She slowly looked over at me. “Yeah. Pauline.”
Her mother butted in. “What did you two talk about?”
Rae cleared her throat. “Just about college. Decisions. You know, how she thought she wanted to be one thing, but is now making a life change. Or career change. Or something like that.”
I nodded. “What did she want to be?”
Rae snickered. “A vet tech. Until she realized she couldn’t handle sick pets.”
I chuckled. “Wait, really?”
She nodded. “Yeah, really. So, now she’s living back with her parents and finishing up a dental hygienist degree. Says it’s the happiest she’s ever been.”
Her mother scoffed. “And she’s working at the grocery store to make ends meet? Doesn’t sound like much of a life.”
Rae licked her lips. “It’s admirable when someone wants to work for something better, Mom.”
Her mother shrugged. “I don’t know. Seems kitschy to me.”
I blinked. “Working toward a life that makes someone strong and independent is kitschy?”
Rae tossed me another look. “I found the conversation very uplifting, actually. Really reassuring. You know, just in case I’m making the wrong decision.”
Her mother put her hand over Rae’s forearm. “Which is why I’m telling you to take a year off. Come on, Rae. What’s a year going to do? If anything, it’ll only reaffirm what you’re doing now and you can go off to college with confidence.”
I sighed. “Or, she can follow the path she’s leading now and make herself stronger through facing her fears.”
Rae pursed her lips. “I’m not scared. I’m just wary. There’s a difference.”
Her mother sighed. “It’s okay to be scared if you are. All the more reason to take the year. You’ve got a home here. You’ve got a job at the grocery store. You've got Clint here.”
I butted in. “Don’t bring me into this as a reason for her to stay behind.”
Rae closed her eyes. “Will you two stop it?”
I leaned back into my chair as her mother drew in a deep breath. Then Rae’s cheeks puffed out with her own heavy sigh.
“It was just a nice conversation. Nothing more. Nothing less. Sorry I brought it up.”
Her mother smiled softly. “And thank you for sharing it with us. All I want you to know is that you have options. My door will always be open to you. On the one hand, I hate that this girl wasted so much time and money figuring out what she wanted to do. But, on the other hand, it’s her journey. And I can respect that.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
Her mother nodded. “Just know that the worst that could happen is that a year off changes your mind. Which isn’t a bad thing. And best case scenario? You go back to school next fall with the reassurance you need.”
“I know, Mom.”
“And if you stay on this path? There are a lot of very lucky children right now being born who will have you as their teacher. As their guiding light.”
“I appreciate that, Mom.”
Luciana was so hard to pin down. On the one hand, she had pride in her voice when it came to talking about Rae. And on the other? She was trying too hard to get her to stay behind. Rae was so much bigger than this place. So much better. And the idea of her mother having one more year of influence on the girl I loved made me sick. I didn’t want her turning out like her mother. Just like I didn't want to turn out like my damn father. She deserved better than that. She deserved a better life than this. Better than the dilapidated house and the men coming and going from her mother’s bedroom and her mother begging for money like a fucking child.
But I saw the way Rae’s shoulders slumped. Something was up, and I knew it wasn’t just about the money. Or the decisions. Or going off to college. Something else was in the works here, and that worried me.
What hadn’t she told me yet?
Had she told that co-worker of hers?
“Well, let’s all dig in. This food’s going to get cold if we don’t eat it.”
Luciana started eating, but Rae only poked around at her food. Pushing it around to make it look as if she’d eaten it. Her mother didn’t pay her any mind, but I did. I saw the sadness on Rae’s face. The confusion behind her eyes. The way she hunched. The way she kept her eyes down. The way her smile slowly sank as she tried to keep it plastered on her face.
Her façade was breaking.
And that broke my heart.
She never needed a façade before. Why does she need one now?
I had so many questions I wanted to ask her. So many things I needed to know. Did she feel she could confide in this Pauline girl more than me? Her own boyfriend? Did I need to take a step out of the picture until she got through her first semester of college? Hell, her first year? Was there something I wasn't doing that she needed from me? Did she need some space?
I’d give her anything at this point if it made her smile. If it made her eyes light up like I saw with her co-worker earlier.
Fucking hell, I missed gazing into that smile.
Especially when I was the cause of it.
9
Raelynn
“Thanks for dinner, Mom.”
I nodded. “And thanks for the to-go for Cecilia.”
Luciana waved at us. “Tell her I said she can stop by anytime she likes! I’d like to catch up with her.”
Clint snickered. “I’ll let her know. Promise.”
“Bye, Mom!”
I tugged him out the front door and breathed a sigh of relief when the door slammed shut. We made our way for Cecilia’s car, thankful we had that instead of having to walk around. Thunder rumbled in the distance and I felt the temperature dropping. Pretty soon, the world would open up above our heads and dump water on us all night.
And I didn’t want to be home for it.
“Want to go for a ride?” Clint asked.
I smiled. “I’d love to.”
He opened my car door for me. “Where to?”
I shrugged. “Honestly? Anywhere that isn’t here.”
I climbed up into the car and he closed my door. Lightning flashed across the sky and I saw my mother’s silhouette at the window. She watched as Clint and I pulled away. I felt her eyes following us up the road, watching us until we disappeared from sight.
Fucking hell, I was glad to be away from that woman again.
“Are you hungry for dessert?”
I shook my head. “Not really.”
“What about some coffee?”
I shrugged. “Probably not the best idea when it’s nine at night.”
“So, we park and talk? Maybe with some snacks?”
I snickered. “You didn’t eat enough at dinner, did you?”
He sighed. “Can you blame me for wanting to get out of there?”
I giggled as he pulled out onto the main road. We drove through a fast food place and he got himself a soda along with two large french fries. I shook my head at him when he offered me one. He set it in my lap anyway.
“I know you didn’t eat dinner. The fries are there for when you stop being stubborn.”
I snickered. “Gee. Thanks. My hero.”
He held his french fries between his legs so he could eat and drive. And when he pulled into the parking lot of the abandoned park, I smiled. Brightly. I looked over at the bench where Clint found me that night. Found me wallowing in my own self pity before I came to understand why he was the way he was. I plucked a french fry from its container and nibbled on it. One, and then another. I picked up Clint’s large soda and took a sip, feeling him grinning at me.
“What?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing. You just look beautiful tonight.”
I blushed at his words. “So much has changed, you know.”
He nodded slowly. “Yeah. I know.”
“Who would’ve predicted the change in our lives after you found me on that park bench over there?”
“Oh, is that the bench? I couldn't remember.”
I shoved him playfully and he laughed.
“Come on. Quit being a dick.”
He winked at me. “Maybe I do remember.”
I snickered. “A complete accident changing our lives. I’d never experienced anything like it, up until that point.”
“Back when you were still nerdy Rae Cleaver.”
“Yeah, and back when I thought you were still a jerk.”
He smirked. “Hey, you were the stuck-up know-it-all. I’m not the only guilty one in this party.”
I shrugged. “Not my fault I know everything.”
He laughed, and the effortlessness of my own laughter took me by surprise. Clint leaned toward me, his salted lips pressing against mine. And I loved it. I cupped his cheek, keeping him there as our lips lingered, our tongues softly exploring. I wanted it to stay this way forever. This carefree. This exciting. This easy.
I didn’t want things to ever change.
His forehead fell against mine and I panted softly. Catching my breath, my eyes opened. And I found him staring at me. He gripped my chin softly, causing me to gasp. His gaze kept hold of mine as he tilted my head up further, exposing my face to him. Exposing my breaking façade as he stared straight into my soul.
I still didn’t know how he did that.
“Rae.”
His voice was steady. Even. My breath hitched in my throat. I’d miss that. I’d miss hearing him say my name like that. Surely, I wouldn't hear it as much once I went off to college. I wouldn't feel his touch enough or kiss him enough or sleep next to him enough. It killed me, not getting a place with him. It killed me, him not coming to college with me. I didn’t want to leave him behind in this town. In this small slice of hell we somehow made our home in. He deserved so much better. So much more than this life.