Double Dare(333)

So I sighed again, shaking my head as my car pulled into the Parkers’ driveway. Crossed wires was a good metaphor to describe me, without a clear idea of where I was going or even what I wanted. Sure, on the outside I looked like a winner, graduating at the top of my class, Miss Wall Street all the way. But inside … I dunno. I felt like a mass of contradictions with no clear path, no clear meaning in life. So I sighed again, frustrated. Maybe this is what it meant to be a teen. I wanted direction, focus, but instead was fumbling, flailing wildly, trying to keep it together as I spiraled out of control internally.

But first things first. Straightening my shoulders, I mounted the steps to the mansion, and as if on cue, the double doors swung open, Mr. Parker with Violet in his arms.

“Mandy!” cried the child joyfully. “You’re here, you’re here!”

And I reached out to hug her, her little arms closing tight around my neck. For a moment, peace descended on me once more, standing here in a triumvirate with Pete and Violet. A sense of calm pervaded my being, it was like I’d been swimming in rocky waters and suddenly the waves had stilled, leading to a smooth, soothing ride. A warm glow descended and it felt so right, so amazing, that I hesitated for a moment, not sure what to do next.

But Violet never fails to surprise.

“Mandy!” she cried again. “I have something for you!”

And Mr. Parker grinned at me, his handsome profile so close to mine, our heads bowed over our precious charge.

“Come on Vi,” he said, “Let’s go into the kitchen and you can show Mandy what you made her.”

I beamed at the big man deliriously before catching myself. What was wrong with me? I was positively soaring on Cloud Nine, acting like I was part of this family unit, spending quality time with Pete and his daughter. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I was just a babysitter for hire, someone paid with money. A beloved sitter, sure, but still. The job was temporary, I wasn’t here for the long haul or anything, there was still school and my fancy future career waiting.

So I forced myself back to reality, trailing Pete’s broad back into the kitchen, Violet giggling all the way. I really was losing it, I was letting my mind go wild, sinking into a comfortable goo. Oh shit, oh shit. I didn’t even want to think about what that meant, so I slogged on ahead.

Besides, the cookie that Violet had made me was so cute. The little blonde girl held it up to me, beaming with pride.

“For you, Man-man,” she babbled.

And I crouched down so I was eye level with the tot.

“Thank you,” I said, giving her a hug. “Can I eat it? What is it?”

And Violet giggled then.

“It’s you!” she said excitedly. “Can’t you tell? It’s Man-man and Vi-let!”

To be honest, no I couldn’t tell, not at all. The blob I held in my hands was just that, a blob. Although if I squinted and used my imagination, I suppose the brown blob on the left could be my eye, and the red blob on my right could be my nose maybe? Mouth? I wasn’t sure.

But Violet was ecstatic.

“Eat, eat!” she commanded. And closing my eyes, I did as she asked, taking a big bite of gingerbread.

“Mmmm, delicious!” I praised, giving her a big smile. “That was so good! You did such a good job!”

“Mmm-hmmm,” said the tot. “Now bed!”

And I glanced up at Mr. Parker then, seeking his approval to spirit his daughter upstairs. But what I saw took me aback, made me freeze for a moment. Because I hadn’t looked at him since entering the kitchen, and the expression on his face was possessive. Not possessive in a sexual way, but rather like a man looking at his girls, knowing that these two females were his to take care of, his responsibility, his entire life. Pete’s blue eyes were warm as he took in our heads bent over the cookie, the conspiratorial way we huddled like we were sharing a secret.

“Ahem,” he cleared his throat roughly. “Right. Violet, it’s your bedtime, Mandy will take you upstairs. Beddy-bye bedbug, love you lots,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead.

But Violet was already focused on me again.

“Bye Daddy,” she said carelessly, not even glancing his way. “Now you, Mandy!” she finished imperiously, holding her arms up to be carried.

And all three of us laughed then. My bond with the little girl was so strong that she’d even ignore her beloved father in my presence. So I picked Violet up and smiled over her shoulder at Pete, mouthing “just five minutes” before carrying my small charge up the marble staircase and into her room.

I wish it had been only five minutes, that it only took five minutes to get Violet to sleep, but it was more like half an hour of singing, humming, another story, then some more singing, before the little girl dropped off, exhausted. And by the time I was done, I was pretty tired myself. That’s something they don’t tell you about child-rearing. It’s effing bone-wearying even if you adore the kid, love them like your own.