Then, I armed myself with mashed potatoes.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! That kind of ammunition isn’t approved for this hotel room,” Michael said.
I giggled. “Then, stop throwing food at me.”
Allison smiled. “How about this? You eat half of your meal, then we go to the pool.”
I paused. “I don't know if I feel like lounging by the pool right now.”
Michael took a bite of his food. “Why not?”
I shrugged. “I mean, what if Clint comes back up to the room?”
Allison reached for the pen on the bedside table. “We’ll leave him a note.”
Michael held up his finger. “In both rooms.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m just not really up to--”
Michael picked up some cauliflower and threw it at my nose. It bounced off the tip before falling into the gravy for my mashed potatoes. Allison and I both giggled.
“It’s either the pool, or I cover you in food. Your choice,” Michael said.
I grinned. “I mean, my answer might be different if you were--”
“You can stop that statement right now,” Allison said quickly.
I threw my head back with laughter as Michael started picking up the food on the floor.
“Fine, fine. I’ll go to the pool. Under one condition.”
Allison nodded. “Name it.”
“I get to play on my phone without Michael ripping it away from me.”
He stood up from the floor. “Stop bombarding Clint’s phone with shit and I don’t care what you do with it.”
I smiled. “All right, deal.”
We all got ready and headed down to the pool. But I didn’t feel much like getting in. I was too anxious, and my eyes kept watching the gate. I lounged around on one of the pool chairs in the shade, trying to block out Allison and Michael’s obnoxious flirting. He tossed her around in the water before swimming to her. He’d capture her lips before she wiggled away. At one point in time, he trapped her at the corner of the pool. His hands were on either side of her, their gazes connected. I looked down at my phone, trying to distract myself. I pulled up the texts I’d sent to Clint and forced myself not to send him another one.
I wanted to so badly, though.
My two best friends giggled and laughed like there was no tomorrow. And as I watched them, a longing tug in my gut surfaced. I wanted Clint to be with me. Next to me. Pulling me into the pool or resting his hand against my thigh. Anything, just to show me he was here. I mean, I didn’t deserve it. I didn’t deserve his presence right now. But it didn’t stop me from wanting it.
It didn’t stop me from wanting to apologize and make things up to him.
I looked down at my phone and scrolled through my contacts. I came across Clint’s number and hovered my finger over it. I peeked up at Michael and Allison, watching as they sucked face. I mean, that boy had his tongue all the way down her throat. And she looked to be enjoying herself.
Way to go, Allison.
I licked my lips and looked back down at my phone. It would be nothing to press his number and listen to see if he picked up. But I’d made my friends a promise. I told them that I wouldn't call him. I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I couldn't keep a single promise like that? Especially after last night.
But this was Clint.
And the anxiety forced me over the edge.
I pressed his number and forced the guilt away. I’d deal with their anger later. I closed my eyes and listened to the phone ringing through the receiver as Allison giggled in the background. A massive splash happened, muting the sounds of my phone. And as panic filled my veins, I held the phone to my ear.
“Clint, you there?”
The sounds of the water died down and I heard his phone still ringing. Still unanswered. It would shoot me to voicemail any second. I put the phone back down in my lap as tears rushed my eyes. I heard the smacking of my best friend’s lips as they made out, essentially in front of me. I pulled up my text messages to Clint again, standing up as my fingers flew across the screen.
“Rae, what are you doing?” Michael asked.
But I wasn’t paying attention.
Me: I’m sorry. For everything. If you still want to talk, I’ll be in the room. I really hope you’re okay. Please be okay, Clint.
Allison cleared her throat. “Rae?”
I picked up my things. “I’m going back up to the room to wait for Clint. I can’t do this any--”
The sound of Clint’s text messages dinged in the distance. The familiar trilling sound pulled my eyes upright as I gazed over at the fence. And standing there, with his stare heavily on me, was Clint.
Watching from the sidelines.
“Clint,” I whispered.
My knees went weak as he opened the pool gate. He walked toward me, his stare never wavering from mine. I felt tears of relief well up behind my eyes. My hands trembled as my phone threatened to fall to the concrete. I felt Michael and Allison watching us as Clint approached and stood in front of me. He gazed down upon me, blocking the sunlight from my face.
And the bruises against his skin forced tears down my cheeks.
32
Clinton
Worry.
The first word that came to mind as Rae’s gaze danced over my face was worry. She analyzed my bruises. I saw her hand come up before she hesitated. Tears streaked her cheeks as I stood there, hovering over her. Watching her from my perch.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered.
I’d spent the better part of the afternoon away from the hotel. Trying to get a grip on things. Trying to find the information she needed. The information she didn’t know how to find herself. I understood what that felt like. I understood that kind of struggle. But it all faded away as I studied the worry in her eyes.
“I’m so sorry. Clint, my God. I--What can I do to--?”
My voice softened. “Rae.”
“I was such an idiot. I don’t know why I said those things. I was freaking out about school and completely drunk and I’ve never done any drugs bef--”
I took her hand and brought it to my cheek. She drew in a shuddering breath as her fingertips brushed against my bruises. With my hand wrapped around her wrist, I trailed her touch along my skin, wincing with every mark that hurt a little more than the last. I slid her hand down my neck. The warmth of her touch filled me with healing power. I felt myself growing stronger. Becoming happier. Finding the strength to move forward.
To press on.
“I know, and it’s all right.”
Rae shook her head. “No, it’s not. None of this is right. Clint, I just--”
I brought her fingertips to my lips. I kissed them softly, one by one, as tears dripped down the expanse of her neck. It seemed as if the entire world around us stopped. Muted itself, so we could focus on one another. Her lower lip quivered. I wanted to capture it with my own. My gaze danced between her beautiful eyes.
Eyes filled with such sadness and guilt.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” she whispered.
I nodded. “I’ll always be okay as long as I have you.”
She drew in a slow breath. “So we’re still together?”
I snickered. “Did you break up with me and I not realize it?”
She shook her head quickly. “No. No, no, no, no. Not even a little bit.”
I shrugged. “Then, we’re still together, as far as I’m concerned.”
“Can we go somewhere and talk, please?”
“You mean you don’t want to keep standing here with everyone watching us?”
She giggled through her tears. “You are insane, you know that?”
“And you’re finally smiling. Hello there, Rae.”
She sniffled. “Hi, Clint.”
I pressed her hand back against my cheek before releasing her. I slid my knuckles against her skin, wiping the tears away. I felt them sliding against my own skin. I brushed them away, wanting nothing more than to capture her lips with my own.
But I didn’t feel it was the right time yet.
“I needed some time to think things through.”
Rae nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I couldn't leave you alone.”
I snickered. “You don’t ever have to apologize for that. I would’ve been more concerned had you not contacted me at all.”
“Hear that, Michael?”
Water splashed Rae and she squealed. The sound made me smile from ear to ear.
“I did take some time to think, though. And… I understand where you’re coming from.”
Rae’s eyes whipped back to mine. “What?”
My hand fell to my side. “If you need a fresh start here at Cal State, then that’s what you need. It’s what you should do.”
“Clint, wait--”
“This is your future, Rae. This is your life. And you deserve to paint it how you see fit.”
“Clint, no, no, no, jus--”
“It’s okay. Look, you don’t need to constantly try to accommodate me into your plans. I can figure out my own way.”
“Clint, list--”
I sighed. “Really, Rae. I promise. I’ll be okay. This is your life. And if the timing isn’t right for us, then maybe it will be in the future. You know, when your college years are behind you.”
“Wait, what?”
I nodded. “We’ve got all the time in the world. And if our time doesn’t ever come back around? Then it doesn’t.”
She searched my eyes as I waited with baited breath for her to say something. Anything to give me relief, or confirm my notions, or tell me to fuck off. I had researched this speech all the way back. I walked from the library back to the hotel in the glaring sun just to give myself time to get this right. For once.