Do Not Forsake Me(75)

“No. My past can’t be justified. It can be explained, but it can’t be excused or made right. A man makes his choices, and I made a lot of wrong ones. There’s no changing that. I was raised among whores and outlaws, and that’s all I knew. Maybe Jeff can explain how it all came about when he writes this book. The fact remains I have a family and grandchildren now who I’d prefer remembered me for the kind of father and grandfather I am. When I’m dead and gone, I don’t want my tombstone to say ‘Here lies Jake Harkner, notorious outlaw.’ I just want it to say ‘a good husband and father.’”

Jeff took out his own notebook and began scribbling. Peter looked up from what he’d been writing and held Jake’s gaze. He slowly nodded. “And that’s what you are.” He glanced at Randy, then cleared his throat and looked back at his notes. “I take it you want a trust set up that includes future grandchildren? After all, your son just took a new wife. And your daughter might not be through having children either.”

“That’s right. Fact is, Evie is carrying again,” Jake told him. “This book might not even sell that many copies, but if it does, I don’t want any of the proceeds from it. I want it all to go to my grandchildren.” Jake shifted again, rubbing at the back of his neck and, Jeff thought, still holding back. “God knows I don’t have much else to leave them, other than knowing they carry my blood and will have to live with that—let alone the fact that they carry my father’s blood. Maybe I got lucky and got rid of most of his blood when I almost bled to death after that last shoot-out.”

Randy closed her eyes and grasped his hand again. “Jake, don’t go there. Please don’t go there.”

Jeff could see Jake growing very restless.

“Jake, let’s stay with why you’re here,” Peter told him.

Jake kept hold of Randy’s hand. “I just want the truth told.”

Peter kept his eyes on the tablet, as though almost afraid to look at Randy again. “Well, let’s begin with full names—you, your children, and your grandchildren.”

“Jackson Lloyd Harkner and Miranda Sue Harkner,” Randy answered. “You don’t need my maiden name or my first husband’s name, do you?”

“No.”

“There was a first husband?” Jeff asked, surprised.

“Yes,” Randy answered. “He was killed in the Civil War. I was only eighteen. I was married at seventeen, and we had all of two weeks together before he left and never came back.” She met Jake’s eyes. “I’ve been terrified ever since that the same thing will happen with Jake. He’ll go riding off into No Man’s Land and never come back.”

Jake shifted yet again. “As long as I know you’re here waiting, I’ll always come back.”

Peter kept writing. “Full names of children and grandchildren?” he asked.

“Evita Louise Harkner Stewart,” Randy answered again. “Lloyd’s full name is Lloyd Jackson Harkner, a reverse of Jake’s name. Lloyd’s little boy’s name is Stephen Lloyd. Evie’s little imp is Jackson Lloyd Harkner, like his grandfather.”

“In more ways than name,” Jake added.

“Dates of birth?”

Randy rattled off all the dates, until she got to Jake’s birth date. She looked at Jake. He became very quiet. Peter glanced at him.

“I don’t know,” he told Peter. “My birthday isn’t exactly something that my”—he stopped as though something was stuck in his throat—“my parents…celebrated. I’m sure my mother would have liked to, but she, uh…” He shifted again. “I only know how old she said I was. Not long before she”—he cleared his throat, still clinging to Randy’s hand—“died, she said I was eight. And for the record, her name was Evita Ramona Consuella de Jimenez.”

“Jake,” Randy said softly, “you’re hurting my hand.”

He quickly let go. “Jesus,” he murmured.

Peter leaned back and rubbed at his temple. “So how old are you now?”

Jake just sat there.

“Jake?” Peter frowned.

“My mother died in 1844. The day she and my little brother”—he cleared his throat—“died…I wrote the year on a piece of paper, and my age. I was eight.”

“You had a brother?” Peter asked.

“Mmm-hmm.” Jake almost groaned the answer.

“And they both died at the same time?”

“Yes,” Jake answered emphatically. “I watched them die. Now let’s move on to something else.”