I cleared my throat. “The last thing I need this morning is to see your dick.”
Mike chuckled. “Don’t worry. I’m not gracing you with something so beautiful until I know you can remember it. All right. Up we go.”
My arm fell back around his shoulder and he heaved me off the floor. The world tilted for a second, but it quickly righted itself. Good. Much better than the first time I tried getting up. Mike helped me into my bed and I lay back down before I heard him ordering room service.
Breakfast for him, and all of the liquids and Tylenol for me.
I listened to the water of his shower as I stared at the ceiling. The foggy haze of sleep and my hangover started to lift. Leaving me with nothing but my thoughts. My theories on what the hell really happened last night. My hand fell back against my chest. It was hard to breathe. Hard to think straight. I turned over onto my side and gazed out the massive window with the sun pouring through the balcony windows.
Sun.
I needed the sunlight on my face.
I pulled myself out of bed and dragged my ass over to the door. It took an embarrassing amount of time to figure out how to unlock the damn thing before I slid it open. I walked out and flopped into a chair, relishing the heat against my skin. The sun against my face.
I relaxed back into the chair as the sounds of cars zoomed down below.
“You should talk to Rae, you know.”
Mike’s voice came from behind me and I sighed.
“I’m good, thanks.”
“You know she’s going to feel bad. She already felt bad last night.”
I shrugged. “She should’ve thought about that beforehand.”
“Come on, Clint. I’d like to think I know you a little better than this.”
I cleared my throat. “What happened last night wasn’t completely her fault. I played a part in it, too. Even if I didn’t realize it at the time.”
“Still. You two need to talk.”
I shrugged. “What do you expect me to do, then? Haul my hungover ass next door and try not to puke while I drag out of her whether or not she wants to stay together?”
“You know damn good and well that girl is head over heels for you.”
“And yet, that wasn’t how things came out last night.”
“She was drunk. And a bit high.”
I snickered. “Yeah. I’ve been both before. Separately and together. I know getting high relaxes someone and getting drunk makes them more suggestible to things their subconscious is wanting to explore. If anything, shit like that makes you more prone to being honest. Not lying.”
“Do you really believe that?”
I nodded slowly. “I’ve lived it too many times in my own life to think any differently.”
“Still, that doesn’t--”
“If you were in my position, what would you do?”
He stepped up beside me. “I’d talk to Allison and figure ou--”
“If you found out your girlfriend was worried about still being with you when she went off to Stanford, what would you really do, Mike? I mean, if you found out that Allison had doubts in her mind about you. If you knew…”
I licked my lips as my next words stained my tongue.
“If you knew that if you ended things--right here, right now--and she’d be better off for it, would you? Would you end it for her sake? If you really loved her?”
Mike snickered. “Bullshit.”
“Is it really, though?”
“You know damn good and well that girl isn’t better off without you. If anything, you’ve improved her quality of life. If anything, you’ve shown her what love is in a world that has chewed her up and spit her out time and time again.”
“It’s not bullshit and you know it. I mean, the distance between us? The lack of passion? Of dates? Of sex? Of intimacy? The times where she’s shut me out? Shut you out? Refused to talk to Allison, all of a sudden? I know you’ve heard the stories. I know you’ve experienced it. Do you really mean to tell me--?”
“Clint, she’s been pushing all of us away. It’s not just you.”
“Then what the fuck am I supposed to do, Mike? Follow her here? Work a dead-end job because I need to pay rent and never get my foot in the door anywhere to make a difference while she studies her ass off, makes new friends, and builds a new life? A life she deserves?”
“What the fuck is so wrong with that?”
I growled. “I don’t--”
The dark hole in my chest clenched together as I chewed on my words.
“I don’t think I fit in her future anymore, Mike.”
His hand came down onto my shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do in your position, man. But I do know that if something was wrong with Allison--no matter how big--I’d start by talking with her. That’s for sure.”
I shook my head. “Do you want me to recount the amount of times I’ve tried talking with Rae this summer? About anything serious, other than the shit her mother’s pulling on her right now?”
“Well, the difference now is that she’s actually said something that needs to be addressed. She’s showing her cards, even if it took pot and booze to show them. Now you have something that needs to be discussed. Not just a hint. Not just a feeling. Not just a theory. Something concrete.”
“What if she shrugs it off and tells me it was just her being intoxicated?”
Mike sighed. “Then you need to cut your losses.”
“And you believe that.”
“Yeah. I do. Look, I love Rae. She’s my best friend. But if she’s really not willing to address what happened last night, at all, then you need to cut your losses for you. You’ve been miserable this whole summer. A summer where we all should be happy and looking toward the future. Instead, you’ve been stuck up Rae’s ass trying to make her smile without her giving you any feedback. At all.”
I grimaced. “Yeah. I know.”
He squeezed my shoulder. “Go over and talk to her. Open up the conversation. Even go so far as to tell her that she owes you one after last night. Then, depending on how she reacts, you know where to go from there.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “Is that breakfast shit here yet?”
“Yep. Came just as I got out of the shower.”
“Why the hell did I not hear the door?”
He chuckled bitterly. “Probably because you’ve got some shit on your mind. Come on. Coffee, water, and Tylenol. Lots of it. Let’s get you feeling better before you head over there.”
I sighed. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds like a plan.”
I stood from the chair and it became easier to move. Just that small conversation with Mike had lifted some of the weight off my shoulders. Now that I had a direction to head in that someone agreed with me on, I felt a little more confident going into this conversation. Rae and I had to talk. That much was for sure. But I wasn’t sure if she was willing to.
I wasn’t sure what I’d do if she didn’t.
“This coffee smells fantastic,” I murmured.
Mike popped open a pill bottle. “We’re going straight to four. Don’t pass Go, don’t do shit with your life until you take these.”
I held out my hand. “Thanks, man. I really appreciate this.”
“Of course. You’d be doing the same thing for me if the roles were reversed, and I know it.”
I nodded. “Yeah. I would.”
He shook the pills out into my hand. “No matter what happens, know you’re not alone in this. Okay? Even if things go south with you and Rae, you’ve still got me and Allison. It doesn’t work any other way. All right?”
“Thanks. I appreciate it.”
“And no shutting us out. It’s bad enough Rae’s freezing us out after all the years we’ve known her. We don’t need you doing that to us, too.”
I poured myself a glass of water. “I won’t. You have my word.”
“Good. Now, you sure you don’t want any of this bacon? It’s double-fried and extra crispy.”
I shook my head. “Maybe after this Tylenol kicks in.”
“Then I’ll save you a couple of slices just in case.”
29
Raelynn
I groaned. “I hate my life.”
Allison giggled. “Yeah, well. We all have those points, I suppose.”
I sniffed the air. “Is that coffee I smell?”
“Yep. And eggs. And pancakes. And greasy bacon. I had the kitchen make it extra crispy.”
I peeked out from under the blankets. “Can I have some?”
“Depends. Am I going to be cleaning up regurgitated food after you do?”
“I don’t… think so?”
She giggled. “Doesn’t sound very confident.”
“I mean, the room isn’t spinning. That’s a plus.”
“Yes, that is a plus. I also got you some more Tylenol. And some water. And some orange juice.”
I sat up slowly. “You’re the best.”
“Don’t speak too soon. There’s still a lot to talk about from last night.”
I winced at her words. I watched her pour me a mug of coffee before dousing it in creamer and sugar. And when she walked it over to me, she had this look in her eye. I mean, I couldn’t blame her. I deserved every look that came my way. Every curse word. Every terrible thing. Every fate that could befall me after something like this.