But the big man just shrugged.
“I thought about it, and none of that stuff is dealbreaker type material,” he said matter of factly. “Baby, you know that I have more than enough, I don’t work because I have to, I work because I want to,” he said with a wry grin. “Trading is a passion of mine, but it’s not the dollars that keep me motivated at this point. It’s the competition, the sense of dominance as I force other guys to swallow the short end of the stick.”
I nodded faintly. I knew he had plenty of money, but I had no idea that he didn’t have to work. Made sense though, given that he’d just installed an indoor jungle gym for his daughter.
And the big man went on, shrugging.
“The company’s mine, anyways,” he said. “There’s a couple guys in the office in Manhattan, and I figure I’ll just manage them from upstate,” he said. “Besides, these aren’t dudes who need hands-on time, they’ve been working for me for years, and things’ll be fine if I work from home.”
I nodded dumbly. That was true, during my time at his house, he hadn’t gone in much at all, choosing instead to call in from his home office. But I thought it was because it’d been winter break, so no one was around and the workload was light. But Pete shook his head.
“Naw, I’m the boss and we’re an established outfit, the gears move like clockwork now. It’ll be fine if I just drop in now and then.”
So I nodded, heart racing. Oh my god, this was like a dream come true. What was it Rebecca had said? Shades of grey? Many paths? Suddenly I knew exactly what she was talking about because this was a color grey that I’d never dreamed of, materializing before my eyes as we spoke.
“And Violet?” I asked weakly. “What about your daughter? She starts school soon.”
The big man smiled at me before pulling my chin to him with a large hand, looking deep into my eyes.
“Baby, that’s how I knew we absolutely had to move up here. Because you love Violet, you love my daughter like she’s your own, you treat her better than anybody else, and honey, Violet’s starting kindergarten,” he said wryly. “It’s not rocket science. It’s not like we’re asking a kid to transfer in the middle of high school, when he’s taking SATs and other shit. So Violet will be fine. In fact, I think she’ll love it up here with the natural beauty of the woods … and most of all with you.”
And I gave in then. Because it was true. Kindergarten wasn’t a dealbreaker. School wasn’t a dealbreaker. Distance, time, money, heck, even his job weren’t dealbreakers. Instead, there was a path forward that was beckoning to me now, blooming as I watched, and all I had to do was take it, all I had to do was to close my hand around what was offered. So I did. I leaned forward and kissed Peter then, with all the meaning and hunger in my soul, imbuing the soft touch with everything I felt for him, how much I missed him, how much I loved him, how much I appreciated everything he was doing.
“I accept,” I said softly, breathing against his mouth. “I love you, Peter Parker, and thank you for turning your life upside down so that we can be together.”
But the big man wasn’t done. In the middle of our kiss, he gripped my chin with his hand, looking at me intently.
“But it means that there’s no going back, honey,” he said roughly. “I do this and you’re out to your parents. You’re telling them that you live with me now, that you’re in school but that we’re a couple, a couple in love. No beating around the bush, baby, no lies, no what-ifs or maybes. Because we’re together one hundred percent and I’m gonna try to get you pregnant.”
I colored then. A baby? Oh my god … and suddenly my heart overflowed with feeling. Because I wanted it. I wanted it to happen, and it was absolutely right. No more “seeing how the land lies,” or “if I get pregnant, then we’ll see what happens.” Instead, I wanted to do it purposefully, I wanted to feel life within me, to let Mr. Parker’s seed flower, for him to take me again and again as our child grew within. It was right, and I could feel the rightness deep in my soul, in my heart.
“Yes,” I said gently. “I want it too, I want your baby, and I’ll tell Jim and Trish, no ifs, ands, or buts. I’ll tell them that it’s part of the plan, that it’ll all work out, that I’m having your baby because it will all work out, I know it will,” I breathed, leaning forward for another kiss.
And the big man groaned then, drawing me close.
“I love you,” he ground out. “I love you, Amanda Smith, and I promise to do my best to make life sweet for you. I’ll put in all my resources, my time, my money, my heart and soul into making you happy, into making our little family happy. You mean so much to be, baby girl, and I can’t let you go, ever.”