“Are you fucking crying!?”
“Maybe you should man up.”
“Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!”
I felt his fist crack against my face and the world faded away. Red dripped down through my vision, and the only person I saw was my father. His sneering face. His gangly arms. I heard his laughter echoing inside my head.
You'll never be good enough.
Get it the fuck together.
What have I told you about this?
You’ll never be a man. Not without me.
“I’m more of a man than you’ll ever be,” I glowered.
The guy paused. “What?”
I roared as I charged him. I knocked him clear off his feet. With one punch to the side of his head, he fell to the porch. And I straddled him. Right fist. Left fist. Right forearm. Left elbow. I laid into him as he blocked my fists from hitting his face. Girls shrieked around me. People tried pulling me off him. I whipped around, batting their hands away before wailing into his stomach.
Knocking the wind clear out of him.
“Get off him! You’re going to kill him! Baby!”
The girl in the bikini dove into the picture and I stopped. I felt others dragging me off this guy as I heard my name. It was off in the distance, but unmistakable. And as I felt myself sobering up, the clamoring of Mike’s footsteps fell against the porch.
“What the fuck!?” he exclaimed.
He helped me to my feet as the guy I’d knocked to the ground got up. With the help of his girl, of course. He growled at me before he lunged again, and Mike stepped in the middle.
“Move,” the guy commanded.
He shook his head. “Back off. I’m serious. This guy behind me? I’ve seen him take on his own fucking father. You don’t stand a chance.”
The girl behind him snickered. “No wonder your girl wants to leave you. Maniacal asshole.”
Mike slowly peeked over his shoulder at me. “Say what now?”
I teetered on my feet. “I wasn’t trying to fuck your girl.”
The man growled. “I saw her in your lap.”
I snickered. “Yeah, because she crawled there. She likes wounded guys. Men she can fix with her pussy. Maybe make yourself look a little more wounded and she’ll actually stick around.”
The guy lunged at me, but Mike stood his ground. He gripped the fabric of the jerk’s shirt as I turned and walked off. I brought my palm to my face, but I knew I wasn’t bleeding. Hell, I wouldn’t even have a bruise with how pussy-whipped that guy’s punch had been. I pushed through the whispers of the strangers on the porch and leapt off, forcing myself to stay upright. And as the cool summer breeze kicked up, I felt myself sobering up a little more.
“Hey! Will you wait the hell up?”
I whipped around at the sound of Mike’s voice, only to lose my balance. I felt myself plummeting and was helpless to stop it. It was as if my body refused to work any longer. Mike rushed over and caught me just before I hit the ground. Like some bomb-ass dude scooping up a little girl.
Fucking hell, I felt like a lost little girl.
“All right. You’re coming with me. The girls should be ready soon. Time to go home.”
My words slurred together. “I have no home.”
Mike dragged me over to the curb, and I leaned against him as he pulled out his phone.
25
Raelynn
“Fucking hell,” Allison breathed.
Dread filled my gut. “What in the world has you cursing now?”
I clenched my stomach as she led me out of the house. The jostling alone was enough to make my body want to turn itself inside out. But as we made our way off the porch, my mind quickly wafted back to how sick I felt. Why the hell had I drunk so much? And what the fuck had convinced me to mix pot into it all?
What did I say to Clint?
I can’t remember anything.
“Come on, Rae. To the curb. That’s it. You got it.”
I groaned. “Why did you curse again?”
“Just focus on you right now, yeah? Let me do the rest.”
Allison helped me stand upright before shoving something up to my lips. The cold water poured down my chin a bit before I opened my mouth. It sloshed to the back of my throat and I gagged. Which caused me to retch onto the pavement. I heard Clint’s voice off in the distance, but I didn't hear what he was saying.
Allison sighed. “Get it together, Rae. You need water.”
“Then stop trying to fucking choke me with it.”
I spat onto the ground before she helped me raise up. And when the water bottle touched my lips again, I started drinking. She kept pouring quickly and making me cough. Which made me angrier. But every time I tried to pull away from her, I felt myself falling.
“Would you stop fighting and just accept it? My God, Rae.”
Her words stopped me in my tracks. My throat opened up as the cold water poured down into my stomach. With each drop, I felt better. And I wondered if I was the cause of my own issues. What if I stopped fighting in other areas of my life? Stopped fighting my mother and stopped fighting my fears and stopped fighting against Clint?
Would things get better?
Am I the reason for all this?
“All right. With me. The Uber’s here,” she said.
My head fell against her shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “You don’t owe me anything. Clint, though? You owe him big time.”
I never should have gone this far. I never should’ve come to this party. I mean, I’d never been a partier! I didn’t know my limits. I didn’t drink excessively. I hadn’t ever tried drugs of any sort. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t. That was the issue. I hadn’t been thinking, and now the entire night was ruined.
You’re an idiot, Rae.
Allison’s sighs grew heavier as I leaned harder against her. And then, I felt someone wrap their arm around my shoulder. My body heaved from one side to the other, with the water sloshing around in my stomach. I burped. The taste made me shiver as I leaned against someone strong. Someone tall.
“Clint?”
Michael chuckled. “Nope. He’s on the pavement. It’s me.”
I whispered, “Michael.”
“Hey there, beautiful. Come on. Let’s get you two back to the hotel.”
I felt my body being dragged over to the curb. And when I sat down, I looked over at Clint. My eyes widened when I saw the red marks on his face and neck, bloodshot eyes and disheveled hair.
“What the fuck happened to you?” I asked.
Clint slowly looked over at me as Michael spoke up.
“We need to get out of here before that giant ape decides he wants another go at Clint.”
Allison groaned. “I thought you said the Uber would be here in ten minutes?”
“I’m sorry, baby. The app shows the car is here. But I don’t see it. Let me go search around for it. Maybe it’s up a block or something.”
My eyes fluttered around Clint’s face. He kept swaying. Teetering. Like he couldn’t even keep himself upright. Allison and Michael kept talking around us, but I wasn’t paying them any attention.
“Where you in a fight?” I whispered.
He slowly looked over at me, and the pain behind his eyes stabbed me in the gut. Tears rushed my eyes and freely poured down my cheeks as he looked away. His shoulders hunched. He looked absolutely defeated. And as I sat there, wondering how the hell this night had careened so far out of control, I tried with all my might to conjure what I had said to him.
But I came up with nothing.
“There it is!”
“Over here!”
“Hey, hey, hey. Slow down! It’s us!”
Allison and Michael started yelling before a car pulled up in front of me. My head fell back as someone helped me up. I didn’t know who. A car door opened and I felt my body falling against a seat. Allison kept cursing to herself as my head fell onto someone’s shoulder. I wasn’t registering anything. I couldn’t even remember what color the damn car was. Why did my throat hurt so badly? Why was my chest sore?
“Fuck,” I groaned.
Michael rattled off the address to the hotel before another door closed. I heard the locks flip, and I nestled into the person next to me. My eyes wouldn't open. My body couldn't prop itself up a second longer. I felt myself falling in and out of sleep. Trying to find relief as the car’s swaying lulled me into a peaceful slumber.
I woke up to my shoulder being shaken. My head jerked up as my arm slid around someone’s shoulders. Allison groaned as she pulled me out of the car, and my feet stumbled underneath me.
“You’re going to have to help just a bit here, Rae.”
I snickered. “I’m trying. But I can’t.”
“Yeah, well. Story of your life, I guess.”
I scoffed. “We can tuck in the attitude a bit.”
“You first.”
“Why the hell is everyone so mad at me right now?”
Michael butted in. “Because had it not been for you and your asinine tricks, Clint wouldn't have started drinking to forget shit.”
“Oh, so you're mad at me, too, now?”
“Yeah, I am. Because a night that was supposed to be fun for all of us was ruined because you decided, out of the blue, that you wanted to be alone. Which is fine, if you had fucking come alone, Rae. Now, let’s get you in the room.”
I rolled my eyes. “What the hell ever, asshole.”
Allison sighed. “Save it for the morning when you’re sober.”