

“A question I've been asking myself,” Jordan said, rubbing my neck, “but I doubt that we're asking why about the same things.”

I sighed and nodded, relishing the feeling of her touch even as I knew I had betrayed her. More than Syeira, I had betrayed Jordan, for which I was sorry. “You are right. I assume your whys have been more about why I did what I did, and why I deceived you.”

“Those were two of them,” Jordan agreed, letting go of her massage and coming around to sit next to me at the table. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the wood, and I couldn't help but notice that instead of the simply sexy sleepwear she'd favored most of the time we had been together, she was wearing one of Felix's t-shirts, a blue one that had a high neckline. “Also, why in the world you did it the way you did. Had we never found out, what you did was even worse than killing him. It was beyond low.”

“When I first had my plan, that wasn’t part of it,” I said, rubbing my temples, a nervous habit I'd picked up in the past few hours it seemed. Even angry and saddened, Jordan was extraordinarily beautiful, her insightful gaze still sending warm tendrils to my heart, each one of them aching because I knew what I was giving up. “That came later, from the Spaniard. I think it was a part of the price he used to set up the deal for the Quran.”

“So he wanted the book, you wanted the throne, and Felix was the price,” Jordan said, only a hint of anger in her voice. Instead, there was great sadness. “I'm not going to ask you why you wanted to do it. From knowing you, I think I know why. But why are you showing such a sudden change of heart?”

I wiped at my eyes, trying to blink away the tears. “Because I saw something today that broke my heart. I saw and still see the pain in your eyes, and I listened to my mother say she wished she'd never given birth to me. When I heard that, I realized that the crown, the scars on my back, they're nothing. What I have dreamed of my entire life was acceptance and respect, and what I realized today was that I already had both, right in front of me. I had you and Charani, and in thinking back, yes, I had Felix too. Yet I was too blinded by the hurt in my past to see it.”

Jordan considered my words for a second, then nodded. “I believe you, but just know that you aren’t forgiven. That’s going to take more from you.”

I nodded, tears falling from my eyes. “Jordan, I know that it might be impossible for me to ever redeem myself in your eyes. But if there is even a chance, I’ll do whatever it takes. I love you.”

Jordan blinked, then looked up at the ceiling, taking a shuddering breath. Finally, she looked at me, her own eyes shimmering with tears. “I love you too. I can't help it, which is why this hurts so damn much right now.”

She wiped at her face, then took a deep breath before standing up. “Enough of that, though. I wanted you to know that your bed is waiting, and you should get to it. You need your rest if you are going to devote your energy in the direction it should be.”

“And you?” I asked, desperate hope in my heart. Jordan saw what I was asking, and she shook her head. “I should have guessed.”

“I will sleep on the couch tonight,” she said. “But when we get to Albania, I’m going to need a bed.”

“Albania? Why there?” I asked.

Jordan cocked her head as if it was a dumb question. “It’s where your tribe is. They’re angry with you, but in talking with Syeira and Charani, they volunteered to help. If we’re to rescue Felix, then we need backup.”





Chapter 38





Jordan




I couldn’t help but think that, considering the situation I was in, I should have been angrier, or at least less impressed by the situation I found myself in. Instead, I was blown away on an almost daily basis by the beauty of the farm outside Durres, Albania that was the seat of the Hardy family. Situated with a breathtaking view over the Adriatic sea, I woke up every morning to find myself in a Mediterranean paradise. White, rustic walls enclosed an old home that within it held a sense of nobility and refined charm that I had never experienced before. Dark gray flagstones lined the floor of the kitchen, where a real brick oven let Syeira and Charani cook to their heart's content. The seven bedrooms were Spartan in nature, most of them except for the master suites having a simple twin sized mattress, but were amazingly comfortable with breezy linens that let every whisper of the ocean air caress your body.