Double Dealing(70)

Each of the leaders, sixteen in all, lined up in two lines of eight. One by one they approached and said something I couldn't understand in Romani before taking long wooden rods, maybe four feet long and about as thick around as two of my fingers. They then hit Francois across the back, taking turns to create the X-shape that I knew so well from Felix's back. Tears came to my eyes and I wanted to reach for him, but Charani laid a hand on my shoulder, shaking her head. There would be no interruption.

Francois's skin resisted the blows until the third pair, not rupturing until the man on his left swung so hard that his rod cracked in half with his blow. The ceremony didn't pause, but intensified, with each of the following pairs of men striving to open those wounds wider, the blood sheeting down Francois's back and staining his pants by the end. Tears rolled down my cheeks just as much, but still his head was held high, his eyes turned toward the sky, and I could see his eyes open and looking into the dimness of the barn.

Finally, the last blow was struck, and all sixteen men stood back, surveying their handiwork. One of them raised his hand, and in a single voice, they said something else in Romani. The man lowered his hand, and two more men ran forward, lowering Francois to the waiting arms of two more of the men. They carried him into the house, where one of them checked his wounds. He turned to Charani and spoke in Romani, her face impassive the whole time. She whispered out of the side of her mouth as the man took a bottle from what looked like an old-fashioned doctor's bag and started daubing fluid on the wounds. "He says that the wounds are deep, but that they’re just in the skin. The underlying muscles weren’t torn. For the Romani, this is good, as the scars will be wide and strong, unbroken. They’ll be a good sign of his position and the respect he deserves.”

I sighed in relief, then glanced at Charani. "Can I go see him now?"

“You can, but I’m not sure he’ll be conscious. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t passed out already from all the pain.”

I went over to Francois and knelt by his shoulder. His eyes were closed, but his face was still a rictus of pain. "Francois?"

"I . . . I’m okay," he grunted in a low voice. "I will recover."

"Then sleep for now, my love," I said, kissing his temple. “I’ll be here when you wake up.”

He drifted off. I don't know if it was into sleep or a pain-induced delirium, and the other leaders of the Romani families paid their respects and left.

I checked on Syeira and Charani and retreated to Felix's room, looking around. It still seemed surreal, that the very next day I'd be saying goodbye to him. I could smell him in the air still, and my mind played back memories of our times together. In the silence and solitude, I was able to admit to myself the truth that had haunted me since Francois came in saying that Felix had been killed. I may have been with Francois first, but Felix was the one who truly had my heart. I picked up his pillow and held it to my face, sobbing as I thought of going through the rest of my life without him. Even with Francois, Felix had been the perfect man for me. That he was generous enough to share me with his brother just made him even more perfect.

Somehow, in that sadness, I felt something bloom inside me. Perhaps it was just an insane hope, but I felt his presence, his spirit with me. My tears trickled off and my eyes cleared, and I looked around the room. If I was to say goodbye to Felix, how was I going to do it?

Guided by the spirit that was touching me, I looked, and saw on the dresser the violin case. Unlatching it, I opened the cover to reveal the deeply stained spruce of the front of the instrument. For the first time in years, I reached out and touched the neck without feeling the slightest turn in my belly of fear. Instead, love and sadness mixed, compelling me to pick up the instrument and pluck the strings, one after another, adjusting the tune as needed until I found the perfect tension. Sealing the case back up, I picked it up and slid the shoulder strap over my head, leaving it on my back.

I found Charani in the main room of the house, tending to the preparations for a light lunch. "I'm going out," I said, causing her to look up. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw what was on my back, then she nodded in understanding. “I’ll be back when I’m ready."

"Let your heart say what it needs to say," she advised me. "That’s all you need to do."

I left and thought about it for a moment, before heading down toward the river. It wasn't the ocean, but it would do. I needed quiet, and I needed water. It’d always been my muse when I searched for the right notes to convey my emotions.