Jake put his head in his hands. “I don’t understand.”
“I think you do. Evie thinks you walk on water. And when you find her—and you will—she will see whatever you decide to do to those men, and you will have to remember that and think about what that would do to her. She fully understands you kill men and you visit whores and smoke and cuss…but she doesn’t see any of that. She sees a man who would willingly give his life for her if he had to. She sees a man who, in spite of the whores, has been faithful to and loves her mother as much as any man can love. She sees a man devoted to his children and grandchildren, a man who would gladly stop living this way if the law would let him…and she knows why you killed your father…and it doesn’t matter to her because she understands the reasons.”
Jake looked at him in surprise.
“She told me, Jake. I know far more about you than you think. And when you go after those men, you have to remember to let God deal his own justice. You can’t do to them what I’m sure you’d like to do to them, because Evie will be there.”
“Sometimes God’s justice isn’t enough.”
“They will burn in hell, Jake.”
“Yeah, well, I’ll be right down there with them.”
The preacher shook his head. “Oh, no, you won’t. You are far too good for that, and God knows it. When you approach those pearly gates, Jake, God isn’t going to see Jake the gunfighter, or Jake the avenger, or the Jake who associates with prostitutes and was once a wanted outlaw. God is going to see Jake the little boy who had to help bury his murdered mother, Jake the little boy who suffered so terribly at the hands of a madman. He’ll see the little boy who wants so damn badly to just be loved—the Jake who has learned all about how to love back because of the family he once never dreamed he would have. And God will welcome that little boy into his kingdom with open arms.”
Jake shook his head. “You don’t know what all I’ve done.”
“The only thing you’ve done wrong, Jake, is you’ve never forgiven yourself for your father’s death—and you’ve never forgiven your father. You don’t know anything about his past. Have you ever considered that? Maybe there was something there that made him what he was, or something mentally wrong that he couldn’t help. You can’t be free of your demons until you forgive him…and yourself. God completely understands you and will welcome you into his kingdom one day, and here on earth everyone at my church will welcome you with open arms when you come through those doors.”
Jake kept his head in his hands. “I’ll kill more men. I can’t get to Evie without killing more men.”
“Of course you will. But the only thing that will be wrong is what you might want to do to those left alive after you get Evie back. That’s the big test, Jake. If you think your father still lives in you, then this is the time to get rid of him. You have to leave justice to God, Jake. He’s given you the talent necessary to help people. You should use it for your job and to protect those you love, but not for wielding your own form of revenge. When you get out there, you remember the kind of man Evie thinks you are. You be that man. Do you understand?”
Jake ran his hands through his hair. “I, uh, I called you over here to ask if people from the church can clean up this place—maybe replace the windows that are broken. I don’t want Randy to come home to this.”
“We’ve already had a meeting about it, and Katie and her mother are taking charge. Everyone has their assignment. Young people are coming over to sweep up broken glass, and women are making curtains. Some of the men in town are going to replace the windows. They might not all be done by the time Randy gets back or you get back, but it will get done.”
Jake reached for a cigarette on the night table and lit it. “Katie’s a good girl, and brave. She’s good for Lloyd.”
“Yes, she is.” The preacher just stood there a moment. “Do you want to pray with me, Jake?”
Jake drew on the cigarette, shaking his head.
The preacher sighed. “Don’t tell me you don’t pray, Jake. You wear a crucifix. You pray, all right. You just won’t admit it. Can’t let your guard down, can you?”
“Not right now. I don’t dare let the hurt get to me. Feelings get in the way of what I have to do. Feelings can come later.”
“Then God be with you, Jake…and with Lloyd…and most certainly with Evie and Little Jake. They’re waiting for you, Jake, so go and get them.”
Jake met his eyes, a little surprised at the remark.