Double Dare(301)

Chris’s eyes darkened momentarily for a moment, but I guess he could tell that my invitation was just words, there was no place for a forty-five year old man among undergrads.

“Of course,” he said smoothly. “I’ll miss you Lindy. And I mean it, I’ll miss you.”

“Not as much as I’ll miss you,” I said merrily, again with that fake smile pasted on my face. I probably looked like a mannequin, my lips pulled into a grimace while my eyes were filled with pain, but it was the best I could do. I couldn’t break down, not here, not with my bags packed and everything ready to go.

I turned, taking a deep breath, my hand already on the doorknob when suddenly Chris’s big hand landed on my waist, warm, almost hot through my sweater, pulling me back to him, spinning me around so that I was pressed against his chest, the breath gone from my lungs.

“Baby,” he growled deep in his throat, the blue eyes so meaningful, so sensuous, that I almost lost it then, almost broke down and cried in his arms, begged him to let me stay.

But all he did was push a tendril of my hair behind my ear, look at me closely, the trembling chin, the warm pools of brown, and sigh.

“Baby,” he started again. “I want you to know that these ten days meant a lot to me, that being with you was more than I ever could have imagined.”

Then ask me to stay, I cried inside. Ask me to put down my luggage, don’t let me walk out the door!

But Chris just shook his head, like he was clearing his mind, before seizing my chin in his fingers.

“And honey, you’ve opened up so many avenues to me, you can’t even imagine,” he said hoarsely. “I thought I knew everything, I was pretty much the alpha male in control,” he stopped for a moment, his voice rough. “But you, a nineteen year-old girl have shown me that I actually know nothing, that I have a shit ton to learn.”

What he was talking about? I had no idea, but my heart beat fast, pitter-pattering like it was on speed.

“Oh Chris,” I said merrily. “I’m sure I didn’t teach you everything. You taught me everything … in bed,” I added with a saucy smile.

There, make it about the physical again and I was in safe territory, a zone that I could handle.

But Chris wasn’t going there, he wanted to tell me something more.

“Baby, you think that this was all about our bodies, and you’re right, it started out that way,” he said seriously, still gazing deeply into my eyes. “But you’ve changed me in ways that I can’t even begin to process, you’ve made me into a new man, a new everything,” he said roughly. “And I’ll always treasure these ten days together. Always.”

My heart just about broke again, I wanted to scream. But what my heart felt and what I could actually say were two different things.

“I know,” I said lightly, with that fake smile still on my lips. “Me too.”

And with a quick peck on his cheek, I disentangled myself, pulling my luggage after me.

“I gotta roll now otherwise my manager is really gonna have my ass,” I joked. “Little Mo’s is going to be serving some Lindy stew if I don’t get going. Bye now,” I said with one last smile, and with that, I was throwing my suitcase into the backseat, jauntily opening the car door before blowing him one last kiss.

“Bye Mr. Jones!” I trilled merrily, hopping into my Jetta and zooming off. But as I drove down the long drive, I looked into my rearview mirror out of habit more than anything and saw the big man standing there, watching me drive off, his hands in his pockets, expression brooding, moody, his shoulders hunched, tense and still. If I wasn’t crazy, I’d think that he was miserable, that watching me drive off was like watching his heart roll away, the meaning of his life disappearing with each mile.

But I shook myself, forcing myself back to reality. I was dreaming, I was living in a fantasy land where a forty-five year old alpha male fell head over heels in love with a nineteen year-old know-nothing, and clearly that wasn’t happening. Chris was my dad’s boss, and I’d only agreed to our arrangement so that he wouldn’t be fired immediately, so that my family could save up a little while making the transition.

And suddenly, I really did break down. Right there, in the middle of traffic, my little Jetta going about twenty-five on a local street, the tears started rolling and a tearing, wrenching sob erupted from my chest. Because I’d left my heart behind with the big man … and there was no getting it back.





CHAPTER FOURTEEN


Lindy




“Hey,” I said disinterestedly to my roommate Kara. “What’s up? You’re back early.”