And I couldn’t take the puppydog smile, how his eyes pulled down at the corners. So I nodded silently, unable to explain my feelings, how tangled my thoughts were. Because even though it’s been a year since Stone disappeared, my heart’s still with the alpha male. I think of him every day, my body on fire still, lying alone in my dorm bed, dreaming of the big man, his touch, his caresses.
And there’d been more than one instance when I’d moaned his name in my sleep.
“You say some weird things in your sleep,” my new roomie Cara remarked, shooting me a curious look.
“Oh really?” I asked nonchalantly, my heart thumping. Oh god, hopefully I hadn’t screamed anything like “Fuck me Stone!” or “Stroke me here!”
But Cara shook her head, burying her nose in her book again.
“Yeah, you said the ‘The elevator’s on fire’ or something like that,” she said again, avoiding my eyes. “It was weird.”
I colored. It’d probably been something along the lines of “My body’s on fire,” or “My cunt’s on fire,” but good thing Cara had interpreted it as “elevator.” I prayed that I wouldn’t sleep talk again and give myself away.
But that was the extent of my interaction with Stone these days – all in my dreams. I simply had no idea where he’d disappeared to, our Biology sub had become permanent and I never had a chance to spend another darkened afternoon in the locked classroom again.
Instead, my life was totally mundane. I’d graduated from Spencer and matriculated at State, going through the motions, dutifully attending class, studying, even half-heartedly making friends. But I was so distracted that my new friendships were shallow in nature, the girls were more study buddies or casual acquaintances. My only real friend was still Mindy from back home.
“Hey girl,” I dialed her up. Min had decided to live at home while attending cosmetology school because she wanted to be a make-up artist for celebrities, doing camera-ready contouring and even light Botox. I guess you don’t have to be a doctor to administer that stuff, you can be a licensed aesthetician and Mindy was totally into it.
“Hey girl,” she managed before she was interrupted. “Boomer! Go away!” she screeched before the slam of the door rang out over the receiver.
I sighed. Despite the fact that we’d graduated and I lived in the dorms now, there were some things about life that hadn’t changed at all.
“Heya,” she breathed again, “Sorry about that. What’s new?”
And I sighed.
“School’s okay,” I said listlessly. “I wish I were at home with you.”
“No you don’t,” she said encouragingly. “What, you’re dating Chip McCreighton now right? You should be having a great time at State.”
And I nodded silently, miserable.
“I know I should, but…” my voice trailed off.
“But you’re still thinking about Stone Phillips right?” Mindy finished for me, her voice compassionate. We’d talked about this endless times and she knew the routine. “I know honey, that man took your virginity, so you’re still hung up on him. I know, I know, we all have a thing for our first, I mean I still think about Jimmy McPherson sometimes and that loser’s in jail now. That’s what our first does to us, we always have a soft spot for them. But Mr. Phillips is gone now, okay? You’ve gotta move on, you have your whole life in front of you.”
And I nodded miserably again. I knew what Mindy was saying was true. I was attached to Stone because he’d taken my cherry, had introduced me to the wonders of sex, the amazing of the physical and my body was in thrall to him. But how to explain my unexpected hang-up, how I still dreamed of him, of our conversations together, the electric emotional charge?
Mindy would never get it, so I changed the subject. She was tired of hearing it anyways and I didn’t want to wear her out.
“I’m taking Biology again,” I said dully. “College level this time.”
“Oh right, you never took the AP test,” said Mindy comfortingly. Without Mr. Phillips, I’d lost all my motivation and skipped the test, forgoing any opportunity at getting a jump on college credit. “No worries, you’ll be amazing in class, you were always so good at that kind of stuff. Me, on the other hand,” she joked, “I could barely read and write, I’m surprised Spencer graduated me.”
And I laughed at that. The truth was Mindy’s family had more money than God and they could have bought a diploma from Spencer if it came to that. But no need to get into that. My friend was well on her way and I was grateful to chat with her, even if for only a minute about nonsensical stuff.