"You don't always have to be alone," she said, leaning in. Her kiss was soft and supple, and of course, I was happy to kiss her back. Reaching out, I took her hand in mine and held it until she pulled away. "In spite of everything, you seem to be a good man, Felix."
I shook my head. "I wish it were so, Jordan. But I'm not a good man. I just try to do my best."
She gave my hands another squeeze and then looked up at the ceiling. Her expression changed, like she was conflicted about something. "Why is this so damn difficult?"
Chapter 10
Jordan
That night, long after I'd gone to bed, I tossed and turned underneath the two blankets that the boys had left me. My mind whirled, and my body ached.
Part of it was that, despite the extra clothing and the two blankets, I was cold. Maybe I was just feeling it more, or perhaps it was that the snow which had held off the night before had gotten more intense, but I shivered underneath my blankets. I could have used a warm body to snuggle up against, or a warm fire, neither of which were available in the bedroom.
That desire for a warm body was the other reason I couldn't get any sleep. I'd only known these two men for a few days. Yet in that time, I'd kissed Felix, and worse yet, had sex with Francois. It was unlike me, and it was messing with my head.
What was it about the brothers that got through all my emotional and sexual defenses like they were made of nothing more than tissue paper? It couldn't have been just their looks. Both were definitely my type, with dark brown hair, a certain light swarthiness to their looks, and sensuous features highlighted by wide mouths and full, pouty lips. But I mean, I was in rock and roll, that look wasn't exactly rare among rock singers. Everyone and their brother tried to copy either Elvis, Mick Jagger or Steven Tyler with their facial look. If I went gaga for every guy with pouty lips who I met, I'd have become a backstage groupie long ago.
I didn't know what it was, but I did know that my body yearned for their touch. I tossed and turned, my body coursing with warm desire until I could take it no longer. Getting out of bed, I pulled on my pants and sweater. I went over and knocked lightly on the door, hoping one of them was awake. "Guys?"
"It’s unlocked, Jordan," Felix replied from the main room. "Come on out."
I opened the door to find Francois lying on the sofa, his jacket rolled up underneath his head to provide a pillow, snoring lightly with his sweatshirt laid over his head to shade him from the firelight. "Hi," I said softly to Felix. "Thanks for not locking the door."
Felix shrugged. “You’ve earned enough trust for that at least.”
"I've been lying in there confused,” I replied, sitting at one of the chairs arranged around the tiny dining table, which had obviously been designed for just the two of them. We'd eaten meals by one of us standing at all times. "Felix, things have been weird since meeting you two."
"Weird as in this is the first time you've been kidnapped?" Felix asked with a light laugh. "I hope we're giving you a good impression of criminals."
I laughed silently, aware that Francois was sleeping just a few feet away. "Yes, that’s a first for me. You two are the nicest criminals I’ve ever seen. Which is kind of the problem."
"How so?" Felix asked. He had made a kettle of tea, pouring himself a cup from the steaming kettle that was sitting on top of the stove, warmed by the fire burning inside. "Want some? It's nothing famous, but it is decent."
"Sure, why not?" I said, watching as him get me a mug. He handed it over, his eyes lingering on me, and I could see the memories flash through his mind. "Felix, about earlier . . .”
"I was as surprised as I’m sure you were,” he said, cutting me short. He seemed apologetic for his actions, while I felt the same way, especially with what I had to tell him. “I’m not normally one to be so quick in my affections."
"Me either, but there is a problem. You see, earlier, when Francois and I went to gather wood . . .”
"You kissed him as well?" Felix asked, unsurprised. "Francois has more of a honeyed tongue than me, that’s for sure, so I’m not surprised. I think it’s because he’s more playful. I’ve been accused of being too uptight, and more than once called an arrogant ass, sometimes deservedly."
"Uhm, it was a little more than a kiss," I replied, blushing. Felix looked at me levelly, not answering for a moment while he took a deep drink of his tea. He must have had a throat of leather, the tea was still steaming. "I've been lying back there, torn over what has happened today. When we kissed earlier, I did it because I wanted to. When Francois and I had sex, it was because I wanted to. Now, I'm lying in that bed wanting both of you to just join me and keep me warm, to feel both of you. And I'm asking myself why, why? I've never been in this situation before of being attracted to two men, two brothers of all things, at the exact same time, and certainly not so soon after meeting them."